Overwhelmed with fear! : Hi! I'm new to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Overwhelmed with fear!

Gaily81 profile image

Hi! I'm new to this group & I was glad to see there was a site that might be useful to me. I live almost every day with fear & anxiety over what might happen to my 38 year old daughter who is addicted to alcohol & also had a bad addiction to heroin but she's now on methadone. She goes to the clinic every day to get her dose & then she starts drinking really cheap vodka & stops at night. She's so sick, has had pancreatis 10 times. They bring her into the hospital, detox her, she gets out & starts drinking all over again. My one biggest fear is that I'll lose her or she could have a stroke. I lost my oldest daughter who was 22 of a heroin overdose & my son overdosed twice on heroin but didn't die. I'm not sure how to deal with the fear, stress & anxiety. It's getting the best of me.


17 Replies

Since you're in this for the long haul, I recommend you talk to your doctor. Get a check up if you haven't had 1 in a year and also discuss with him or her your level of fear, anxiety and stress and why and how long you can reasonably expect it to last. See what the doc recommends. I have a very long list of self help ideas that have helped other people on this site and could print them here if you say you are interested, so let me know if you are. Good luck to you in this most difficult of times.

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue

Hi! Thanks for your reply, I so appreciate it! Yes I would love a list of self help ideas, I'm open to anything positive.

I made an appt to see a new doctor in a few weeks. I have many health issues & I believe most of them are due to stress, fear, & anxiety. The major health problem for me right now is the fact that I have chronic Lyme disease from a tick bite that I got back in 2009. Before that, I was very healthy, had my own housecleaning business that I started in 1980. I had to give it up after I got sick. The doctor I went to first started me on heavy duty antibiotics for 12 weeks, it didn't kill the disease. Because I was having so much physical pain, he put me on some wicked narcotics. I would try one, get sick, so he'd put me on another one. This went on for a very long time. I became dependent on Percocet & I was on that for years. At the beginning of this month I decided I didn't want to be on them bc they made feel weird, on edge, nauseous, etc. so I have been detoxing myself & today is day 11. I'll be all clean by Sunday & I'm so happy. My pain is bad, like never before. I think that will get better in time, I'm hoping anyway. I'm definitely NOT going to take anything that's gonna mess up the chemicals in my brain. I'm really hoping this new doc will not be a pill pusher. I am on something already for my anxiety, it's a benzo but I wish I could replace them with something more natural. I know exercise helps & plan on joining a gym with a pool to get me moving again. It's gonna be tough but I know in the long run, it'll get easier & I'll reap the rewards of feeling better & stronger in mind, body, & spirit.

Thank you! 😊🌷🦋🙏🏼

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

Congratulations for being so close to setting yourself free of the Percoset! That's quite an accomplishment! I hope the pain does diminish for you. Yes, you certainly don't want to stay on the benzo long term either. I'm paying the price now for that myself. I don't wish it to happen for you. If you keep focused on what you want, you'll get there in the not-too-distant future. Won't that be exciting?

Here's the list:

Some natural remedies and non-drug sources of information are books, videos, and workbooks suggested by other people on this site:

1---"I've found David D. Burns' "Feeling Good" and "When Panic Attacks" to be very helpful."

2---"I am working through the anxiety workbook by Dr David Carbonell and it has helped immensely!!! " His website is anxietycoach.com

3---psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways...talks about ”9 ways to reduce anxiety now”

4---The book “Freedom From Fear” by Neil T. Anderson. Addresses the spiritual aspect of the battle of anxiety with a holistic approach and the peacefulness God gifts to us.

5---Dr. Jonice Webb authored "Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect"

6---Mindfulness has helped many people and is now recommended by doctors in the UK. Here’s just 1 link that explains it’s usefulness: heartwoodrefuge.org/benefit.... Another option of many is called MINDSHIFT. You can download it to your phone from Google Playstore.

7---TRE (Trauma releasing exercises) is something you can learn in a class but you don't have to talk about your problems and once you have learned the technique you can use it at home.

8---UK site for stress, anxiety and depression information: panic attacks: nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an...


