I try: I try so hard to be sociable. I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I try

aaronm
aaronm

I try so hard to be sociable. I really do bit I'm so bad at it. I feel so stupid when I say things and nobody understands what I'm really going through. Its a wonder I'm not agorophobic but I'm not proactive enough to plan ahead. I'm reactive instead and feel dumb afterwards. It brings me down because I feel so stupid not being able to be normal in public. Its been a bad day. I'm just going to go to sleep and hope for sunshine rainbows and unicorns in the morning.

17 Replies

aaronm, you are a very sociable person on this forum. Sometimes when we

have a bad day, we tend to put ourselves down more. Hopefully tomorrow will

be a new start for you. Sleep well my friend, tomorrow's another day :)

aaronm
aaronm in reply to Agora1

Thank you but I want to be more so when I go out. Last night there was a company sponsored work dinner at a nice restaurant. They don't understand me.

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to aaronm

aaronm, I understand you more than you know. Not everyone needs to be that "shining star" at a gathering. :) People like those who listen as well as talk. :)

When you go for that walk today, remember that the people you meet and see on

the street do not know you personally. You can be anyone you want to be. Start

out slow today, by passing people with a smile, saying "good morning", holding a

door open for someone. Little gratitudes become openers for others to respond to.

But also remember, we never know what someone's going through, so if you meet

a sour puss, don't let that throw you back. Continue on with your day.

As with everything in life, change takes time. Changing of one's self means loving yourself, loving who you are, becoming more self confident in what you have to

offer to society. Little steps lead to giant rewards.

Meanwhile aaronm, stand up talk, breathe in the beautiful sunshine and walk with

confidence. There is a reason we all are here. You are a beautiful example of a good

kind person. xx

aaronm
aaronm in reply to Agora1

The people I don't know don't bother me. I can successfully wear a mask even for an hour if there is a specific conversation on the agenda. Even the people I only see in passing at work when the conversation is always strictly about work. They don't have a clue and that's ok. Its the people who know me better that bother me. The close acquaintances or maybe friends. Its the people I try to engage in general conversation with but I don't know or trust them enough to give personal details. I have a hard time walking that fine line. I don't want to share to much but...

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to aaronm

aaronm, so it's not about being shy/introvert, it's more about a trust issue

with people who know you. I know a few people who are cordial but live in

their own space for whatever reason. I've always respected that after all

everyone has a right to reveal what they want to about themselves. The rest

is no one's business. Not sure if I'm making sense but trying to understand

where you are coming from and how difficult this has been for you.

No need to respond aaronm. Don't want to stress you more. x

aaronm
aaronm in reply to Agora1

Your not stressing me. I'm having a good day. I'd say its a combination of low self esteem and low self worth as well as trust. That has caused me to be an introvert but I wouldn't call myself shy.

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to aaronm

You are loved for who you are.

Enjoy your day :) x

Sunshine,rainbows and unicorns coming your way :)

aaronm
aaronm in reply to bonkers65

We got the sunshine! YAY! Ill be looking for the unicorns and rainbows when I go outside.

Hidden
Hidden

Hi.

🌈🌈🌈🧚🏼‍♂️🧚🏼‍♂️🦄🦄💥🌞🌞

I do hope today is a better day...

And if it doesn’t feel,like it you got us to chat to...

Get yourself a treat today.

I love visiting coffee shops and chilling.

No one to worry about just me ...

Good wishes x

I actually enjoy that very much myself but usually only do it if I go out. I may just got for a walk today. Its supposed to be sunny.

Hey, my friend. I ordered some extra rainbows and unicorns just for you! Personally, I think you beat yourself up way too much! We can't all be the life of the party or who would be listening to all the jokes and stories? It's okay to just circulate in the background and enjoy the party from within. I used to go to the mall and just sit in the foodcourt and watch people move about. I would listen to the nearest conversations and sometimes smile at the stuff I heard. If you go to your company get togethers enough, people will notice you there. Then just be you. Leave the life of the party crap to everyone else. I know this: You are a smart, good person who's my friend. That's good enough for me. After all, I don't think I'm much of a socializer either....

I know I'm way hard on myself but I can't help it. Its how I was raised believing that I was never good enough but I never stopped trying. I spent 39 years of my life that way before my wife finally convinced me to see a psychiatrist. (I thank God now she finally got through to me.) It's not something I have been able to fix now only 4 years later. It will take some time.

gerg
gerg in reply to aaronm

I have worked on some similar issues. How you are feeling is driven by your perception of yourself. I think of it as a form of mind reading, or forecasting. Almost none of which is correct or true.

Much of what you are perceiving is the others feeling much like you do. They are not thinking that they don’t understand you, they are concerned that you are not understanding them.

I would check my own thoughts at social situations. Am I thinking that others are inadequate in some way? No. My mind is on myself, just like everyone else in the room. If I am noticing others I am seeing their positive attributes.

We are the ones that are hard on ourselves, in truth, we are just not that important that everyone is focused on us.

A good example is that I could never be late for something, let’s say a seminar. I felt that if I was late, I would stand out and everyone would be making a judgment about me. So I checked myself. When someone else walked in late, was I judging them? No, I more likely thinking about myself in some way.

If you have an opportunity ask others how they feel in certain situations, most have similar feelings to how you are feeling. Are you right now thinking that gerg is an idiot, after reading that last clumsy sentence? Oh okay, then I’ll just leave it as is and go on with my day.

I want to thank you for your post. Your work is my work too. That is why a group works. The group can be here, or at a company dinner...

aaronm
aaronm in reply to gerg

I like your advice. I'm going to try that. Thank you!

You’ve gotten some really great advice here, so I won’t go on. I just wanted to say that I have felt that very same way before, so I sympathize. Also, I’ve learned that most of us are too wrapped up in ourselves...what I’m getting at is, in my opinion most are just half listening. More than likely if they really didn’t understand you it was because they were only half present in the conversation, not because you are or were an outcast. If you find that unicorn today take a picture! 😉 Happy Saturday!

aaronm
aaronm in reply to Krn210

Thank you krn!!

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