I, at 52 years old have recently discovered after talking to a new health coach for less than 30 minutes, that the negative voice in my head is that of my mother. When I look in the mirror, I hear her say “You look like a frump”, “You look like a drip”. “Fix your eyes you look like a raccoon”. It’s not just my appearance, it’s everything. A 98 on a work evaluation, “Why didn’t you get a 100, didn’t you say something to your boss about just giving you a 100?” Anything positive in my life, “You could have done this or that too you know”. “You know what would look better (than what I have)? It’s all the time. It’s not a hearing voices type voice, just a constant cautioning, suggesting, perfecting, voice.
During one of her rants last night on the phone I told her to stop her suggestions about what I could do differently (after I overthought and had come to my own conclusion). I said that I don’t think you understand how many times a day I hear your voice. It’s before most decisions I make, big or small. She laughs and says that’s a good thing. I said no, it’s not. It’s not good at all. Then I listed the examples that I said above. The pause was all I needed to hear, she remembered she has said those things to me. When she heard them out of context so to speak for a brief moment I think she realized that they are hurtful. Then she changed the subject. Of course she doesn’t want to meaningfully apologize or discuss it any further. In true narcissistic fashion, she changed the subject.
How do I quiet her voice and make my own louder and confident that I am right in that I don’t look like a frump or a drip and my 98 is awesome?