Vicious Inner Critic

My vicious inner critic is brutal today. And I am so drained from her constant attacks. I am 48 and feel like I am 148....Am working, but just want to quit and crawl back in bed for a week. But I am the sole breadwinner, and cant. I am lucky to have a job, and kids, and a house and my elderly parents still around....all my responsibilities are blessings. I just dont feel strong enough to carry this load today. Thanks for letting me unload here.....

[gogogirl]

Welcome. Yes, you do have a lot of good there, but it is okay to vent.

[Hidden in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks....I dont think of myself as a victim of anything, so try not to complain in life. I am grateful for it all.....but I am tired from the load. Need to somehow find more strength. I appreciate your understanding.

[gogogirl in reply to Hidden]

You are allowed to vent. Sometimes we just need to be without a role or a cover. I will listen.

[Ary_Kally in reply to Hidden]

I ask for thousands of excuses I did not know I wrote in Romanian. I was sure I put the translation into English.

I congratulate you that you are pregnant I am glad for you! How many months are you pregnant? How do you feel?

Do you understand what I want to write?

[Hidden in reply to Ary_Kally]

I am sorry. I only know English. But thanks for responding. Take care.....

[Hidden in reply to Ary_Kally]

Actually I am not pregnant....maybe there was a translation error. I am done having kids, and probably too old now anyway. But it was nice of you to congratulate me. Thanks.

[Agora1]

Paris48, good or bad, we are always here to listen. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you....feel less alone now

[teemo1]

My situation is exactly, precisely what you described, except that I'm 52 and feel 152!

[Hidden in reply to teemo1]

So, we are both in the same dark tunnel...well, at least we can talk and keep each other company. Hopefully a light comes for both of us soon......

[teemo1 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, we can definitely do that. The only people I can talk to about it are here in this forum. My friends and family have never experienced anxiety disorder so they can't relate.

I could tell you how hard it is for me to get out of bed every morning, but I get the feeling you already know!

[Hidden in reply to teemo1]

Yes, I do.

Take care....thanks for responding and helping me feel better.

[hypercat54]

That sounds like an awfully big load so I was wondering can you share it a bit with the others? Maybe the kids and your parents could take on more to free you up a bit and lessen the load? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

My parents cant, as they are old, disabled and sick. My kids do what they can to help. I cant quit my job. I agree that I need help....will have to figure something out. You have me thinking about it now. Thx!!!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

I don't know what country you are in but if in the UK do your parents get DLA, PIP, or Attendance Allowance. If not they might be able to get one of these benefits which would pay for some help.

Do you have any brothers/sisters to help? How about social services? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I live in the U.S. Nursing homes here are insanely expensive, and my parents have used all their money. My brothers live far away....rarely come back. So, not much help. But both were good ideas. Thank u....

[Ary_Kally]

Yes, it's a big load, sometimes quite big, but some can not rely on the family for such anxiety, depression, inner criticism problems ... I wonder if all of this happens to us just to see how capable we are , as we have to rely first of all on what we can do and how far we can go with will and above all to find the power in us and to pull out power for us when we need it. You know for a while I think we may be special, so with a great storm of feelings ... with the anxieties and depressions we go through. Probably many of those who do not know and know what it means is harder than us to do honorably with what we have and the experiences and the states we are going through. What if we are really very strong?

Oh! And I have too many morning that I regret that I have to wake up and do not want to get out of bed any more than maybe in 1 month so ... but I found to motivate myself. Whenever I am so early in the morning, I motivate myself with a special prize after waking up and arranged to offer me something tasty, read from a book, draw or dance a little. The basic idea is that you are looking to give yourself at least 15 minutes for something you like to make you feel good when the first idea is - I do not want to bother or do anything - It works for me even if sometimes I give only one force to remember that prize I really like. And then I think I deserve to get out of bed, Even if there is a sense of pleasure in a short time repeated it becomes habitual.

As for the inner critic ... my inner critic criticized my husband again and again with all that he did badly. And again in a loop. Sometimes I manage to stop him alone by picking up and doing something else than before, or thinking about something I like and passes for the moment.

[Hidden in reply to Ary_Kally]

Wow...you really expressed a lot. I wish I knew what you said.....

[Ary_Kally in reply to Hidden]

Yes, what I have written is just a small part of what I have experienced ... I have gone through many other unpleasant experiences, but it was like a door in my life to show how much I can go but overcome them. I got well and kept things that make me happy. I feel like I'm depressed or anxious. So I'm going faster from bad to good. I often succeed. I do not know English, unfortunately I translated with google

[Hidden in reply to Ary_Kally]

The first time this appeared it was in a language other than English. And it wasnt translated. I can and will read it now.

[Hidden in reply to Ary_Kally]

Your idea about small rewards as motivators is a great one...I am going to start doing that! Thanks so much for all you shared. It has been very helpful. Have a really awesome day!

[Ary_Kally in reply to Hidden]

Dearfully... I'm glad I found you.

[Ary_Kally]

I hope for all my heart that you are good!

How are you? How do you feel and how is it?

I was tired of struggling with myself and depression so I had 20 days to get her nauseous pills for Stress & Anxiety Day Night from Natrol. And I can honestly say that I do not feel like fighting with me to do everyday stuff and feel no difficulty for anything really easy to do. I really do not expect it to be a miracle. I'm starting to feel good, easy to do after the job, and even surprised me feeling good and joyful. Like I'm starting to be the one of many years ago ...