Helping my mother

[Jbaccounting]

How do I help my mom who does nothing to help herself? She sees a doctor but she ignores the advice he or anyone else gives. She has issues she must deal with but brushes everything under the rug.

[Debbie6288]

I know how you feel my dad is 85 and everyone including the doctors have told him that it would be better for him to go into a nursing home where he can get the proper care given to him but instead he keeps feeding on my anxiety in my fear that I am not taking the best care of him that I can be I know he needs to go into a nursing home as he is 85 he does not listen to the doctor's advice he does not take the medicine and I am sitting in the same position as you are knowing that it would be better for him to follow doctor's advice over my situation is my last living family member and it is giving me a lot of anxiety having to do this to him but unfortunately every day that I go to his house clean cook do his laundry and do everything for him I see that he is making my life intolerable maybe you need to sit down and have a really serious talk with her will she listen to you?

[Jbaccounting in reply to Debbie6288]

You need to get him an aide to take the pressure off you. My mom is moving to a senior independent place where there will be social interaction and she will get some balanced meals. I am still offering her a few days hours per week over a few days to go shopping and out to eat. I think she thinks I am deserting her but it’s just the opposite. I think I will be seeing her more, at least in the beginning. If it gets to be too much then I will get a caregiver for her a couple of days.

[gogogirl in reply to Jbaccounting]

Great advice!

[gogogirl in reply to Jbaccounting]

I really like the advice you gave. I have heard of people who've taken care of aging parents, which is very noble, and then they got sicker than the parents. Some even quit jobs and ended up broke. I am sure that if the parents knew what was going on ( short of an abusive or co dependent situation) they would not want that for their adult kids.

[Jbaccounting in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you. Good luck to you as well!

[gogogirl]

I know that can be very frustrating. I hope you can have a talk with her- and tell her that if she does not take care of yourself- she will have to have an aid help her when you cannot be there.

[pam4him]

So sorry for the tough situation. Be there for her, gather resources to have available when she is ready. I often wish we could change people, but true change has to be internal for that person, not just an act for the outside world. Let her know you love and care for her, and perhaps that part of that care is that you are worried about her issues. If you haven't, maybe offer to go with her to appointments. Prayers for peace and wisdom for you both.

[Redfox9]

old age is second childhood, they will be demanding, they will be persistent about many things, but you have to support and help them, like what they did when you were child.

Be patient, and handle them like a child.

[Debbie6288]

He won't allow this in his house...i have tied this