Failings

[Soundofmusic26]

I’m failing at life, everything I’m attempting is going wrong. I just keep screwing up. It makes me want to give up, I woke up late and missed class this morning (I’m in college) and we have an absentee policy that if I miss too many classes I could fail due to excessive absences well I got to the limit today...and then I bombed the test we had, I’m in my senior year and if I fail I will have to start over again!! I dropped out this time two years ago because of a nervous breakdown and I’m so scared it’s going to happen again. I want to finish so badly but my health, foggy brain, anxiety, and depression are kicking my freaking butt. I have to have a meeting next week with my academic dean to see if he will let me continue the class and graduate in the spring. I have been pursuing my degree for 8 years off and on paying my way...and I don’t want to fail because of a stupid absence. What is wrong with me?!?!

[hypercat54]

Hi life isn't a test where you win or lose you know - life is meant to be enjoyed and lived to the full regardless what you decide to do with it.

Maybe the degree isn't for you and you might be better following some other field. Do you have a college counsellor? If so why not make an appointment to have a chat with them? You might be suffering from depression so your doctor might be able to help as well. x

[scf19]

My college experience so far has been absolutely terrible, my anxiety had been developing all throughout high school, and I swear the minute I stepped foot on my college campus, then began my never ending nightmare. My first year was so bad, and might I add, embarrassing, all because I couldn’t control my anxiety. I’m now in my second year, and guess what? I still have those embarrassing episodes which I swear tear me up inside every time they occur but because I know I can’t continue to live like this I’ll continue to experiment and go through trial and error in hopes of one day being alright. Keep your head up, God knows I’m trying to.

[Chewels]

I am past this point in my life, but your post brought it all back to me. It took me 15 years to complete my first degree. There was a lot of counseling, different medications, and hiding from my illness. I missed classes because i just couldn't get pout of bed. I got to a point where the school put me on probation and asked me tio leave because i didn't do the work i needed to. When i look back, i can see all the effort i put into "hiding" my illness and not seeking support that couldhave helped. I wonder if i had been more open with my professors, advisors and the like they would have been able to help me.

I still struggle with my depression and anxiety, and i am almost 50. I eventually completed school and advance degrees, and i even taught college level courses. There is hope and YOU CAN DO THIS! But, it may take a bit longer and taking the chance of opening up to share your struggle and see if others can help you make this happen. Getting as far as you have is success.

I know the thought of exposing yourself may be terrifying... It may also create an environment of support. Have you tried telling your instructors and the like about what you are feeling and dealing with? They may be open to discussing options...

Sending you thoughts for strength and understanding.

[Soundofmusic26 in reply to Chewels]

Wow..thank you so much...this is encouraging my professors know a little about my mental health because I had to leave before...in the meeting we have to discuss whether or not they will let me stay...I will discuss further about my depression...I hope he has grace on me...so many people have invested in me to be in school...I don’t want to disappoint them again

[pink83737]

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! finish strong you’ll be okay!! Praying for you!

[JEG325]

While I like hypercat54 a lot, I don't necessarily agree. Life actually is a series of tests. We enjoy our victories and curse our defeats. But, we grow stronger from each test we go through. As for what's wrong with you? You're a victim of modern day society. Bad food, too much stress, not enough sleep and go-go-go. I'll offer you some sensible advice. Take it while you're still young. 1-Slow down when you're not in class or at work. Relax and take several short walks per day. The morming one should be in the bright sun. While you walk, let your mind wander, enjoy the tranquility of some 'you time'. 2-Eat better. Stop the junk and caffeine. Eat as many veggies and fruits as possible. Get plenty of fiber and low fat protein in your diet. Drink lots of water. 3-Stop the partying, alcohol & drugs. No drug is actually good for you. They mess up your life and destroy your happiness. 4-Get good, quality sleep. 7 to 9 hours of it every night. 5-When you feel frazzled talk to your friends, the more the merrier. Blow up their damn phones and computers if you have to. But, don't turn to drugs or allcohol. If you're a guy, talking to a girl would be especially helpful. If you're a girl, talking to other girls would still be helpful. 6-Take these 6 vitamins and minerals for adrenal & immune system help. B-Complex 50, twice per day, not at night. B-5 (pantothenic acid) 500 mgs, twice per day, not at night. Vitamin C, 500 mgs three times per day. Magnesium Citrate 125 mgs, three times per day. Zinc 50mgs per day. If you're not sleeping, take an occasional dose of melatonin 3mgs, 1 hour before bed. Your problem is reversible right now. Don't wait until it no longer is. By the way, if you wanna get your doctor involved, test for the following things: Potassium level, magnesium level, vitamin D level. thyroid & adrenal glands. How can I recommend this? Because my doctor put me on the exact same regimen 16 years ago when I had sever stress problems. I beat it, you can too. Act now before it's too late!

