In the earlier years i didnt know depression or what it even was, i didn't understand, but as time went on i learnt what i felt (even though at times it seemed like i didn't know what i felt). I Remember thinking so darkly when i was younger. i know i had anger inside of me that later came out in my teens. Oh that anger. When your so annoyed by the littlest things and everyone can irritate you in so many ways.
As time went on i turned that anger towards myself. it seemed like the only time i could've coped with it. It turned into a habit. And so now even in my adult years, i sometimes turn into it. sometimes im strong enough to not give in to the urge, other times not. I've learnt that when i begin to feel more tired, when im taking more naps during the day, when i begin to isolate and not want to be with or talk to people, not doing the things i would normally do or the things i enjoy, turning to any type of destructive behavior and finding hard to cope with everyday things. paying bills, house work etc.. days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. I have slipped into my depression.
I now im beginning to get to that stage where i simply dont care. Kind of that numb feeling. and it absolutely scares me, because i dont know how long it will last and how much damage it will do. I hate the way this feels.
i know what i should be doing, to be and feel better, but i just dont do it. Its as if i will not let myself feel better.
I really needed to write this, i just need to type whatever was on my mind.
Anger
anger
Anger as a positive thing?
Anger + Drawing( Goodbye and Good Riddance)
