Chronic thoughts

[aaronm]

Does anyone else have chronic ongoing thoughts of suicide? I do and I have been thinking about how to explain it to my wife. I found this article that's helpful on a very basic level.

speakingofsuicide.com/2018/...

[hypercat54]

Hi this is fantastic and describes me to a tee. I have had suicidal thoughts for so long now it has became an escape route and a great comfort for me. The analogy of the car breaking down is exactly what I do every time something goes wrong. I bring my suicidal thoughts out, examine them, then eventually because I can't decide what to do I take it one stage further and my car would remain unfixed and unusable.

This is exactly what I have done and am doing in my home. So many things needs fixing like the boiler, a leak in a toilet pipe which means I not only have no hot water I can only turn the water on once a day. These have been on going for up to 3 years now and can't get someone in coz my home is filthy dirty and I can't cope. Every time I try and face an issue I get the suicidal thoughts again which paralyse me. I don't know how to break through it. I have tried all the many psychological tricks I know but to no avail. Does anyone have any advice please?

I have saved this article to my favourites so many thanks for posting it. x

[aaronm in reply to hypercat54]

When I'm not doing well usually because my meds need adjusted those suicidal thoughts depression and anxiety are on repeat as the article says. I use coping mechanisms then. When I am doing well because the meds are working, its much easier. I still have thoughts regularly but I'm able to dismiss them as quickly as they came. Here's a conversation I had in my head this morning:

"I need to go grocery shopping today. I could drive into a tree at 80mph on the way."

"What a dumb idea that was. BE GONE!!"

It's so odd!

[fauxartist]

I've often heard of people who suffer with suicidal ideation.....and think some just have it more so than others...but all of us who have depression seem to have thought about suicide at one point or another for sure I had....