So here we go again. Like my last post, I am writing this to make it easier to follow through with something I have struggled with for over 20 years.
Growing up, my mother would either completely ignore me, use me as an emotional outlet, or fly off the handle and scream at me. I threatened to kill myself when I was like 6, she took me to a therapist who told me if she yells again, to call child services. I told her when she did again I was going to and she acted like she gave two shit. Like a six year old is supposed to be able to handle this. Basically, she is a tyrant and a control freak. Everything she ever did for me was to keep me as her pet or play the food mother for others' benefit.
When I started sticking up for myself at 17, she stuck me in a child abuse cult that convinced me I was somehow broken and I'd be that way forever.
I have tried to break away three times in my life. Once, she used my grandmother's health to get me back and once I chose her over homelessness, a bad choice.
I'm now 38 and have worked the past year to overcome all my bad habits that I was accused of and I now realize there is nothing wrong with me, it was always child abuse, plain and simple.
Three weeks ago I had enough, called the police on her for all the child abuse and she promptly Baker acted me.
Since I have no friends, family or money, I had the choice between a homeless shelter or doing my best to avoid her. Of course, when I made these rules she acted like we could carry on as if nothing happened.
A week later I was hit with some of the worst news in my life. I spent 5 hours taking care of it and she decided she would help me by completely ignoring all the things I had learned and suggested I miss my first day of work to go to a clinic that she hadn't even bothered to call. Turns out they wouldn't have been able to help me.
When I brought up this fact and the fact her help was adding to one of the most stressful times of my life, she called me a horrible person and of course, threatened to kick me out.
I say all this to get to my point. I need one more month of strength to work everyday AND avoid her hateful manipulation and her pathetic attempts to use me emotionally while she is INCAPABLE of being even a helpful friend, at worst. She may just be a sociopath.
Now that she has nothing real to accuse me of, it's back to the treatment I received when I was eight, she just screams at me to shut up, makes up accusations she can't back up with reality and has threatened to kick me out, all while ignoring if we had stuck to my original solution, none of this would be an issue.
You guys are all I have in this world so I hope that the next time she tries to manipulate me, I can remember I can always go to a shelter but have you as support and I will be strong enough to block her out until I have gotten a paycheck or two and be rid of her FOREVER!!
I guess that's all I got for now. I will overcome just like everything else in this crappy hand I was dealt, and I think with you guys behind me, I can do it without making myself homeless and making my life any harder than it needs to be. 😌