My first attempt, after I searched for bridges for jumping, was treated with bupropin (sp) and soon enough the depression lessened so I could function. My doctor determined I was depressed and with my OK, drove me to the psychiatrist. The cause of the depression became so unimportant to me that when he died, my reaction was as if he had been a stranger I had heard about years ago. However, I still needed the medication, because the depression had not been taken care of. I had dealt with the cause by myself, but I did not learn to deal with the depression.
Over the past years, issues, large and small, caused depression that though below the surface, accumulated. The past six months several severe events culminated with being mandatorally evacuated and spending four weeks in a motel room. When we got back home, we had no water for a week and our financial situation had taken a big hit. The camel's back broke.
Driving down our mountain road in late August, I noticed several places that would be good to drive off. Fortunately, I turned around and told my husband I couldn't take it anymore. He called our doctor, and she told us to go to emergency at the hospital. There, I was diagnosed as being a threat to myself, therefore, i had to be put on a mandatory 'hold' at a mental health facility. The unit was locked, and I could not be released until the 'hold' time passed, or if I allowed longer holding time. Which I did.
The decision to ask for help as well as allowing the longer mandatory hold gave me a whole new life. Right now, my depression is less than it has ever been in several decades. I learned many, many ways to deal with depression that are very doable for me.
My concern now is I feel I must live so I don't become so depressed again, much like a recovering alcoholic. There are no psychiatrists, therapists, or therapy groups within a hundred miles of me. Without support, like the alcoholic, I could relapse. It may happen, but is less likely, or may take longer to manefest itself. I view this group as an even better alternative, as I can meet any time, without an appointment, and it's free. What's not to like?
So, any advice for keeping my head above water.
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I can empathize with your suicidal problems and your need and desire to practice preventative measures! I feel the same way and am constantly working on staying positive and mentally/spiritually fit. I think that’s a really healthy and responsible way to live. I have no desire to be sick and am not currently depressed or suffering! I used to keep this underlying, persistent depression for years and am living in the light at this time. But I do not underestimate my disease and am aware that it could strike at anytime if I’m not working on myself constantly! It’s a daily fight and I completely understand what you’re saying. Please feel free to message me anytime if you care to chat!! Wishing you the best 🌺🌞🌺
Hello NCAQuilter. I'm glad you are reaching out here. You are making some good choices for yourself and I'm happy for you that you are.It so important to stay connected with people. Do you have any family or friends you can Skype or Facebook? Remember to keep yourself busy with enjoyable activities and practice saying positive things too.
I have a superb family that supported my husband and me while I was at a locked care center. (a week ago) The friends I have are also supportive, even though they don't know why I was sick.
The conclusion I came to when I came home was that I will always need to be aware of depression triggers, the same as an alcoholic. I am a recovering suicideholic. For instance, since I've been home, I've been able to slowly take on the required tasks I was unable to do while so depressed. That has excited me so much. Then last night I had trouble sleeping and was awake all night, like before going to the center. Naturally, I'm tired today, the excitement is muted, and some of the things I wanted to do aren't going to get done. My challenge is to acknowledge the tiredness as a reasonable outcome of a sleepless night. And, that a sleepless night needs to be addressed as lack of sleep can be a cause of depression. I'm trying to let go of my expectations for progress today. My husband offered to do the chores, but I felt it was better for me to deal with the loss; it was small and should be best to handle now, rather a bigger one later with no experience. Bob and I are trying to understand why I stayed up so long, and things I can do to keep it from happening again. So far I don't have a clue. Luckily I have an appointment with my primary physician tomorrow morning, and sleep will be the main topic, right after I thank her for getting me to the center. As for the tasks, I can distribute them throughout the rest of the week!
I am pleased to have recognize the depression trigger, and trying to work it out, and asking a professional for help for the part I can't figure. But, it isn't over. I have to let today go, learn from it, and move on. Old habits die hard. This is a real test of how far I've come. I'll need help to keep this in proportion.
