Anxiety and depression ruining my marriage

[ImTryingHard]

Hello everyone. I am new to this group and am hoping it can help me with support and advice. I struggle from a chronic disease (IBD) and it is completely draining not only on my body but on my mind as well. Dealing with this has made my anxiety and depression a lot worse (which my dr told me was normal). The issue is that this has completely destroyed my marriage. I have pushed my husband away (not intentionally) for the past year and refused to get any help because I was in denial. I have finally started to get help for my mental health but my marriage has crumbled. My husband states he can’t do it anymore and all of this has broken him to the point of his own depression, which he never had before. I convinced him to agree to a trial seperagion(since he was already moving out) and am hoping we can save our marriage. Any advice from anyone who has been there?

[l8blmr]

We have a friend with Crohn's disease. My father had serious rheumatoid arthritis; it skips a generation and my sister's oldest had it as well. I know these are diseases where your body attacks itself. Your day to day existence means coping with things most people never have to deal with.

You have to decide if loving him means letting him go. No one thinks about becoming a caretaker when they commit to a marriage. 60 years ago when my mother was in that position it was unthinkable to leave your spouse in a situation like this. I grew up watching their desperate attempts to make the best of it.

I do feel badly for what you must have to endure. Just dealing with some months of pain from rotator cuff surgery turned my life upside down. Ultimately there's nothing anyone else can do. It's up to you to accept your situation and make your peace with it.

[clayjars]

It's hard to live with a chronic condition and it also takes a toll on those who are closest to us. I'm so sorry to hear that you waited so long to begin treatment. I can understand your husband as I've lived with my mom who lived in denial for many years. She was hard to live with as she refused to listen to anyone to get help that she needed. She had no idea how much she hurt us by rejecting our love and concern for her. It's hard to love someone who refuses to be loved. But I am glad that you have finally come around and are getting help you need. I believe in redemption and I do not believe all struggling marriages must end in a divorce. There are many couples who have lived through much worse crisis than yours, but have found healing. It's not an easy path to recovery, but I hope you don't give up. Start by admitting what you've done. It's easy to blame your health, or others, but healing must start with you recognizing that your words & your actions have hurt your husband. Give him some space to process everything on his own. Continue to get therapy for yourself & perhaps you can look into couples counseling. I pray that you & your husband will find healing and forgiveness in your marriage.