Single, Alone, Chronic Illness, in bed for days

[SmilesLots]

I've been in bed for days and not feeling better. My adult daughter continues to treat me terribly. I often feel bullied by her and when she says hurtful things to me, she looks quite content with herself. This has gone on for years. She's my only child and I feel childless - may heart is terribly broken. Being a Mother is the most important role in my life and I have lost a child. I also have a chronic autoimmune disease that disrupts my life without warning. I have a medical accommodation so that I can work.

[Hidden]

Is there noone else you can stay with?? Emotional abuse should not tolerated. Maybe a nurse or social worker can come by. But this living arrangement is not working at all😔

[SmilesLots in reply to Hidden]

My daughter doesn't live with me. I live alone and she won't help me. She mocks my illness.

[Agora1 in reply to SmilesLots]

I so understand SmilesLots xx

[SmilesLots in reply to Agora1]

Thanks Agora

[katcom in reply to SmilesLots]

I understand. Mocking can be harmful, my mother did that every day to her husband, whose anxiety disorder simply got worse. Perhaps you could tell her what you feel about the mocking?

[SmilesLots]

My daughter mocks my illness as though it is nothing like a minor cold. When I've been sick in bed alone and asked her to visit she just says "no."

[Agora1 in reply to SmilesLots]

I'm so sorry...I feel your pain. xx

[SmilesLots]

Thanks for the advice. The stress and depression caused a major flare up in my condition

[shoppaholicsue]

Hi SmilesLots,

I'm an only child too. I'm not at all condoning her bullying behaviour, but sometimes I feel that all responsibility for my mum falls on me alone - and sometimes it makes me irritable and stressed. Maybe she's feeling the same. Perhaps acknowledging this to her will make her feel a bit appreciated and lighten her up.

If this doesn't work then you are going to have to go it alone. Contact your GP and let them know that you are suffering alone and have no family to rely on. I would imagine they'd put something in place to ensure you get the help you need. Even get meals on wheels or similar delivered - that breaks the day up, and you can see a friendly face.

Have you any good neighbours or friends who can visit? I'm sure they must be thinking your daughter is visiting and don't want to butt in.

Thinking of you.

Sue xx

[SmilesLots in reply to shoppaholicsue]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not good at asking for help and I need to do that. I do have friends to call, but I don't. I do need to see a friendly face!

[SmilesLots in reply to shoppaholicsue]

Thanks for your support Sue.

[hypercat54]

Hi the way your daughter is treating you is awful and must be very upsetting for you. As it is affecting you so much I would emotionally withdraw as much as possible and stop asking her for anything.

When you are out and about again concentrate on making a life for yourself and moving on from seeing your most important role as a mother. Your daughter is an adult now so you should be living your own life and not based around her. Maybe she is feeling too responsible for you and I get the impression you rely on her too much. x

[SmilesLots in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for the advice. I actually don't rely on her at all because she won't help. I have stopped asking for help from her years ago. I went to therapy for over 6 years and got coaching on how to talk and deal with my daughter but it hasn't helped.

[hypercat54 in reply to SmilesLots]

Oh you said you asked her to visit which is why I said that. -I wouldn't even ask that of her to be honest if she is distressing you so much. Ask your friends instead as they are tried and trusted is my advice. x

[trapis2]

Sorry to hear someone else is suffering. You are being verablly abused by your daughter and I don't know if you have told her to knock it off or not. If not, tell her exactly that this is no longer going to be tolerated and tell her that every time she says something hurtful to you. Hope this gives you something that might just work in time. Hang in there and know you are a great person whether your daughter sees it or not !!!!

[SmilesLots in reply to trapis2]

Thanks for taking the time to respond - it's very helpful.

[sportychick074]

I'm sorry that your going through that , im not sure what it feels like to be childless but I know what it feels like to not have any parents to support you .. Try to find peace and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here !!

[SmilesLots in reply to sportychick074]

Thanks sportychick!

[Hidden]

Im so sorry. I can also relate to your pain. My son treated me so terribly too. I had gotten severely injured and he was terribly disrespectful to me. He lived with me. I also have no other family but him. I love him and i know he has much pain in him, but i dont deserve to be emotionally abused by him either. Its so hard when he hurts me with his words. Ive been in bed for 7 years. Couldnt walk stand or sit for more than 5 to 10 minutes. Whenever i needed help ( and i tried so hard not to ask for his help), he would make me feel like i was a burden. I left for a year and now i have to go back. He is always kind when i talk to him on the phone or if he needs me to help him. But for some reason, he is horrible to me. He is really kind to others. I know your pain too well. Im a Christian and I will always forgive him. But this time, if he keeps hurting me i will tell him he has to leave. I never respond with words. I cant. The bible teaches not to. But we arent supposed to be emotionally abused, especially when we are so hurt. Im so sorry. Im praying for both of us. God bless

[SmilesLots in reply to Hidden]

I hope all goes well with your son

[AuntBee]

I have a chronic illness which is bone marrow failure. Support from family has been very important to me. That being said, the job of a caregiver can be incredibly difficult and can’t be overstated. The role of your daughter being the sole family member caregiver is quite a responsibility and a burden. I’m not saying you are a burden, I’m saying caregiving can be overwhelming and thus wear out a person until they feel empty. Many don’t recognize when they are empty, nor do they want to tell their loved one they need a break because they don’t want to hurt their feelings. My point in this is to ask you to look at the situation through the eyes of your daughter, have a serious conversation with her and listen carefully without judging her feelings. Should she continue to be mean, rude and mock you, it would be time for you to stop asking her for help and find help somewhere else as she is not capable of stepping up to the responsibility.

[SmilesLots in reply to AuntBee]

I stopped asking for help from my daughter or even talking about my illness to her years ago.. She has never helped me when I've been ill, had a flare up etc. She has never been a caregiver.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I am sorry you have endured that for so long. Is she your only source of care? Do you qualify for assistance from a caregiver? Bullies usually feel like they need to show dominance over others because they feel they are not good enough. I do not have children and never wanted them, so I cannot empathize with that. Mourn her loss and seek out different help would be my suggestion, but I don't know your whole story. Good luck. Peace.

[SmilesLots in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thanks Lazy Dog Lover

[Knowone]

Maybe it's time to stop caring about her. One day she'll look back and really really need you. If you welcome her with open arms, that's completely fine. If you don't.. that's fine too. Just focus on your own self and your own health. Don't give time of the day to toxic people they are just not worth it... My mom doesn't mock me.. but I can't even talk to her about my problems if its baby momma related issues "I aint getting involved" if it's my "mental health" she thumbs ups me on facebook, in person i sit next to her and try to talk get some type of comfort a hug a response... anything. and she just doesn't say anything.. I wont ever change with her because she is my mother, but I do understand that 'disconnect' I don't let it bother me I just move on. When they need me though, im a mechanic, they sure do call right away but I never hold anything like that against them at the end of the day they're still my parents, I'm so sorry you've gone through this.

[SmilesLots in reply to Knowone]

Thanks for taking the time to reply Knowone. I hope one day soon your parents will really hear you