I’m 60 and I’ve been through a bunch of BS. Goodness, I’ve told portions of my life here, I’m sure people are getting tired of hearing about it. Life is hard cuz it sure isn’t easy.
I self-admitted to a psych place and the previous time I was there for only 3 days but the last time I was there for 13 days. I was like—what the hell?
Every day is a struggle. I cried just a couple hours ago but now I’m painting a rock. Lol.
If I wanted to leave this world, I have a few possibilities but I won’t share them.
I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad you posted, and I’m glad you have your husband.
I come and share a tidbit of what I’m gone through so I can help someone else. It keeps me sane.
I’m not a doctor nor therapist but try to give suggestions to help others such as you. 😁😁😁😁
So be you. Color if you want. My color book is called IDGAF and I like it. Lol. It’s title is actually I don’t give a f***. I have a quirky sense of humor.
So come back, comment or post. The people here are great!!
Sorry I haven't replied before now. Only excuses, no real reason. I am much like you. After 68 years of depression, several tries at therapy, and two suicide attempts, I have finally found peace. There's a bumpy road ahead, but no cliffs. I have to keep my eyes peeled so I don't run off the road, but, right now, it's doable. The last attempt put me in involuntary confinement: a danger to myself. I voluntary added another 14 days. The Center offered many tools to cope, as well as a change to my medication.
Like you, I want to share the things that I've learned that work for me. Also, I have taught individuals and businesses how to succeed. Most that followed my advice prospered. Most that didn't floundered. A vivid example of, 'Do as I say, not as I do.' I took all of my business advice that applied to me, but, the personal advice that would have helped just went into the void. Now, I know there is a wealth of ways to accept and give help that will 'take.'
Perhaps, together, we can change the world for someone. Stay in touch. We can help each other, as well as other members. And share the ideas the members offer us that work for us.
Hi, I'm glad you didn't go through with it either time and all the important people in your life I'm sure would agree. I was feeling extremely suicidal during December of last year but I'm now glad to say I didn't get as far as attempting to take my life. I've always been prone to depression and in late summer of last year things started to really get on top of me. When I look back over my earlier life, I can even see it when I was a young child and it's always been in a vicious circle with anxiety. I had an unhappy childhood for the most part and it's hard to ever overcome that. My parents were abusive, unempathic and always pressured me to be the best, I constantly felt like a disappointment and just gave up. As a teenager I would try to stay with my grandma and friends as much as possible and went to 2 different counsellors but it didn't help. At 17 I left school ( in the UK school is not compulsory after 16), got a job and moved in with my boyfriend. He was lovely, treated me like a princess and I thought that was me sorted for life. Sadly, that relationship broke down after a couple of years due to my issues, I still miss him and torture myself about how different my life could have been, 18 plus years later. I drifted for a while after that before meeting my (now ex) husband. Things moved quickly, we had 2 daughters but things were not right between us for years before he left us nearly 5 years ago, when the kids were 10 and 5 years old. Since then I've struggled with being a single parent and working full time with no support, it's so lonely. For the first couple of years I coped, even though it was hard. I would take the kids nice places and I felt free, I also had more money as my ex was terrible at managing money and didn't want to go out anywhere. But about 3 years ago my eldest daughter, aged 12 at the time, realised she was on the autism spectrum. She was diagnosed the following year and my family disowned me, blaming me and saying there's nothing 'wrong' with her. Her behaviour has always been challenging but sometimes she goes through phases of being really difficult, as she did for about 6 months at the end of last year and start of this year. Getting the kids to school every morning with my eldest being a handful was like doing a days work but then I had to try to get to my job on time and work on my own in a role my boss had moved me to, despite my telling him I am not suited to lone working. Without the the support and company of my colleagues, I would go over all the horrible things that had happened in the morning and worry myself sick with the worst case scenario of how bad my daughter's behaviour would be that evening. One day my boss gave me some negative feedback which everyone agreed was unjustified and I just walked out and started driving. I was crying, I felt so lost and