Done. : I try soooo hard...now I’m so... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Done.

Starrlight profile image

I try soooo hard...now I’m so done. Space is closing in on me but it’s my own fault. I’m in a very dark place where home is lost. There is no peace. Something you need that’s beautiful becomes hidden and no matter how hard you strain to see, you notice now the light is not allowed anymore. I try so hard . Space is closing in on me further the more I ponder and in which every other thought is of dark peices to a prison bar. I live to fight for being free. I may not become a bird to fly I may not enter heaven or ever see an angel but in my dreams watching me drown helping me stay and fight...don’t know why I’m here. I wish I could be done. My heart holds only so Much strength. It’s breaking.

64 Replies

I am sorry to hear your anxiety and depression are getting worse. I have found that taking magnesium (magnesium malate is best) and ginseng helped me a lot w both, they calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky negative thoughts the loop around in the mind. Also, getting outside, laying on the grass to get grounded and breathe in fresh air, looking at stars, these things help a lot too. Our environment help or hurt our mental health and physical health. Speak aloud positive truths to counteract the negative thoughts and things said to us. Also, Volunteering helps us get our of our own misery to help others, which helps us. Call those negatives a lie and correct them to yourself. Protect yourself from those who put that added stress on you and go out and do new challenging things, take classes, go t meetups. Learn new things, meet new people, it will get you out of the pit. Hope this helps you, blessings!

Thank you for responding! I’m doing all I can I am too tired. Days are so busy I don’t have time to meet up much I exercise with a friend or on my own 2x a day I am not in new friend making mode nor do I want to start a class just now since I am trying hard just to get through this minute ...how can I explain... I’m at a point where I might need to go away somewhere to be safe. But I don’t want that either actually. Life is getting more and more complicated and I can’t quite handle all the added stress.

Besides the vits I recommended above, B Complex in the mornings is great for energy and focus. <3

You are not alone! You are stronger then your negative thoughts. I am here if you ever need to talk. Positive vibes to you!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dogmom55

Thank you! I don’t know I may pm you sometime.

Dogmom55 profile image
Dogmom55 in reply to Starrlight

Anytime!

🙏🍀🕊hope tomorrow is better for you.

Thank you

Starrlight.... ❤... wish I could hug you... I'm sorry times are rough right now. You aren't alone... please don't give in to the darkeness... Love you sweetheart.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to melbrown

Melbrown, thank you. I just can’t anymore. Fighting is tiring me. I have to shut down. There is no ladder for me to climb right now. I can’t help it.

Starrlight, you chose a beautiful name. I bet you shine with the awe inspiring light of an evening star. Don't ever take that away from your friends and family. You glow with a beautiful light both inside and outside. I promise you that you are here for a reason. Instead of dwelling on the dark places, look for that reason. What are you good at? Do you get along well with others? Maybe there is something you can use your awesome light on to help others with. There is so much good you can do in a world where sometimes everything seems bad. Let your light shine. Let it be a beacon for others too. When you show them who you really are, then you will know who you really are also. I am here for you whenever you need a friend to help you shine at your brightest. Just messsage me, JEG 325. I will answer as soon as I can. I promise.Lot's of love, hope & well wishes. But mostly, I hope your light shines for a long time....

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

Maybe how I can shine is by reading my poems to my mom when she needs calming or while she is looking for something to do...The things my parents say hurt me and it’s hard to separate the hurt from them. But I still will be there for them. I realize my anger towards them and yet I understand if they don’t like me or have anger towards me as well. That’s beside the point though. What’s important is I’m really not well and I need help.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

Okay. don't know how young you are, so, correct me if this advice is irrelevant. But, if possible, start by having your potassium/magnesium/vit D levels checked. Your adrenal glands and thyroid can cause you serious problems. Stress is a factor too. Are you eating well and what are you eating. Hydration is important too. Most Americans do not drink enough fluid, especially water. Depending on your age, I have other useful suggestions too. Keep talking to me and I will make every useful suggestion I can think of. I want you to keep shining brightly.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

I’ve had all of that checked recently. I do have sjornes disease and stress YES stress! Much of it. Eating and hydration good.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

I'm not familiar with Sjornes disease. Please explain briefly what that is.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

increase in their Sjögren's symptoms such as dryness of their eyes and/ or mouth, joint and muscle pain, and fatigue. Other symptoms might include swollen glands, skin rashes, or numbness and weakness in extremities.

