2nd time around

[Lightattheend]

I suffered from anxiety/panic attacks. I suffered from them for many years. I was a young and innocent teen, and one day out of nowhere I felt a feeling in my stomach as if a bowling ball dropped in it. Then my heart started racing along with shortness of breath and extreme fear. I just knew I was dead. After that first attack, I could not get my mind off of what happened. That was the beginning of years of sheer torture. My attacks eventually got to the point where I had them every day several times a day. I was in constant fear. Fear of dying. I thought about death every day all day. I was scared to take baths because I thought I would die in the tub. I was scared to sleep because I thought I would die in my sleep. I was scared to ride in a car because of the fear of a attack coming on. I literally had to carry a cup of ice water with me when riding in a car so if a attack came on I could pour the water down my shirt. For some reason the cold water helped. It seemed to anyway. There was times to where I jumped in the shower with all cold water and fully clothed in the midst of a attack. These attacks cost me a lot at a young age. The most important was my education. Because of the fear of them, I dropped out of high school. After many years of hospitals and dr's, many attacks and waking up to a body full of pain every day, I was constantly asking GOD why did he wake me up? I got to the point where I said I'm tired. I'm tired! I faced the attacks head on. When they came on I took deep breaths in and out quickly and told myself it was just anxiety and it would pass. After months of doing this they finally stopped coming. I was free! I had beat anxiety! So I thought...Many, many years later it came back and hit me like a train. But not in the same form. I no longer have anxiety/panic attacks but now I have severe health anxiety. Just like with the attacks, I'm tortured every single day with health anxiety (particularly my heart). I am again in constant fear. Fear of dying. Fear of sleeping. I thought it was over but I was sadly wrong. All I can do now is pray that I can find a way to overcome this. One day. One day..

[jkl5500]

Have you considered discussing your health concerns (especially your heart) with a doctor? Level with him or her, and tell your doc you have health anxiety. The doc can give you a little perspective, and help you to see that you're a lot healthier than you think.

[Lightattheend in reply to jkl5500]

I've been told that I'm healthy multiple times. Most recently yesterday because I ran to a clininc and had another EKG due to palpitations. I tried but I can't find a way to accept it. Especially because of my daily palpitations.

[jkl5500 in reply to Lightattheend]

Have you tried talk therapy for the anxiety, since you have been medically cleared by your doctor?

[Lightattheend in reply to jkl5500]

No I haven't.

[jkl5500 in reply to Lightattheend]

From what you've written, I recommend that you try it. There's no shame in getting the help you need to get over this.

[Lightattheend in reply to jkl5500]

I just feel crazy. I think every ache or anything that feels off is something bad heart health related. No matter how little. Especially if it is anywhere in the left chest/heart area or that can have anything to do with heart issues. If I have a toothache I think it's my heart. If my ear hurts I think it's my heart. If my arm hurts I think it's my heart. If something feels off anywhere on the left side, I automatically assume it's my heart. As much as I try to run from it, I have to get help.

[jkl5500 in reply to Lightattheend]

Please do it ASAP, and give yourself some peace.

[howard327]

You haven't mentioned if you are taking any medicines. If not, there are medicines that could be life-saving for you. Talk to your doctor about this.

Howard M

[Lightattheend in reply to howard327]

Right now no I don't take any meds. I may need to. Thanks.

[dbeck128]

I can relate so deeply to this. I get one cough or an itch and I need to start making arrangements. It's not fair bc we didnt ask for this. And I hope you find a treatment that works. And when you do, please tell me because I want to get better too! This sucks, but just know you arent alone. Sending positive vibes

[Lightattheend in reply to dbeck128]

Thank U much. If I do find a treatment, I will surely let U know. Positive vibes right back at you ☺