[KrierandRosie]

Try to have a meeting with your prof and tell him the truth. Anxiety, depression, just struggling. I had similar issues in college. I have struggled with everything, actually. Ask what you can do to get extra credit and get your grade up.

[6ixtyon1]

I went through the same....after community college, I hit rough patches. The first--and nearest--college saw me finish that year with mostly incompletes. I went across the state line to the next nearest college--still very hard, but at least at a slower pace. I had good friends in similar studies who helped, or tried to...truth was, I was terrified of failing--and was...yet, I was too stubborn to give up...I knew if I did, I'd never go back to school, again, for any reason. My advisor sussed this out in a hurry...a sort of bloodless-yet-brutal personality, he warned me that I was not in the right field, and that I should quit. I remember I went home for the Christmas holidays...my folks had backed me to the hilt, financially, as well as encouraging me to follow my dream and not give up...yet, they couldn't provide me with a magic bullet...if there was one, I was going to have to come up with that, on my own...and, I was already struggling with very high blood pressure that meds only partially (at the time) helped.

When my advisor (it's rumored) got into some professional hanky-panky, legally, he suddenly took off to "Down Under," for a sabbatical. That left me free to choose another advisor; I picked one of my professors. He was humbled that I chose him and sympathetic to the anxieties that I had, not only in his classes, but in all of the rest of mine (word gets around), but he had no comforting words to offer. "I can see that you have a passion for the subject, but your health difficulties are hampering your understanding and enjoyment of the process. I can't tell you what to do, or how to fix that. You will have to decide whether to keep going, or stop. I'll give you all of the help that I can, but the rest, sadly, is up to you, whether you can make this work into a degree, or not."

Well, no one can fault honesty like that.

It took me 7 years (including community college) to complete my 4-year degree; when I got out, ours was the smallest graduating class the college had ever seen, since the Great Depression (12 of us). It was another 5 years before I got a real job in my field, and truly, I only got to work in it for 2 years, before my anxiety torpedoed my continuing. That was my fault: I should have gotten into serious counseling the moment I landed that position...because sometimes medications taken to combat a physical symptom (like my blood pressure) just aren't enough for whole health. In addition, I encountered supervisors a lot like my first college advisor...except, they, too, had their own paranoid fears and prejudices...well, who can blame them, maybe? It's a tough field that comes down to success, dollars and cents... But, I was always an excellent "worker bee." They job-shopped me around to various departments, to keep my time sheet filled out; sometimes, about 30% of the time, I got to work on projects that were related to my field...I loved those times.

My folks have passed, now, and that hard-earned degree was thirty years back. And for all of the anxiety that I went through, I realize, now, that if I had just worked ordinary jobs and saved for the future of college ONLINE, like some of my other friends, I would have been better able to combat a lot of the "performance anxiety" that I suffered...there's no one to see you fail in the privacy of your own home (usually), and with the advancements in the spread of knowledge, online--sometimes free--you really can get a better idea of how to figure out your field of study: is this going to be a good fit for me, or not?

Maybe that's where you are, now...sure, if you just take online courses, you miss out on the meeting of study-buddies who love the same things that you do; and you can't usually impress a professor, in person, who might see your potential for a certain company, or academic position. But, you also never have to worry about over-sleeping, battling for certain text books in the library, to complete that technical report, or give that practice seminar in front of 40 or more people, unless you Skype.

Truly, if you love your chosen field--and, it sounds like you do--and are already paying your own way, you have a right to choose how you wish to complete it...and damn anyone's opinion, as to how long it takes. See if what you have earned, already, will TRANSFER to an accredited online course, in your same field. Maybe there is an online test that you can take in your own home that will allow you to WAIVE certain things and make your budget stretch farther. Don't give up on something you love and have worked so hard for, unless it's no longer a passion you feel, any more. Life is full of lessons like that. And, it's hard to know when you are being fronted with a challenge to finish what you started, or a "gentle nudge" that something different and better is waiting for you around the corner...

Again, I can't advise that for you, any more than my good instructors could, all of those years ago. But, you have a right to choose for the things in your life that enrich it for you and make you happy--even if it gives a lot less, materialistically, than what you planned to start with.

I never expected to make a lot in my profession--good thing, too, as it all went sort of lop-sided. But, I still love my field of study with a passion...I just wish I had now treated it almost like a private "hobby," than a profession--WHO KNEW it was going to be so emotionally expensive? LOL--not me!

Also, who knew that computers--and the subsequent internet--would have been the answer for me, if I had just been patient and waited? Again, not me...

Blessings, light and love to you...I so hope this gives you some spiritual breathing-room, to see another answer and an angle of approach. You deserve that! All stressed students deserve that!

Keep us posted, and let us know how things go! We care.

[Clue in reply to 6ixtyon1]

Your reply was AWESOME!

[6ixtyon1 in reply to Clue]

Thank you--I just hate to see people feeling tortured for something that they want to love doing...if the door closes, it's time to look for that window...