do you know anything about *gaslightning*?

[Orangeblossom85]

I am so worried...

I have no idea what to think and who I am. Most of the times, whenever something IS about me, I do not remember what ive said or what ive heard. I have huge doubts and second guessing to anything i do... Since i was a teenager I would be very much puzzeled whether i am a "psycho". I was always afriad i am one as my brother would often call me names and present me as someone who do not have any mind, not even psycho mind...

i do not believe myself at all and most times incorporate what someone else tags me as.. then some kind of intuition fights inside me, sometimes trying to get out so hard that i for example get sick... sometimes i doubt so much but still do not get any courage to stand up for me.

after watching all these kavaNO... i found out something called gaslightning. I actually do feel like i would be gaslighted first by my brother... to later hear nothing else from my two boyfriends...

Do you believe that gaslightning exist and that this could have change me so much that now i do not get any idea of me? my reality?

How to fight it? How to get to the truth,,,?

[Luminous1]

Hi! You are not crazy and Gaslighting is absolutely a real thing. It is essentially where someone says things that make you doubt yourself or question yourself or question your sanity. For example; let say you washed took a shower and cleaned the bathroom on Wednesday. When your partner or sibling, comes home you tell them you showered and cleaned up the bathroom today. They respond, “ no you didn’t....what are you talking about? You didn’t clean the bathroom. I just went in there and it’s dirty and the shower is dry, there are no water droplets in there. Why are you lieing to me??

When these situations happen repeatedly, it makes you questions everything about yourself. “ did I not shower, I know I did... but he’s right the shower is dry.... maybe I didn’t? I don’t know. What’s wrong with me??”

Gaslighting is manipulation and control at its finest. Just try to remember, you know your truth, if someone makes you question yourself, your reality, or anything similar, gaslighting is probably taking place. Try writing things down as you do them, as reassurance and proof that you did actually do and say the things you did. It will help ground you. Overtime you will start trusting yourself more and more. Also, practice setting boundaries with the unhealthy/toxic people in your life who manipulate, control, or mistreat you. If you can, limit or disconnect from them completely. You are in control of your own life. You are not crazy. I hope this helps!! ❤️

[Krazie]

Gas lighting is as real as rain. Orangeblossom gave a very good explanation. It is hard for me to add to it, except to say that gaslighting is no joke. Your brother may be doing it because he thinks your reaction is funny. Keeping a record, with date and time, of the things you do will be your proof that you actually did them.

Best wishes to you, dear.

[Calm_mama]

Yes gaslighting is a very real thing.

Most people who engage in gaslighting also engage in other forms of psychological and emotional manipulation. I highly recommend the following books to better understand ALL the tactics of manipulation, since someone who is gaslighting is probably using other tactics as well: "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative People" and "Character Disturbance" - both are by George K Simon. He has an excellent website too: drgeorgesimon.com/. His books are translated into many other languages. He is world-renowned and an expert on this topic. Once you better understand the person with this personality type, and start dealing with him/her more effectively, you will be well on your way to feeling far less confused, more integrated, with more confidence and self esteem. You will also understand yourself a lot better, rendering you far more resistant to to this these types of tactics in the future Wishing you all the best!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Calm_mama]

Everyday I wake up, I get this huge overwhelming feeling that I need to die right now. These are not suicidal thoughts. And not dreams that something like God or disease take me away. It’s huge and completely everywhere my body and mind. It makes me stay in bed. It makes me just stare in my computer. It makes me run away from any kind of action I have to take. The worst is when the things to do are about me - like for example protecting and demanding me, defending me, making people know that they should act fair toward me... asking for anything for me. I always always always feel guilty, sometimes with a thin thought of innocence underneath. I always do take that guilt on me and I do apologize.. I also take responsibilities and do things for other people / for these ones I never lack energy. Although if I’m late with that job or something goes wrong, imagine my guilt trip...

This all brings me to one place: my bed where I have to cover with two heavy blankets just to feel the weight that I’m present and not to feel so lonely. Or better say alone.

I let people do horrible things to me. And I have no idea how to fight back...

