I want to fix it and I just don’t kno... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
45,882 members47,279 posts

I want to fix it and I just don’t know how


Five years ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy, quickly followed by cancer. When the dust settled from that, I was diagnosed with dementia. I guess my case is complicated and I don’t want to vent it all in my first post, but I don’t know how I can go on much longer without talking to someone. I’m not the same person I was before, my past is mostly gone from my mind. I have problems with my short term memory. I try to work, and I thought it would be good that the lady I help is a retired nurse. Not the case. She complains to me and about me. She tells anyone who will listen that she is losing money because of me. The other day she told me I was a disappointment. May not sound like much, but that just about broke me. I already have nightmares and get sick when I am working. She treats me like she owns me. I want to be useful somewhere, I just don’t think it’s here. I don’t know what to do

11 Replies

no, your working relationship is not a healthy one, are you needing this job....can you be referred to another client possibly....your an employee not a whipping post. The abuse must stop....and if you need this job....can you talk to this gal and somehow regain a working relationship. If not....I am so sorry your going through this, who needs any more change when your already dealing with more than your fair share. But it will needlessly wear you down this kind of constant abuse....I know....I've been there too.... and fortunately I was young enough to be able to move on....not so easy now.

Melthepest, I don't think she is the right match for you either. Being a caretaker is a difficult job to begin with both physically and emotionally. There are plenty of people who need the help and nurturing of a kind hearted caregiver. Wish you well in finding some who appreciates your service. xx


I hear what you’re saying and totally empathize with you...my husband works for a woman who behaves in the same way! I think she actually thinks she owns her employees! Terrible way to manage people, but that evil exists mostly out of ignorance.

Start looking for another job! I would keep the one I have until I find another one. Just keep pushing through the dark times and cherish the good! 🌷🙂🌷

I help out in this flea market she bought when she retired from nursing. It is just her and me. We make no money, which is stressful, I get that. But she put NO research or planning into this. I can understand her being frustrated and wanting to blame someone, but she should take some of that on herself for not planning and researching better. I had an absence seizure here at work the other day. I froze, could not speak and it lasted several seconds. Her response? What is wrong with you?! All said as she walked away from me in disgust.

I agree with others that you should begin to look for another job. I believe there is quite a good demand for carers. Perhaps you can look into working for an agency that supplies carers.

Melthepest in reply to b1b1b1

I am living on my own and I can’t drive, so my options are extremely limited. I have applied for disability, but of course Social Security has denied me once, but I got a lawyer and reapplied recently. If I get it, it wouldn’t be a ton of money, but I could quit the job, volunteer somewhere and feel a whole lot more at peace.

My opinion: If she is a nurse (and if she knows your medical history - that's key) then she knows what she is doing. She learned about it in school, it is part of her professional responsibility.

Unless you are destitute, quit.

If you are destitute, sue the stuffing out of her. She took an oath to do no harm and she is doing harm to a person in a medically vulnerable condition. I do not like bullies and abusers.

If you are in America, you might consider contacting United Way for direction in finding work or volunteer opportunities which will work with your situation. Even if they cannot help directly, they should be able to refer you to the appropriate people. They can also put you in touch with people who can help with the effects of your illnesses and treatments. Occupational therapy, counseling, all sorts of help.

My fellow employees and company are #3 in contributions to them and we have learned a lot about what they do.

People change (physically and neurologically) after a major illness, and you have had several. Those changes can be devastating because they undermine your trust in yourself. It is really hard to work through that. People in our family, friends, don't understand what it is like. It complicates things further.

May God watch over and bless you and keep you from harm. Hugs.

Melthepest in reply to Posykelly

Thank you so much. It is amazing that this woman, who is so well educated, can be so ignorant. She has been so dismissive of my medical situation, she rolled her eyes and said my doctor was over medicating me and that was what my problem was. Then, idiot that I was, I thought I would show her the report from my surgery. Her conclusion? I didn’t have cancer at all! I asked her where she saw that, and she pointed. When I made her finish reading the sentence and see that there WAS one tiny place that was cancer free, but there was a 27 lb malignant tumor attached to it. She just shrugged. No sense in admitting you are wrong, I guess. My neurologist (and many others) have urged me to stop discussing my medical situation with her, so I have, and I think it drives her nuts


Wow what an awful person. Aren't you glad that you're not like that? I'm so sorry for your situation but I do agree with all the other posts, when you can get away from this person, they sure aren't helping you in any way shape or form. I'm wishing you all the best. Love & Hugs!!!

well, can you feel useful somewhere else? Do you neeed to take the abuse?

I can’t drive due to seizures and memory issues, so that is one thing limiting my choices in employment. I have several physical and neurological problems that make it pretty much impossible to hold down any job I can find, which is why I have filed for disability. That could take awhile, though, so I’m doing my best to keep my bills paid with this job for the time being. With my luck, she will stress me into an early grave before that happens. I am sick to my stomach constantly, I had two small seizures today and I left shaking so much it was like I was vibrating.

You may also like...