I need advice. I don't know how to en... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I need advice. I don't know how to engage my son in his relationship issues that he's having with his fiance and the mother to my grandchild

hard2say
hard2say

I don't know how to be supportive to someone who is suffering from depression and not thinking clearly. He has told me was seeking counseling but I don't know if he is continuing to do so at this point. He is looking for me too affirm his feelings and I do not agree with them. He seems to be very hurt and angry due to money issues and work stresses. I am trying to be supportive so he knows that I love him but at the same time I want him to understand that I feel he is not seeing the whole picture. He has no interest in trying to work things out with her and he shows no empathy towards anyone else at this point. What do I do?

8 Replies
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Hi hard2say, sounds like you're in a difficult situation. What is the problem between your son and his fiancé? Is it his depression causing the problems? Do you get on well with her? Has he got a friend he could talk to if he won't listen to you?

hard2say
hard2say
in reply to Xene

She has been stay at home mom and started an in home daycare to supplement income. The children are now 6 and 4 and he feels she needs to get on with a career. She loves stating home with her youngest who will stay half days this fall. I believe most of this is money driven. He does have a couple friends.. although none ifof his friends have children.

Xene
Xene
in reply to hard2say

Ah money the root of all evil, no one ever has enough of it! There's an old saying 'When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out of the window' and I'm not saying they're living in poverty but extra money always comes in handy. Obviously you know your son and what you can say to him without him getting too annoyed, just make smalltalk about how you can see where she's coming from but ultimately it is between him and her. The reason I asked if you had a good relationship with his fiancé is grandchildren are our whole world and despite what happens between their mum and dad the effects can be far reaching. It's hard to give a considered opinion not knowing those concerned and all you can do is listen to him and advise him if he asks. Good luck.

Stay out of it. There is no way for you to survive these relationships if you take sides or offer an opinion. And guess who has control of your grandchild. It's hard,but you need to be smart about this.Pam

hard2say
hard2say
in reply to sweetiepye

i would've loved to stay out of it.. but he brought me into it. Do i tell him I'm a neutral party?

sweetiepye
sweetiepye
in reply to hard2say

It must be breaking your heart, but I think you have to tell your son that is one time you cannot get involved. Any knowledge you have would be resented . It doesn't matter what the problem is, you do have to remain neutral. Pam

unfortunately....only he can change...as hard as it is...we are mostly side-lined when it comes to decisions and choices others have to make for themselves. We can only give our opinion and share how we see things. And if your son is wanting you to see things from his point of view....well unless you agree....you don't. And that's how it is. Learning to let go, especially when it's a family member, or good friend, is hard to do. But at some point, for your own sake....you will have to let him live with his choices, whether in your eyes they are right or wrong. As you know, we either learn through our mistakes, or we risk repeating them.

hard2say
hard2say
in reply to fauxartist

Yes I agree. I just feel that he is making decisions while not himself. But you are right..i can't fix it for him. I just wish he could talk to someone other than me. He really doesn't respect my opinion. I've been divorced 2x and hoped he would not have to go through that sense of failure. I was friends with his fiancee before they met and I love her like a daughter.

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