First time sharing.

[Aleuqam]

My life i know is a good one. But my mind can’t help but tell me every day it’s not. I’m 21, i have been dealing with depression for a while now. I remember the first time i realized there was something wrong, was in high school. I remember sitting in my car in the schools parking lot.. it was raining.. I felt used by friends, lonely, sad, was moody, and vividly remember wanting to crash my car into oncoming traffic.. i had no one so i felt & no one knew.. i didnt even know. All i knew was that i wanted to die right then. I dialed a number and a lady spoke to me, with me. She helped calm me down. My mom, friends, family, no one knew what what wrong with me. After that, i started strongly and religiously smoking weed. I felt nothing. Not alone, not sad, not moody. Nothing. And i liked it so i became a pothead. Everyday, like it was my fix 2years, strong, I was cured! I thought.. the next MAJOR depressive episode was the summer of 2017..

[Rotor15]

I also struggle with negative thoughts and had my anxiety start in high school. I’ve noticed throughout the years that at times I can manage it and then there is usually a trigger that gets me depressed and anxious again

[Aleuqam in reply to Rotor15]

I’m not sure if i know how to manage mine really but i do know how to sometimes deal with it. Some days are better than others, but other days it becomes too much. Do you take medicine?

[Emily16]

Welcome!! Thanks for sharing. Was there something that happened to bring back your depression?

[Aleuqam in reply to Emily16]

I honestly have no idea. I started this internship and it deals with children in Domestic Violence families dealing with abuse, neglect, rape, whatever..and i started feeling bad yesterday morning and cried like 4 times throughout the day. So idk if this is a trigger or what

[Emily16 in reply to Aleuqam]

It very well could be. That’s a lot to take in. It takes a very special person to be able to work in that environment. My cousin does the same thing and he thought it was going to be just like any other job. After a year into it he’s ready to find a new job.

[pink318]

Hi- Welcome to the group!

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. We are here for you. I hope you will get the support you need through this forum.

I pray that you will feel better soon. Please update us.

[8ann]

I am so glad we have a place to talk about things and look for ways to handle depression,

anxiety, etc. I am so glad that you are reaching out with honesty. It may seem like 'work' sometimes to reach out, but you are worth it : ) ...my mom used to remind me, "one moment at a time," and "this too shall pass." Get help...be honest, and involve others : )