Awww Star I know things are tough right now. With the season changing, I’ve been noticing a lot of people including myself is having so much anxiety. Feeling hopeless is such a yucky feeling. You need to do something nice for yourself. Get a nice massage or take a warm bath. I know it’s hard to keep trying, but I made a promise to myself a few weeks ago that I’m going to try everything and anything! Whether it’s a supplement that I see on Facebook, a new exercise (even just stretching), a new medication, a new doctor or even writing. We can’t give into this hell of a disease. We need to fight and win! All my love ❤️

I’m not well. I am trying but nothing is lifting me up so far. Thanks for your response.

I’m sorry 😥 I am still sending you tons of hugs 🤗

Sorry you are feeling this way but please remember you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a purpose, every single one of us has a purpose on this earth! I’m gonna pray for you, you are such a strong person and it gets better I can promise you that, you aren’t alone in this. God wouldn’t put you through something you couldn’t handle. YOU GOT THIS! Don’t give up!!! Remember all the time when you thought you wouldn’t make it? Well guess what you did and you can do it again! Hang in there xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to pink83737

😃 thank you for praying for me and all the positivity.

So sorry, Star,

Your rapid cycling actually suggest bi-polar... As you probably know, Rapid cycling is a pattern of frequent, distinct episodes in bipolar disorder. In rapid cycling, a person with the disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year :(

Seems your moods change daily, even hourly.

I'm very familiar with the misery this brings. My 57 yo son has suffered w/ this for years.

He's been doing a little better recently & I continue to support him. What seems to help

is reminding him that 'Life as we know it is only temporary...it's going to change.

We need to keep that thought. For some, it may get worse, but for many it will improve.

What helps me is realizing GOD is real, He cares and will act in my behalf if I continue to

rely on Him. He's saved me from dark despair many times and millions have experienced being rescued, almost like a miracle. The reports from my spiritual brothers/sisters are so

encouraging. People from every walk of life, w/ very serious conditions are enjoying life.

I've prayed for you, Star... and suggested things that seem "preachy" to many. I know.

Yes, I continue because what I offer you is powerful. The same spirit that created all things

will wipe your tears, calm your fears and give you a real hope for the future. This suffering system of things will be stamped out according to His purpose. Our God truly is The Great Timekeeper. He knows your heart, brain and deepest parts.

We need to put GOD in the center of our home, heart and thoughts. He is compassionate and has already given you many friends who care. I'm only one of many. Agape, dear one.

Working on putting God first. Thank you. ❤️ And you know I do have bipolar 1 and I think you are right possibly I have been rapid cycling unless this is just who I am sensitive and moody. Well whatever the case I appriciate any prayer and well wishes. Hope you are well.

Being moody is all part of bi-polar. It's not your fault !

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

Hello beautiful one. I still love your name. I did a quick run through on Sjogrens Syndrome. I found that a tablespoon of high quality flaxseed oil per day + 1,000 mgs of vit. C per day is strongly recommended. It reiterated a constant check on your vit. D level. Hashimoto's disease (low thyroid) is also common with that syndrome. Might I recommend a personal favorite of mine. A nice walk or sitting in the sunshine for 20 minutes+ every morning will be helpful. The sun is spiritually uplifting, emotionally uplifting & sunshine on your skin helps you produce the most effective vit. D your body can use. Keep talking and reaching out. There's a whole group of people that will support you no matter what you're going through. You said you write poetry. I would like to read some. I write sy-fy stories that focus on people, not on shoot'em up stuff. If you want more info on how to naturally treat your syndrome, I will provide it. I'm excellent at all types of research. Mostly, i will pray that you find a way to break the cycle that's holding you down. Like all of the other friends you have made here, I will always be just a message away. I wish you peace, light, love & happiness.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

