How Do I manage?: So I recently went to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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How Do I manage?

bbg-since2k
bbg-since2k

So I recently went to jail. I was locked up for a while then I went to rehab. After that I had it in mind that I was going to my grandfathers. That was not the outcome. I am 17 so still considered a minor. That being said I am also in dcfs custody. Well they have placed me in a homeless shelter for minors. That being said I have also ran away a lot so they made sure the place i'm in is locked up. so I have been here for a week and still havent been outside. That aside I am also a smoker. I have been told something different by every staff here. so that's irritating. also we got the kids here. They legit act like wild animals from a dam zoo. All this aside I don't really know why i'm even here because this shelter is for people who have nowhere to go, that being said I do have places to go. so im confused there. Then there's the situation on my anger issues. They get the best of me, and right now i'm trying to stay calm although its hard asf here. Also my caseworker from dcfs who is suppose to be there when I need someone or something doesn't even answer the fucking phone when I call her. On top of all this I am in Chicago 4 hours away from where I live or anything, anyone I know. All this being said I cry in my room every night before I go to bed. And i'm angry most of the day. so if anyone has any good advise or just an uplifting comment please share. I honestly don't know how strong I can be for much longer.

26 Replies
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Remember that you ARE Precious and Loved, - hang on in there.

Somehow, you will get through this.

Can you text or call your grandfather?

Is there anyone else you can text or call?

🌹🌹🌹

I cant because there isn't a phone i can use. We are suppose to get 2 calls a day. We get none. That being said I cant.

Sorry, I thought you were using your phone to post on here (I am).

I can't understand how you have access to a computer and not a phone.

It is so wrong that you are being denied your basic rights.

Actually sounds like unlawful imprisonment.

It practically is. Also we have a computer that everyone uses in the day room. Although most things are blocked so we cant do a lot. Anyway i would much rather be in jail.

I’m sorry you are having to live in such an awful place right now. You will get to a better place eventually, hopefully with your grandfather. Wait for it all to resolve and try to be calm until

it does. Breathe slowly and count to 10 when you feel anger rising—you don’t want to make things worse for yourself. I really feel for you and hope things will get better soon.

I have tried counting it barley ever works. That being said thank you for the advice anyway. Being able to talk to you guys is a lot of help on its own.

Stay in close contact with your Grandfather. Write to him every few days, ring him if you can. Ask him to intervene on your behalf to get you to come and stay with him.

Practice keeping your temper when you feel it rising within you. Temper can be the undoing of everyone. Make each response a considered reaction.

Build your life around achieving these things: a good place to live, a good job, good friends and a good partner. When you have these you have everything.

Drugs are trouble, stay clear of that culture. Booze is best.

Remember, you are a warrior, that's what life here is all about. Be a winner, don't be a loser.

I can say these things to you because I am a grandfather and my grandson sounds identical to you: prison, anger management, crummy bail hostels. He's had a few knock backs but he's winning. He gives his job 120%.

I hope you are soon in a better place and are managing your anger o.k. Come back here and tell us how you're getting on, or not getting on. You have friends here who talk commonsense. We're willing to help. Stay strong, Spring is coming.

I can't write him. They don't allow us to write people. That being said, they don't have a phone we can use to get in contact with family. Even though we are suppose to get 2 calls a day. That being said I am really trying to keep my shit together but imma be honest I would legit rather go back to jail. This place is not ideal for children or adults. its way to stressful. I am at the point were i want to legit hurt people.

Thank you guys for the advice and tips. It means a lot to know that i have people to talk to even if i don't know any of you.

Hello, I am sorry you are experiencing one of the hard parts of your life. We all have stuff to get through. Stuff to overcome. Stuff to teach us. Try and get still inside yourself and just let things be. It will not last. There will be a good time again. There always is. In the meantime, put your warrior gear on and soldier on. We all have do this. Try and look inward and see what lessons you can learn. What you might can do differently in your life. You are fortunate you are so young. You can make your life anything you want it to be. That is the truth. The power lies within you. You can do this. Be extraordinary. All the very best to you.

Thank you.

You are welcome, how are you doing today?

I'm okay. I had an interview call with another rehab that my caseworker is trying to send me to. I haven't heard back yet. I am going to call my caseworker soon. I don't think i need more rehab but lets be honest anywhere is better than here.

Think positive and decide to accept the outcome either way...there is a lesson for you to figure out. Rest yourself and go within. You can be your own friend. In the meantime, I send you all the strength and courage I can muster with the wind. Look for it. Let me know what happens when you can. Do you have access to any books?