[Rpan in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I get completely what your saying. You explained what I too often feel, perfectly. Thank you for sharing these feelings because I feel the same way most of the time. Let me share with you what I’ve learned! This is all anxiety!! It’s all nothing but anxiety!!! I’m not saying its JUST anxiety, because for us it sucks!! I often feel unsettled, never relaxed always second guessing everything. That is because my mind is always trying to figure out what is wrong..it’s always in a state of fight. The fix is in finding gratitude. You know when a pleasant thought comes, how you can feel slightly happy. We have to focus on those kinds of thoughts, we can train our minds to think this way. Each tome I find myself in this heavy thought, I stop myself, I say “ there it is I’m thinking again” and I focus on being in the moment. It’s about finding gratitude in the moment. It’s a constant battle, but remember every war always ends and even the losers are grateful they no longer are in a battle. Your not broken, or a “psycho” this is all anxiety!!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Rpan]

Anxiety kills me. But I don’t know where it’s coming and what is it that I’m afraid of. I don’t know myself at all cause anything I come up with is later destroyed by others. Im in a constant battle with my thoughts. I never know who to believe. Still the easiest to believe is that I’m guilty and that I’m crazy. For these reasons - I don’t really feel like living my life more. I feel like a handicapped person that cannot express herself. That knows nothing about actual participation in life, living, society... I feel terribly bad. And I have no idea how to get to the root, how to fix it, how to change it.

[Rpan in reply to Orangeblossom85]

That’s the thing with anxiety, I has no reason, meaning we think that we can think our way out of it, if only we know the reason why we are having, than we can fix it and no longer have anxiety. This will never work. It’s not because of anything that we have anxiety. It’s the way our brain works, so learning new skills will change how we process it. I get how you feel, believe me, this can change. I hear how you don’t want to live this way. Start adding positive dialogue, thoughts that you can believe. There is no root to get to, it’s just how we process things, which can change. Please take my advice, start thanking your higher power, what or whom ever that may be, start really appreciating the little things, like food,water,soap,cloths,a bed to sleep in.. just focus on the here and now over and over again. Like as your reading this, right now maters.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Rpan]

Thank you !

[Calm_mama in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Hi, I agree with Rpan, and I'll add that when someone is highly "neurotic" (read the books so you truly understand that word ) this type of thinking is very common day to day. I am going to recommend a few things:

1) Read the 2 books I listed above - probably a few times. It takes a while to understand the concepts and start seeing things for what they are.

2) Next, please see my profile where I have my favorite resources for anxiety listed- especially Dr. Weekes. Listen to her audio! multiple times- again, you can start seeing your mind for how it works. And how you can start recovering from all the discomfort.

3) Therapy therapy therapy! What you describe responds beautifully to therapy. Make sure to ask that the therapist REALLY understands anxiety, depression and I also recommend someone has experience with treating survivors of abuse

4) Consider the unhealthy relationships in your life. You can and should try to put up very firm boundaries with people who would mistreat you

5) As you do the things above, start making some small behavior changes- for example, start practicing saying "no" when you mean NO to people. Practice ignoring the guilt that your anxiety generates when you assert yourself. Baby steps- this is very scary and you will be wobbly at first :). Confidence comes after much practice.

This all takes a lot of time and patience but think of yourself as a seedling who is going to grow into a beautiful, strong flower.

You can feel mountains better than you do now. You are on a journey to understanding yourself very well and being reborn

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you!

I actually feel like my dream mother would just take me to her hands and give the best advices. Thank you so much.

Yesterday I wrote a message to my friend that I wish my mum picks me up from my night shift and takes home to cuddle me and put me to sleep so I can recover all the stress and madness that happens now. I really need a mother in my life, my mum was never a caring person... I feel that my body and my mind needs simple mother love, needs care, safety and protection. I had never received any of that.

Reading your comment I feel like my wish is just made true. Thank you so much!

I’m gonna read your words many times and try to incorporate them in my life. I really hope for change. I really hope that I can make my life better. Even if it would be a poppy seed size change. I need it so much!

Thank you so much 😊

[Orangeblossom85]

youtube.com/watch?v=4LZ3P1s...(Not working as expected?)

Please watch it. I find this extremely right. Most people do this whenever they are about to be judged of their own misconducts. They turn the victim into someone that prosecutes them with a kind of evil power that is supposed to just ruin the life of a “innocent” angel...

I hate that victims need to prove and document that their rights were violated... that they were used, hurt, manipulated, destroyed...

[Rpan]

Let’s keep taliking