Thank you so much JEG325! Next day and still struggling badly. It’s great though to have people like you around; it’s a comfort.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

Mornin' beautiful, bright shining light. I'm so sorry thaf you're still struggling but, I'm here for you as usual. I will pray for you all day and send well wishes and happy vibes your way. If there's some sunshine where you're at, soak in it for me. Lot's of love and happiness from JEG 325.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

JEG I so appriciate you and your prayers, happy vibes and well wishes. You have made my day better. I keep thinking of what else I can do because I am in so much pain but I bet it will leave on it’s own in time. I hate the back and forth but it could be worse. I will soak in the sun for you no matter how cold out. Best to you!!!

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

😎 Some personal sunshine just for you....beautiful lady: I will shine no matter how much pain, I will shine even when it rains. No matter when or where, I will shine just because you're there....That's my wish for you from the pen of JEG 325.....

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

Beautiful!!! ❤️

Tons of hugs sent your way. Hoping for a better tomorrow for all of us.

Yes have a good day Michael! 🤗 hugs

I wish you did not have a bad day. Just keep fighting, as I drove home today I realized the only fight I have is to not lose hope, and to do what God tells me to do to stay close to him, which takes time to read my bible and to pray and sometimes I am too tired when I get home. But that is my fight, to make time for the Lord God, He will do the rest.

I know you will find the Rythm to your journey. God’s blessings. Peace, love, and joy be with you always Starrlight.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Needhelp so good to read you my friend. I think I will be living with the bipolar condition no matter how I pray no matter what I do.

in reply to Starrlight

That may be Starrlight, my prayer for you is that you walk through life knowing that the Lord God’s grace is sufficient to keep you always, especially in the most difficult times. I pray, hope and wish for you that the rhythm that you develop in your journey called life be filled with God’s grace, evident of His mercy, and always aware that He is a compassionate God who is touched with the feeling of our infirmity. God’s blessings my friend.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Beautiful. Thank you blessings to you also. ❤️

I'm right here with you ...I wont leave you ever..everyone is here with you and you are with us..you think you may be allergic to the Vegemite?..

Omg you made me laugh 😂 and now I just can’t get the smile off my face!!! You. are. awesome.

Oh Starr!! I love ya friend!!! We all do! Your a special, caring, loving supportive friend to us all. I don't want you to think bad thoughts. You a fabulous mom to your boys and they cherish you. I absolutely love seeing your skater in that video!!! He's a handsome little guy and way to awesome of a skater!!! Hugs my friend!!! I love you lady💜💜💜😄😄😊😊😀😀 ✌

He really IS thanks. My kids are my life. I am blessed.

How are you Kacey?

Doing good only due to my cbd oil. Life's the same but the oil makes me happy with what I've got!!! Miracle stuff!!!!

((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))

HUGS Starr!! Your name is Starr cause you shine bright like 🌟 do!!!

Ha I shine and then I fall down like a shooting star.

Oh goodness......I fall too most days!! I get how your feeling I do. I wonder if the oil I take would keep you from feeling the depression part of bipolar. I have bipolar2 and this stuff keeps me super happy everyday! Its unreal. I've been suicidal daily for almost 40 years. This is the first time I feel happiness. I'm amazed at cbd!! My life is empty but I'm ok even tho my life sucks! Wish you could try it. I know you'd feel better. Just telling you my experience with it.

I have tried cbd oil and it didn’t work for me. I also tried hemp oil which helps some. It’s so great that you feel happiness! 😊 I’ve missed ya! Glad to be back in touch!