10---"A good book that I came across recently is The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 6th Edition by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. You might find this book to be of some help to you, although communicating your thoughts and feelings in a group setting is enormously helpful as well. "

11---“The book DARE, which is about anxiety. It’s a very good book about accepting anxiety and letting go of the fear. The author is Barry Mcdonagh and he also has a YouTube channel and a Facebook support group.”

12---For anxiety: Claire Weekes audio books on iTunes. “Self Help for Your Nerves” is one title that is good. You can see her on YouTube. “The Dr. Claire Weekes book is easy to understand and will help you on your way to recovery through acceptance.” Someone else says: “I like the paradigm of acceptance by Dr. Claire Weekes in Hope and Help for your Nerves. It is the preeminent book of self help for people experiencing anxiety disorders and the depression that accompanies it.”

13---I would also add Don't Panic by Dr. Reid Wilson.

14---For meditation time the app called CALM is good. Available on iTunes and Google Play.

15---Another really good CD and book is the Linden method.

16---How to be good with yourself: self-compassion.org/the-thr...10---Try the meditation app called Headspace. It's done in 10 min. slots once a day.

17---Videos on YouTube by THAT ANXIETY GUY helps with anxiety re: depersonalization/ de-realization states. The Anxiety Guy podcast is currently #1 in the health category on iTunes, and will begin taking you from fear to freedom starting today. Visit anxietyexit.com to subscribe and begin downloading the latest episodes.

18—For UK residents: Have you ever been in touch with the organization called MIND? They offer one to one sessions with a Project Worker free. They also run courses that you can attend free of charge. One of the courses is about anxiety. Their website is mind.org.uk

19---"Go on the Psychology Today site and look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety." Psychology Today has listings with psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists with their pictures and the therapists’ specialties and philosophies, sliding scale fees if they have them, education and insurance accepted and other details they choose to post for you.

20---Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? self-compassion.org/the-thr...

21---“Have you ever listened to Louise Hay on YouTube? Some of the talks help motivate you and hopefully you will feel a positive energy.”

22---“I called one of these online therapist sites. The therapist was really good. It was prestoexperts dot com. Her name was Lori Burke. Definitely a professional and she got me through this awful depression/anxiety morning.” (There is a charge for this service)

23---For meditation look at:

Tara Brach and Chopra Center


25---Anxiety No More by Paul Bywater. A phone app.

26---At Last a Life book by Paul David.

27---The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

By: Matthew McKay PhD, Jeffrey Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

A Clear and Effective Approach to Learning DBT Skills

First developed for treating borderline personality disorder, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven effective as treatment for a range of other mental health problems, especially for those characterized by overwhelming emotions. Research shows that DBT can improve your ability to handle distress without losing control and acting destructively. In order to make use of these techniques, you need to build skills in four key areas-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

Source: NewHarbingerPublications

Caution for non-Buddhists: Zen Buddhism inspired aspects of DBT, along with behavioral science and dialectical philosophy. Source: GoodTherapy.com.

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue

Wow! Thank you so much for all that info! I listen to Louise Hay & get emails all the time. I have the calm app on my phone. I'm gonna check most of these out.

I have been on benzodiazepines since 1993. My gynocologist put me on them for bad PMS. I had no clue what they were but they made me feel better & I could sleep again. Now I'm wishing I never started them & I know they're very very hard to detox from, therefore, I never wanted to try to stop taking them. I still only take 2 a day & the dose is 1.0 mg. Are you still taking them? If not, how did you stop? If the doctor can give me some good advice on how to detox, I will try. I know I can only do one thing at a time so, I first have to get thru the opioid detox. Tomorrow should be my last day then, I'm free. It'll take my brain awhile to get back to normal. I'm also on an antidepressant that the doc put me on for chronic pain. Had I known how much these affect my brain, I would've refused them. Those are also very hard to detox from but in time, I won't be on them anymore. My goal is too be healthy again like I used to be. Granted bc I'm 60, I'll never feel as good as I did when I was 40, lol!!.. Thanks again for your help!!...🦋

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

You're very welcome! I'm glad you like the list.

Wow! Your final step is on Easter! I hope it goes well! You're well informed and realistic about the Percoset, benzo and antidepressant so you'll probably do well. I admire your determination and your willingness to put up with pain in order to be free from addiction. I hope you find a way to reduce the pain.

