Go away: Guilt is a terrible feeling. I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Sarah_May
Sarah_May

Guilt is a terrible feeling. I have no reason to feel it. I finally told my kids’ bio mom to F off and she will never have contact with them after once again allowing them to go without her love & support by her choosing. She gave them up to me, she moved away, she forgot them, she has never come back for them ever and when given the chance to do some good for these kids, she disappoints again. My heart aches because I could never do what she did no matter what.

15 Replies
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Good job on boundaries. Bio moms suck sometimes (my kiddo is adopted too)

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to shaslove

yes they do,....mine was a true sociopath.....

Sarah_May
Sarah_May in reply to fauxartist

Luckily my kiddos have me... those adopted and bio.

I’m glad to see I’m not alone. It’s heartbreaking really. I only want the best for them and it’s just not fair for them. If I could have given birth to these kids I would have. God bless my kids and guide us into righteousness.

Hi I completely understand what you are saying and I do agree with you on many levels. My only concern is do you think this is best for the children? They will naturally have a different relationship with her than you do. x

Be there for them and you.... divorce yourself emotionally and physically from this toxic person.... you did the right thing. I had to forgive myself for all the self blaming and loathing that was a by-product of living with a toxic parent. I have not spoken to her for almost 10 years now and my life does nothing but get better and better. It's important to never speak ill of their parent if you can help it though.... they will sour on the negative talk because they will sadly still be desperate to know why their mother left them, and they want that parents love .....it's just how it is.... so you just let them know when they are old enough and able to make adult decisions for themselves it's up to them at that point what they want to do. But you are here for them now and that's all that matters. Having an emotionally un-available parent that is toxic destroys little ones self confidence and they blame themselves for the parent leaving them, they think something is wrong with them...it's important to always remind them they are perfect and that said parent is away because they are sick and not able to be there for them or care for them....but that you are there for them.... you will love them just the way they are... beautiful little kids who deserve to have a happy life.

Amen. Head on the nail sista. I can say your response has been really inspiring. Thank you.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to Sarah_May

that is very inspiring to me, knowing your devotion to these kids happiness.... I wished I had someone like you when my mother threw me away.... I didn't and I was alone mostly.

Sarah_May
Sarah_May in reply to fauxartist

Thank you. 💗 I wish sometimes I could be better but I work on myself everyday. Day in day out. I too wish I had a parent who wouldn’t been like me (I had my mom but she worked to support my sisters & I.) my dad stayed home with us which was terrible.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to Sarah_May

I was once told that we either repeat our parents behavior...or we do the opposite and try to be the best parent we can be.... everyone struggles....and that is good enough what love you do show them.....

Sarah_May
Sarah_May in reply to fauxartist

Oh trust, I have been doing the opposite of my dad but giving the love my mom showed me and my sisters.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to Sarah_May

your very lucky to have had a loving mom..... I never knew my dad and often growing up was glad I didn't when I heard all the horrible dad stories....but I did have a mother....who was not and is not a kind and loving parent. Fortunately my sister is nothing like our mother....she is a great mom.

Sarah_May
Sarah_May in reply to fauxartist

But you are a strong and inspiring person.

thank you and your very kind.... but you inspire me to have hope for kids in this world today. Most who do have parents that are just to busy for them, and the world passes them by.

The kids today are so socially alienated because of social tribalism, social media, videos games , and reality shows.... You have a tough job and it take courage and commitment. I'll tell you the most important thing I've noticed with little ones today, we have two here, is that they just need to know they are loved, have consistency in their lives, reasonable boundaries so they know where they stand, and lots of encouragement. But always have fun.... get down on their level and listen to what they are saying, it's amazing how well adjusted and secure kids are with just a few simple things...love and kindness.

Sarah_May
Sarah_May in reply to fauxartist

I have to absolutely agree

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