These last couple of months feel like they have flown by, i have not cut in 9 months.
Dont get me wrong the urges to cut are there lingering in the back of my head, somedays stronger then others, but i ignore it.
I also still get suicidal thoughts every other day/suicidal ideation(but thats nothing new to me either).
My moods have been ok, one or two days where its been down, couple of times its been a mixture of both up and down at once, atm i feel "level".
I have lost 24lbs in 2 months,its great to be back working out, keeps my mind occupied as well as my hands busy.
Everyday i wake up i see slight changes in my bodys composition,i cant say losing weight excites me as i have done it all before,although this time im going a bit slower.
Now im looking at some tats to cover up the scars on my arms and hopefully move on from all of that even if the urges linger for ever.
In 9 months i visited krakow and visited the concentration camps, visited schindlers factory,tried a different countries food, stopped cutting, losing weight, and have not felt overly depressed in a while.
Maybe down the line thats subject to change, but for now im just living in the moment.
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CJ2016
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Hi CJ that's great and I am so pleased for you my friend. It is all about living in the present and not letting the past worry you or fretting over the future. It sounds like you are enjoying life again so onwards and upwards. x
Hey hyper, hope all is good with you, and yeah we cant change the past so no point dwelling on it, and as for the future, thats then and this is now, so easier to live for now then live for whats not yet come.
Things are ok atm though, but ok is good enough for me. X
that is exactly the right way to continue on...'but for now im just living in the moment'. Staying in the here and now... your doing so well and I am so incredibly proud for you and all you have managed to achieve. I see this as a mountain climbed for you....and you are still very humble and realistic to stay in the moment....that's the winning ticket my friend.
Hey faux thanks and apperciate it, and i think the only way to be about it is to be humble, as i climbed the mountain and fell off it once before so i know nothing lasts forever.
The thing is no matter how long it takes you to re-climb that mountain, the main thing is that you try to re-climb it, time and time again, despite all the physical scars or mental scars, sooner or later we will all reach the top, Battered,Bruised and Weathered.
exactly right my friend....we stumble and fall along the way but we get back up, dust ourself off and say...well..... and get on with it. Your doing well and I love the idea of tats.....I'd get something inspirational..... When I talk about humility for myself, I am speaking of my own demons.... I know that I am only one drink away from total disaster...and for someone who does not know what addiction is, it's the monster under the bed at night, and you can never say never.....you just live for the moment as you say....and I live one day at a time. But we also give ourselves kuddos for another day we beat this thing....
Agree with you both, can look at it like getting older, and full of wounds can be a badge of honour.
As it shows despite the things life throws at ut, we are still standing, as for the tats its taken me years to decide what i want, i wss going to dive right in with a half sleeve but i will settle for just a forearm tat for now.
There aren't strong enough words to tell you the joy I feel about your progress. OUTSTANDING comes to mind! What a story! What hope you've given me, that I can overcome my issues! Thank you, thank you. Please keep us informed of your journey. And, please inform us about what you've been able to do to get where you are now!
The idea of tattoos is inspired! Make them beautiful and meaningful. I'd love to know what designs you use!
Please keep up the good work. And, remember, we are here for you when you want to talk any time you need encouragement to keep going.
Hey NCA thanks for the reply, and yes, you can over come your issues/obsitcles, the only people in are lifes that truely stop are selfs from reaching are goals is are selfs.
And to get where i am now, honestly i have just stopped thinking so much about the past and stopped thinking so much about the future.
Live in the moment, live in the now, when you step outside, in the day, look up into the sky, leave that sun light shine on your face for a few moments, and embrace the heat that hits you and the brightness that blinds you temporarily and just enjoy that moment.
In the night if your outside and the sky is clear, look up at the stars, and just look at them in that moment, live in that moment, not what comes next.
I have seen my fair share of crud that life has to throw at me but im still here standing, and thats all that matters is that you get back up after every hit.
As for the tats, i have an idea for a couple, one being a sleeve, angel defeating a demon with the devil behind it all.
This for me say you can beat your demons, you can win the battles, but their will always be someone waiting for you to fail.
So thats why you have to keep on going, it goes full circle.
About those who wait for you to fail .... They don't matter! Their wants are their problem! Focus on those who want you to succeed, and you'll drown out the other's evil. They really have no say in whether you succeed or fail. Only you are the judge of what is success or failure to you. With that in mind, I'd go for the victorious angel (Michael?) defeating the dragon (devil). Put your image as the angel. You keep on going, so you can break the circle. Evil is out there, true, but it only wins with our consent, just as humans have consented to hate their neighbors, throw assets at wars instead of health research, grab riches for ourselves rather than helping those suffering. So long as we are aware of our environment, and work with it, evil can't win over us. The angel is far too strong.
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Nothing wrong in that as we are all survivors xx
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