I recently found out my dad has Dementia and I not sure what to do since we both live in different states.My father lives with my mom and her sister and the both of them are 65 and over and not the best health.
My brother lives near everyone but I feel a bit helpless and foolish that I should have known better that at some point I would have to take care of them.
Any comments or advice would be great
It depends how advanced it is. My grandfather progressed over a 15 year period where eventually his own reality was created and no one was left to remember. Generally, longer term things may be able to be recalled. So without too much context, the current support (albeit not perfect) may be enough. We had a caretaker come see my Grandfather in the morning to get his meals and pills together. In the afternoon a neighbor would check in and ensure he got his evening meds. We were about 90 minutes away from his home. He was in his home for 10 of those 15 years working this way. However, the final decline came fast and was really less than a year. He simply died of old age. It is VERY hard to see someone you love so much to not recognize you. Take what you can if he is still somewhat in the present. Please do not feel like you should know more. My parents today live near one of my siblings and it always seems like I am catching up given we are now on opposite coasts. Take care!
Thank you for your words. All of this is a lot.
Wow, thanks for sharing this. It almost parallels to what happened with my grandfather. Appreciate you.
My dad had an erratic episode today. I think I might be slipping into depression.
old memories stick more than new ones so if you talk on the phone it might be better to talk about the past. More stimulating. FaceTime is a good way to talk too. I scanned a bunch of old pictures and one day we went through them. She had stories which I made notes on names etc. now she doesn’t remember when I visit. So I just go and if she repeats stuff I just go with it. She is in a home. Before that there were people to help. Only my cousin lives in the area.
Thank you for the words and advice.
Hang in there! Prayers up to your father and for his health. May it be easy on him, and may you have the strength to help in whatever way you can. FaceTime like Blueruth suggested sounds great. Also ensuring he gets a good amount of time in the sun. Melatonin naturally is really helpful for the memory and for better sleep. You can look into programs like day programs his state/city offers for dementia. Some of those are great at keeping them on a schedule and busy doing activities or connecting with others, and that can help with having the brain stay stimulated and slowing progression sometimes.
Thank you my family will try and get him out a bit.
sorry to hear about you’re Day l understand Dementia is a condition which affects the adaptation of everyday situations confusion and memory can be affected direction and often essential needs we take for granted having a care plan in place to help remove any vulnerability with every day tasks and needs to give back comfort focus and remove any anxiety can be controlled with proper person centred planning you may need to find support advice from care practitioners depending on the adaptability to give a better approach and outcome to guidance and safety hope this will help you find a plan of action to resolve any discomfort
Yes this is some comfort. My family is looking into the right plan.
What kind of advice specifically are you looking for? Getting help in the home? Dealing w the dementia itself? Just feeling so isolated being away? Dementia is a gradual process (usually) w good days and bad days. There's no point in arguing w a demented person as logic is no longer working in their mind, and, what's the point in the big scheme of things? It takes aot of patience, the ability to brush a lot of things off. Some people get angry in their demented state, so safety of everyone involved is important... I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this.
Basically advice in all of the questions you just mentioned.
Is he under the care of a doc? You mentioned you were worried he may be slipping into depression. It may be worth trying medication to see if it helps. Also, an occupational therapist can come to the house and see his living situation and see what can be made easier; grab bars in the bathroom, a bedside commode if needed, things like that. Routines help. I know w my MIL if things are out of place, she can get kind of panicky, so we do the same thing each night. It seems to get worse at night, they call it "sundowners" so turning on lights helps, no dark rooms. I also pull the curtains as she seems to hallucinate more w the reflections at night. I don't argue w any of her hallucinations, I just agree and soothe her. There's no point in convincing her there's no cat curled up in the corner or a flock of birds sitting on the deck. She sees nice things, thankfully. She does see people who have passed on, but it doesn't upset her. She just started having symptoms, so I'm pretty new to the dementia part of it, but read what you can, watch videos on YouTube about it, educate yourself on it so you can feel more in control. Each state has there own types of help for caregivers and it kind of depends on your family's financial situation if you can afford someone private, or if you have medicaid, they will cover it. If you're middle class, it may be tough to swing someone through an agency, but there are private people that can do it too. They are not vetted and insured, however. We had an agency for a bit, but we decided we had enough help w all of us here to take care of her without it. It was pretty expensive, but if it's needed to give other aging live-in caregivers (ie your mum) a break, it may be worth it. As for being so far away.... That's tough. Do you feel like it's your responsibility to take this over? It's not a given that children will have to care for their parents. We each have the right to our own Iife. Maybe dropping everything and moving closer isn't what you really want to do. Or maybe it is. Just don't feel like you have to, I guess is what I'm trying to say, not to well.
Thank for everything.He is in the process of an evaluation. My situation is very similar to yours.
My family is middle class and on my end I was looking into services and they are heavily expense. I am hoping to work with a Home Health Aid.
When I talked about depression I meant me. Just going through this is depressing and my mom is not in the best health either to go through something like this.
Painful man.
Medications can help you too... Its totally understandable to fall into a depression over something like this. It must feel very helpless for you being away. Feel free to pm me if you just wanna chat. Caregiving chick... 😊☮️💜
Thank you so much
Hello,
My thoughts are with you, I am also going through the same thing, my father is in his 70s and had a stroke a few years ago, that brought on cognetive issues and now he has dementia also as of last year. The only advice I can give is take it day by day and try to be as patient as possible, trying to find support is expensive, I also don't live in the same area but try to visit as much as possible and take certain weeks assisting with care to give my siblings a break. With all of that said it has also contributed to the anxiety I am experiencing which I am trying to work on.
Thank you so much.I already had an issue with anxiety before this and thank God I have my medications.
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