Do I really want to give up on my dreams?

[the_easy_way_out]

right now I’m in a head space where I feel like I want to give up. I’m currently a dancer and I love to dance and want to do it for the rest of life but I’m in this head space where I feel like I’m not enough. Although I love dancing I’m ready to give up. Dancing is taking so much of a tolll on my mental health. Everyone around me tells me that I’m getting better and it will get easier but idk. Im 19In college with dance as my major and realizing that it’s not making me happy. I guess the I’m not good enough comes from me never getting recognition from my family or anyone really in general. I’m out here on a dollar and a dream. But this dream is starting to fade away and I don’t want it to. I guess what I really want is for my family to tell me that this is all going to work out and support me like I see my peers family support them but thats never going to happen. There is so much that goes through my head from starting dance late, not having any money, to not having the facility to succeed how I want to. It’s like I have to accept the fact that I will never be great and get recognization like I want. My career probably won’t last me more then 10 years after I graduate. I was okay with that before but now it’s starting to really settle in. Like am i really okay with that? Am i okay with not succeeding? And the answer is no. I’m am not okay with that. I realized that all this time I thought I had it together. That I was the strong one. The first in my family to go to college and a well known school. Following what is now starting to just be a figure of my imagination. I feel like I’m letting so many people down that is routing for me. Like I wasted my time and theirs. I really don’t want to give up but continuing is not making me happy. And the saddest part of it is if I give up that won’t make me happy either. I’m just stuck and the fact that i have depression makes it even more difficult. Everyone expects you to be happy all the time and surround them with positive energy (especially in the field of dance). But I’m an emotional fucking wreck. Everything just makes me angry and sad even just writing this Is making me have a small anxiety attack. I feel like I can’t express this to anyone because if they are not a dancer their first response is for me to quit. If they are a dancer then they say it only get better. This really suck and I really can’t take feeling like this. I’m having an internal battle with myself. The thing I hate most about this is dancing was the only thing that made me happy with the other fuck up things that happening in my life. But idk I’m just writing this because I haven’t wrote in awhile and remembered how good it felt to write what I feel. This obviously is not everything that’s going on and making me feel like this. it’s only a fraction of it. Maybe I’ll write another post that explains more but this is it for now.

[LovelySnow]

Hi, the_easy_way_out. It sounds like there are some conflicting feelings - dancing makes you happy but it is also taking a toll on you. Did I get that right?

[LovelySnow]

I also wanted to share this quote/picture with you. I used to take ballet (from age 3 until about 13) and I still love and appreciate dance. The quote is from Misty Copeland, a ballerina and the first Black ballerina to become a principal dancer with American Ballet Theatre. What you wrote in your post about starting late and not feeling good enough made me think of it: "You can start late, look different, be uncertain and still succeed."

Quote & picture: i.pinimg.com/originals/9e/f...

And while we might not all be able to be successful like Misty, I think we can still succeed in our own ways.

[hypercat54]

Hi I think that if your family isn't supportive then wishing them to is not going to make it happen unfortunately. All you can do is try and surround yourself with positive uplifting people who will back you. That is much better than nothing. Don't ever give up your dreams because it gets hard so go for it.

One thing I can ask you to give up please is the F words in your post. Obscene language is not allowed on here so can you please edit them out. Thank you. x

[baldmannj]

easy_way_out,

there is one person that you need to work with, collaborate with and get approval from. That person is you. If you recognize that everything depends on you being happy. You can dance, sing, be scholastic, whatever you want. If you want to keep dancing, do it. Why not!