And they call me the bad guy for this slow insanity and losing my humanity

[No_Longer_Human]

It's not fair. I feel like dad forgot who gave his life and two children to him. He thinks i have it easy. But with me he had 60leva salary and with half-sibling has 3600. He remembers the communism but not when we lived together. And when i told grandparents he thinks things are better than they have ever been (hinting he gets much bigger salary than he told them), they just said - he doesn't shop groceries (hinting that step-mother is saving him). I lived on the edge, mom lives on the edge and this pick-me my step-mother that makes a "how gross" face when she sees a dress, has brand eyeglasses. Honestly. It's an insult after insult. Im going crazy and people are stopping to tolerate me. I will get started to get kicked out

[optimismrus]

I'm sorry life is so hard for you. Blaming your parents or others will not help you heal. Blaming will only keep you repeating the same insanity again and again. Try to stay out of the past. Taking responsibility for your own life can begin today. What do you want? Spend some quiet time with yourself and then take the first step to reach your goal. Remember, you are so much more than your story. 🥰

[No_Longer_Human in reply to optimismrus]

Trying

[CLB1125]

you could be so much more than your past. You and your sister are adults now. It’s time to make a life for yourself and stop worrying about the past. What’s done is done. Time to move on. Your dad and mom divorced. It happens for whatever reason. The important thing to understand, he’s not coming back. The way it is now is how it’s going to be. There’s no going back. You have two choices, spend the rest of your life blaming him for how your life is or you can move on and accept it. In this world there comes a time in every person’s life when they need to let go of their parents and take responsibility for their own life. You have a whole exciting life ahead of you but to live it you have to let go of the past. I’m sorry if this sounds a little harsh but it’s the reality of life. There’s a saying, there’s a reason why the windshield is so much bigger than the rearview mirror.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to CLB1125]

The past doesn't want to let go of me. And she just runs. Wish it was simple like that

[bethelbee in reply to No_Longer_Human]

But you can let go of IT! Don't let it have such an impact on you. Leave it behind and move forward. It's time to let go and move forward. You've been blaming your parents for too long. Time to take responsibility for yourself.

[worthytobeloved in reply to bethelbee]

Well said!

[bethelbee in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you!

[CLB1125 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Dear heart life isn’t easy or fair. But if you set your mind to letting go of the past you will succeed. It is hurting you in so many ways.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to CLB1125]

Indeed but how to let go

[worthytobeloved]

My love, I sympathise with you. Life is, and always will be, unfair. Get as much help and moral support as you need, and try to make a good life for yourself without expecting people to do everything for you. It's hard being a grown up, I know, but try to let go of your feelings of unfairness. Make a life for yourself. SHOW EVERYONE HOW AMAZING YOU ARE, and how much you can do on your own. Make your grandparents proud of you!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you. But i don't think i can do it. I get bad help here and still i need it and i seek it. The damage is only making me lose. I can't function. When i try to earn, i lose

[worthytobeloved in reply to No_Longer_Human]

My love, at the moment I don't think you're well enough to earn. Yes, you need help, especially good help, but maybe try not to expect other people to make it right for you - the person who can help you the most is YOU. You may feel you're not getting any help, but you have so many friends in this site who care for you and are rooting for you.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you. Needed this approval

[jjpeabody]

Nice to hear from you No_Longer_Human, Congratulations, on your recent accomplishments! You have made major progress moving forward on your efforts to get help with your current situation. You tried to get employment through the government intern program, and tried and endured the hospital process to receive aid for your medical condition. As we have seen along with you, these were not easy things to do and endure but you did them, you took action. It does seem from your posts you have networked and communicated with some friends over time. Keep checking with them about working opportunities where you might work with them in some capacity which would be a better working environment for you. Also, check for potential clinical trials or other programs/help from places like the Medical University of Sofia etc, give them a call. You have also mentioned church in past posts, they can often help and with a paying job sometimes. Exploring these possibilities is a walk in the park compared to your recent challenging attempts which just show how capable you are to take action. Let's try to make a list for your next actions toward achieving your goals. Keep us posted No_Longer_Human, and good luck.

[worthytobeloved in reply to jjpeabody]

What a wonderful reply!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Thank you for noticing progress. I thought i just jinxed myself and made myself feel worse and fail. I needed this outlook