I talked to my caseworker. She told me she hasn't heard back from chestnut which is the rehab they are trying to put me in and that she is going to follow up with them tomorrow and she will try to call and let me know what happens. After I told her how not ideal this place is she just said "I can imagine". Then she got defensive when I told her that she never answers my call and it gets very irritating. After that she told me that she has went to my grandfathers and he didn't answer the door also they called him and he just didn't answer the phone. Then she told me that is house isn't an option anymore anyway because they are worried about the level of supervision. Like I am 17 years old does the supervision really need to be that great? Anyway I asked why can't I just live with my mom and she said she doesn't know she will ask. She told me she is worried about me messing shit up for all the other kids. I feel like they are legit making excuses for every single thing that works in my favor frl its stupid. That being said she told me that chestnut as far as she knows is located in Bellville which is about an hour away from where I live so at least I won't be so far away. That being said I found out I also have court close to the end of the month for my criminal charges so I will be going to my home county for that and to be honest im very very tempted to run. Why wouldn't I? I could get home very easy and its around the time set I have been hoping for. I know running is not always the best option, but a person can only do so much and still get negative outcomes before turning negative themselves. Anyway I think I get to go out again tonight so I will have time to get my mind off things. Pray for me guys.

Also I do have books although I have grown tired of reading because of all of it that I have done in jail and in rehab.

How are things going for you today? Have you been able to find a peaceful space on the inside? Did you hear any news about moving to Chestnut? Still sending love and light your way.

Hi bbg.

I know what you are talking about. I can understand your anger. They say they want our young people to have a chance but there are so many obstacles in the way. One program I knew of provided mandatory group meetings, yet most had had their drivers license taken away. There was no public transportation available for most to get to the meetings unless they had a friend or family member who could drive them.

Also the program required mandatory community service, yet the assignments were not coming through making it hard to meet the deadline

because no one in charge ever bothered to return calls. Most of the volunteer opportunities required getting to the place first, so same problem. Then there was the issue of cost of taxi’s and the fact that they often had no job and no money.

An attorney had to intervene on behalf of the young person I knew, yet how many people can afford an attorney !? It was crazy and totally unrealistic. It was called help but nobody had thought through the obstacles to taking advantage of the “help”.

So please hang in there and do the best you can until you can get out and to your grandfather’s. Perhaps eventually, after you get yourself back on your feet, you may decide to work towards making the situation better for the other young people after you.

I meant to take up the cause, but life got in the way. There seems to be injustices everywhere, so we have to soldier on. It gets hard to figure out where to focus one’s energy.

You need to help yourself as much as possible now, but remember these kinds of situations can take a long time to bring about a change . I know it is frustrating and would make anyone in your situation angry.

Hang in there. You are worth it.

Keep writing in here. Hopefully this group will provide you with the support you so badly need right now. Good luck and good wishes. You are definitely not alone here. Keep posting.

bbg-since2k
bbg-since2k in reply to Poodie

Thank you very much. This helped.

I called my grandfather yesterday and he told me that dcfs has not even contacted him even tho they have told me they were going to not only contact him but make a visit to his home. That being said I am at a 9 on the anger scale. The moment I reach a 10 I will explode and most likely end up back in jail. That being said I can feel it getting to that point very soon. I am tired of being told that shit is going to happen and then in reality it never does.

I’m glad you know yourself well enough to recognize when you’re about to explode. I greatly hope you didn’t reach level 10! I hope you were able to step back and let it go when you found out DCFS hadn’t acted yet. There may be reasons you don’t understand. Just remember this will all be over much sooner if you continue to exercise control and stop short of exploding. Even though I don’t know you, I believe you can do it! We’re all rooting for you.

You are right, although i'm getting short tempered and more impulsive. Things are becoming not so easy to maintain.

I have been sober for a little over 2 months. That being said my dcfs caseworker clearly thinks I need more rehab although I make it clear everyday how dedicated to staying sober I am. So I had a phone conference with another rehab today and they haven't gotten back with me yet. That being said I am going to call my caseworker soon to see if I can get any further information on what's going on. Pray for me, wish me luck and hope for the best. Remember anywhere is better than here. Although I did get to go out last night. I do have to have staff with me but at least I got to smell the air again.

I believe you when you say anywhere is better than there. I am hoping that you get out, that you get the support you need and that you have the strength to stand against anything (booze, acting out in violence) that will keep you down and out in hell holes like you are in now.

You seem like a smart 17-year old and I think you can do good things with your life. I’m praying for you.

So, I have court around the end of the month, and I have a sip meeting with my dcfs crew around the 13th. Hopefully i get some answers soon. Also Chestnut rehab center declined me because of my past aggression. I have another interview with another rehab around friday. That being said I called my mom today, and even though before I got to this shelter she told me she would let me come back and live with her, when i talked to her today she told me she didn't know because her people don't think it's a good idea. Like bro I am your kid I honest to god don't understand how parents can give up on their children. Give them false hope. Lie to them but still tell them they love them. I am so done with my life like i give up completely.

How are things for you these days?

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