Oh yea I miss ya too!! Your such a great friend!!! I'm just curious how much did the cbd oil you took cost??? Only cause my mom buys me very high quality stuff and I think that's why,this stuff works! I'm sorry it didn't work for you. The depression part of bipolar can be horrific! I wish I could say something that would help you but I can't. Like someone had said above it sounds like you rapid cycle like I do. Happy, sad, happy and sad. It makes me crazy. I'm sorry your feeling down Starr!! Hugs my friend!!!💜💜💜

Yeah I know you have to deal with it too so sorry hmmm you seem to handle it better than me... every time I feel bad it seems so intense and like this time it won’t lift.

Oh no I've been clinically depressed before the bipolar2 diagnosis. Since about 6 years old I've had serious suicidal thoughts daily which I drank and drugged to get rid of the pain. Then was diagnosed with bipolar2. This is the very first time I've been happy. Its all due to the oil cause a few weeks ago I wasn't taking it everyday and was balling my eyes out trying to figure out a easy way to die!!! I'm terrified of death and that's the only reason I'm still here. I've had loaded guns in my mouth before or taken excessive amounts of pills to die. My whole life has been laying in bed. Unable to get up to work or anything. Iv e had 12 shock therapies. It goes on and on. I don't handle depression, depression would of killed me if I wasn't that I'm so scared of death. Sucks

You are such an amazing lady. You’ve made it through so much. You deserve to be 😃 happy. I was diagnosed bipolar 1 I believe. In 2015 I was manic with psychosis for months. Now I think I am rapid cycling. I need a break I’m always busy so making myself lay down and hibernate.

Thanks for your kind words!! Your a dear! I totally understand what your going thru I really do. I would never want you to feel alone. We're all here for each other💜💜 I think that's a great idea, go get some quiet time and rest. You need it right now. Just relax your awesome no matter what!!!!!

You are the sweetest. I needed comfort so I let Coco up on the bed. She laid down on my legs. ♥️

Omg you are the luckiest to have a beautiful awesome cuddly doggie!! I want that sooooo bad😊 I'm always alone so to have a dog would be so wonderful!!! Hugs and loves Coco girl🐾🐩💜

Elliott love ya so!!! ❤️ My brain is a mess. I am a mess. I think I should try to talk positive to myself but how when so much negative exsisting around and in us?

How are you doing today Elliott?

I think I am trying to find my way in life in my nightly dreams. I’m on the constant search for something.

Healing hugs feel better!!! Thanks I think you may be right eventually I will be where I want to be. Hoping

♥️

U r sweet ! How are you Elliott?

Please don't give up!! I've been feeling like this too, but remember that light is inside of your soul for all eternity it's never gone! I love you and so do other people please don't give up, I know how easy it sounds but we have to stand up and fight we're strong enough for this!!! ❤️

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to misfitt

Beautiful and true i believe misfitt, I do believe the soul stays somewhere forever. I wish I felt I deserve to be in a good place. ❤️

Hi, Starrlight. It sounds like you have received some good suggestions and support already. I know that sometimes when I feel like I can't go on, I need to rely on God. He promises to be my strength when I am weak. He tells me how much He loves me, and He will walk through the hardest days with me. I also try my hardest to find time to exercise. The endorphins help to elevate my mood. Also, I try to find times to write motivational messages or scriptures on index cards and place them where I will see them often. Then when I have a harder time finding the positive, I can read and reread the index cards. I pray that you can find what you need to get through this time. Hugs!

Really good ideas, thanks Avidreader. Thanks you soooo for the prayer. ❤️

Im new so not sure my 1st reply went through. I pray that you hang in there. Stay strong. I will pray for you.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Aww thank you so much monkeysatthezoo. I am amazingly fine right now. Your prayers must have helped. Hope you are well. Welcome! Hope we will be good friends here.

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