I went from 4.0 mg Klonopin/clonazepam per day to 0.5 mg in 11 months. No withdrawal symptoms no problems. I'm holding at 0.5 mg/day because I have GAD and it seems wise to have a little bit in my bloodstream in case the disorder flares up. Maybe at sometime in the future I'll just taper off, I don't know. I've been on it for about 29 years. I'm also 60 years old! And I feel great!! I don't look old or act old.

I'm very flexible and able in many ways. Lots of health problems but not to the naked eye. Invisible disabilities. The Lord has just recently healed me of fibromyalgia, a really huge problem that was very painful. Gone now! I'm no fool but I'm also entirely serious about this.

I'm on an antidepressant (SSRI) and an antipsychotic for bipolar II which is a new diagnosis for me and a shock. I know of no one in my family who's had this. Of course maybe no one ever knew of it since it's been diagnosed at age 58 for me and it's only bipolar II which means no mania, just hypomania. But what's it like without medication, I don't know. It seems like someone would stick out a little. Not sleep very much, like me.

So...unlike you, I have to stay on a lot of meds because my health problems aren't going away for the most part. I've dropped a lot of meds but I have to keep a lot, too. But overall I feel great!! I'm doing well and my health has improved very much in the last year and I can really feel it. I'm happy about the dropped meds, the huge weight loss and the healing from the fibro. I wish you well and I congratulate you on your improved health!

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue


Well I got thru Easter Sunday & I actually went out dancing Saturday night. That's a first for me in years. I also have fibromyalgia & please tell me how you cured yourself? I've had two failed back surgeries & arthritis, scoliosis, spinal stenosis in my back. I can't seem to stand up straight and when I try, it's hard to breathe. I'm hoping that'll change after I get more fit.

I'm a medical marijuana patient & it has helped me tremendously. The pharmacist was so nice to me the other day when I went into the dispensary. She saw how sick I looked & I told her I was detoxing. She asked me what symptoms were the worst? I told her I couldn't sleep & my pain was wicked. She went away & came back with some high CBD capsules & gave them to me for free. Wow, I took two before bed & slept more than 5 hours without waking. I haven't done that in awhile. They're way better than opioids & you don't get addicted to them. Anyway, I'm not feeling good today & don't expect to for another week.

My daughter was over on Easter & bc of her drinking, she turned into a mean drunk & made my day very hard. She's toxic to me and that's sad.

I hope you had a good day & that you feel well. 🦋

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

You danced on Easter eve and hurt like heck afterward. You tried some CBD capsules and slept well but then you had sleep difficulties after that. And your daughter made a pleasant day turn into a rotten one. Yeah, it sucks, but it's all you have right now. And you know it'll get better, right? There's good stuff and there's not-so-good.

No more fibro? Yes!! Because God answered my prayers, not because man knew of a cure, not yet anyway. But maybe tomorrow.

I'm very sorry to hear of your 2 failed back surgeries! How frustrating!! It makes me happy that I've avoided back surgery and it's worked out well for me. It reinforces my decision not to have surgery at all. Thank you for your well wishes and I wish the same for you.

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue

Good morning!I wrote all whole page to you then idk what I did but, it went away, lol. Now if I can remember what I wrote, I'll be doing good. 😜

Thanks for your words of wisdom, you have a lot of faith & that's so good! I to have faith but there's still so much I need to learn in this life. We never stop learning.I try to welcomethe many challenges & I mess up a lot but that's bc I'm human.

I'm not feeling well at all today. I did not sleep well & I was up several times with the runs. I know, this to shall pass.

I wanted to say how sorry I am that your dear beloved husbandpassed away only a year ago. That is so hard to go through, pls know you are in my prayers. God will bless you every day bc he knows you're such a good human being & you have incredible faith.

My dad & stepmom of 88 years young live in Port Charlotte, FL. I try to get down to see them every year. They're both amazing people & nothing stops them. They both have a strong belief in God & I think that's what keeps them so happy.

I hope you have an awesome sunny day!!..☀️🦋🌷🙏🏼🌺💜😊

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

I'm sorry that you had such a rough night. That's miserable and it tends to ruin the next day as well. Thank you your sympathy and prayers, I need all the prayers I can get. I am very grateful for the way God blesses me every day. He's so faithful and good. And cheers to your dad & stepmom! They have each other at such a ripe old age!! How awesome!

You sound very humble but I am guessing you're very wise and/or accomplished because you're so open to new wisdom.

It's amazing how God lets us go through hard times for reasons we can only guess at and then uses us for reasons we can still only guess at. (Okay, we do get a decent glimpse at some very good reasons why, but only long after the misery or embarrassment or whatever.) But if we abandon ourselves to him, that's part of the price. And if we don't, we'll still have bad things happen to us in life, just like anybody else, but I suspect they would take even longer to recover from or maybe we'd never recover from them! But with Christ, we have hope that the end of our pain is sooner rather than later and that the misery is actually less than if we didn't know him at all. And his promise is that even this bad will ultimately work toward our good and therefore he will bring us through this in reasonably good shape to benefit from this ultimate good. That's a lot of hopefulness there. His promises to hang on to when everything looks black.

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue

Good morning! Thank you for your very nice reply, you are so caring & you are very wise! I'm pretty much open to anything that's good for me or if I can do good for another, that's even better. I hope that when I get to feeling better, I can be more of service to those in need. I know I need to do this in order to feel good about myself.

I've had very little sleep in the past 5 days. I feel like I'm going insane. I fall asleep good but around 2 am the pain in my body is so excruciating that it wakes me up. I toss & turn trying to get comfortable but, no way! So I get up & sit in my recliner & listen to some meditations until I think I feel like I could sleep again so back to bed I go. I can't get back to sleep, everything hurts & the sciatica I have in my left leg is awful. So I end up getting up & staying up & crying over the pain. I've always been a tough chick but not these days. I'm so afraid that my sleep won't come back, I haven't had a real good sleep since I was a teen. I don't want to take prescription sleep aids so I've been taking melatonin, it's not working so good anymore.

Anyway, I don't mean to go on and on about me. How are you doing?

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

I'm doing fine!

It's funny how you mention your sciatic pain that goes down your left leg. I've just gotten over the same thing but in both hips and down my right leg. The answer was to go to physical therapy. The pain is referred from my spine out to the hips and then down the leg as far as down to my right ankle. The exercises reduce the pain to almost nothing!! I've just "graduated" and now do the exercises I've been told to do at home. Still no more pain!! That's what sciatic pain is, so why not see if you can get a referral to go to physical therapy? I know exactly what pain you're having and how it keeps you from sleeping! It's nasty! And it's worth learning how to get rid of it!

I still don't get enough sleep but that's because I have other sleep disturbances. I have been able to go back to sleep more often after waking too early, though, and that does help. If I were you, I think I would consider Elavil/amitriptyline or Seroquel/quetiapine in small doses (25 mg) taken at bedtime to help me sleep. My need for sleep would outweigh my desire not to take a prescription. Heck, that was blown long ago. My list of prescriptions is huge. Whenever I get rid of one, I get put on a new one, or so it seems.

Back to you!

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to BonnieSue

Hi! Thanks for your suggestions, I appreciate that. I was on seroquel 25 mg many years ago & from what I remember, I had a terrible reaction. I'm so sensitive to all kinds of meds. I'm on a (SNRI) antidepressant called Pristiq. My doctor put me on them for pain. I'm not getting any relief from those, idk what good they're doing for me? I wish I could just stop taking them but, that'll be hard since I've been taking them for years.

It's been 8 days since I've taken anything for pain. Detoxing from the opiates was so hellish and still is. My pain is tenfold & my brain feels all messed up. I have daily crying spells bc the pain is too extreme & it makes my emotions all up & down, mostly down! My sleep has improved a little with the help of CBD capsules, klonopin, & melontonin. I just want to feel rested & good when I get out of bed. Today was awful just bc I got outside yesterday to do a tiny bit of gardening (my love) but I woke around 4 am to pee & I could barely walk to the bathroom. I felt so stiff & crippled. This is not who I am! I do not like what is happening to me. I feel bad for my husband who sees me suffer every single day & I keep apologizing to him. He's a sweetheart & never holds what I'm going through against me. He only wishes he could help me. I'll be seeing a new doctor in a little over a week. I'm hoping she's gonna be a good PCP for me, someone who is caring & empathic to what I'm going through & can steer me in the right direction for better help. I don't need a doctor who just pushes drugs on me. Maybe there is something more holistic & healthy for me. I would eventually like to join the gym with a pool to do exercises, but it has to been very warm bc I'll have a flare up. Before I can do any kind of physical workout, I have to not feel sick.

The sciatica is bad in both my hips & down my left thigh. I've had this before except on my right leg, then I had a second spinal fusion, it went away & I was so relieved. That was 2 years ago, it's back & the surgeon won't even see me, probably bc he knows it was a failed back surgery, not that I want another one.

I am going to try to stay positive, listen to meditation, read self help books & whatever else I can think of. My cousin & I often get together to paint on canvas so she wants to come over this week sometime & do that. I'll see!

I hope all is well with you & pls know you can use me as a sounding board anytime. I won't mind! 🌺

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

Thanks for your generous offer to listen to me. You may find I take you up on that. And you may regret it, esp. if you've had a rough week also!

I'm sorry to hear how your body has reacted to the Seroquel, it's just not useful to have it do that when you need the rest it could provide. I find that incredibly frustrating.

I think you are doing the best possible with the resources you have. I just wish for your sake the resources weren't so rejected by your body. And I do hope you can get together with your cousin to paint.

It's funny that you mention cousins and canvas and painting because my cousin is down here in Florida from Michigan and we just attended her art show and the judging of her and the other artist's entries from a week of plein air painting and photography. Although she often wins awards and commands a healthy price for commissions, she didn't win in this competition. The lone judge preferred photo-like paintings and she doesn't paint in that style. But her painting is quite good, even if she says it's just average, a good recording of what was in front of her. She's an instructor, also.

I hope you are feeling better and better until we next talk!

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue in reply to Gaily81

About writing and losing it...yeah, it happens to all of us. It's frustrating, I know!

Dear Gaily81, you have definitely been through a lot with the addictions in your family, past and present. Please see if there are any support groups in your area, even an AlAnon or similar drug related groups where you can learn on how to focus on yourself. It's not meant to sound selfish, you will benefit by taking care of yourself and gaining peace and serenity.

Gaily81 profile image
Gaily81 in reply to

Dear Puffcat,

Thank you for your reply, I so appreciate that! I have been to many Al Anon & Nar Anon meetings in the past. I started going with my mom when she couldn't handle my dad's drinking anymore. That was way back in 1973. My dad got sober after my mother stopped enabling him and started taking care of herself. My dads been sober now for 35 years & he's 88 and still goes to his meetings. He's a great guy now! My mom passed away in 1996, she was only 65. I miss her dearly but I know she's with me all the time bc I have had dreams of her almost every night since her death.

I'm not good at opening up to a group so I prefer to get one on one counseling which I've done for many years. After my awesome therapist left, I haven't been able to find the one I like. I do need to look again.

You're so right about me taking care of me first. I'm just now starting to do that. I realize I can't control another's behavior so I pray often to god so he'll take the burden off my shoulders. My problem is, I keep letting fear get in the way. I've got a lot of learning still to do. 😜😊🌷🦋🌺

Hi! I'm a recovering addict with 27 years. First of all I my prayers and thoughts are with you. As a mother of adult children myself, I had the same fears. It's ONLY by the grace of God that not one of my children ventured into addiction. I had nothing to do with their choices. Just like you have nothing to do with your grown children choices. You're powerless. You NEED support. You've been going thru grief alone and you need support. I know you've heard of Ala-non, a great group who's members also have love ones in the grip of addiction. Its not your fault. One of my mentors told me " when the disease is present, it's always in control". You've already had a lost and my heart cries for you but addiction is NOT a choice it's a disease and it takes hitting many bottoms before we addicts get it. As a mother I can't tell you to stop beating yourself up because I do the same when it comes to my kids. After I got clean the emotional pain came back. Issues that i used drugs for years came rushing back and I was diagnosed with mental illness. My children had to deal with my erratic behavior at times. I'm still apologizing. I wish I had a solid fool proof solution but unfortunately there's none. But I'm here to pray for you. Pray with you. And give you ALL the support and resources you need. If anybody hasn't told you today that you are loved, allow me to be the first-YOU ARE LOVED. Peace and Blessings💚

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