alone, like there was no place for me in this world. I could easily have ended it then but thankfully something in my brain must have gone into autopilot and I drove to my doctor's surgery, still in tears. I had to take more than 2 months off work with anxiety and depression and when I returned to work gradually I wasn't allowed to work on my own any more. I still struggle a lot but whenever I feel like I want to end it all I remember my kids and my pets need me. I try not to think about when my kids are grown up and don't need me any more, I suppose I'll just have to focus on my pets. Are there things you can do to help people so you have people depending on you? Maybe charity work, something through your church if you go to church, helping elderly people with shopping, gardening etc? Think how heartbroken your loved ones would be to lose you, especially if you took your own life. Try not to give yourself a hard time when you have a bad day, everyone does but it doesn't mean that everything will go wrong, just turn it around by doing something that gives you a sense of accomplishment. If you're having a bad day and your husband offers to do the chores, perhaps you could do them together and cook a meal together whilst talking about whatever is on your mind, good or bad? Another thing to consider is, could there be an underlying cause of your depression? Mine must be related to serotonin imbalance because I also have ADHD (which can make people suicidal in itself and worsens with age in females) and fibromyalgia. Another common cause can be vitamin D deficiency, which is easily remedied with supplements and more exposure to natural sunlight. We can all benefit from getting out and about more, as well as the sunlight, the fresh air and feel good chemicals your body produces when you exercise are uplifting. It's great that you've joined this group, there is always someone to talk to who won't judge you and will understand how you feel. Don't forget, you're not alone, we're all here for you x
rach1402, I haven't read all of this post because I related to your issues so strongly I wanted to let you know a few things that have helped me. The first is to make a list of the things that depress you. Then note the ones you can't do anything about: your first love left. Try to realize most first loves don't work out. That is why they are called 'first' and not 'only'. Your daughter has autism and family blames you. That is on them, you can't change them. Ask her doctor if there is a group of like situated people who you can look to for support.
There may be some you cannot work out as you make the list, but finding work arounds on some will open your eyes that a work around on others may be possible. That could inspire some hope.
What is left of your list are things you can do something about. For each one, list the things you would do to handle it. Make these tiny steps. Then tackle one or two tiny steps at a time. These things have been there causing problems for a long time. Making progress a little at a time is the goal. When anxiety enters, back off for a while until you're comfortable going ahead again. As an example, a big problem I have is procrastination. That causes a horrendous amount of other problems. Now, when I see something needs to be done, like taking my coffee cup to the kitchen, I think, "What is going to happen if I do this RIGHT NOW? Are the cookies going to burn? Is the bathtub going to run over? Will I injure my back?" Of course the answer is, "Nothing!" Now I have permission to take the cup to the kitchen! (Don't ask why permission is needed, I haven't a clue!) And I do it! As for the housework, I took a small step by cleaning off my night stand. It took me three days! Not because it was in such bad condition as I needed to do tiny bits so as not to be overwhelmed by it. Now I maintain it. Cleaning my quilting area was done the same way. Now I can enjoy one of my great passions.
Last, for now, is your daughters after they are grown. Your daughters will 'need' you all their lives. You have developed techniques and wisdoms that they can derive huge benefits from. You may not now believe you have them, but when they ask you questions, you will have answers. And, most importantly, they need your love. You are giving them that freely now. Them knowing you love them will give them a secure place in the world.
It sounds like you are making progress on healing. Keep up the good work. You deserve to be healthy.
'Nuf for now. Thanks for listening. Verbalizing lessons I've learned to others help embed them more firmly in my mind.
P.S. I'm keeping a list of lessons I'm learning, knowing that in the future I may forget them. I intend to review the list periodically to remind myself of them.
Aww thankyou 😊 that's so sweet of you. You wrote a post to ask for advice and ended up giving advice! It can be therapeutic to give advice and support to others and I find it's easier to help than it is to accept help. It seems so straightforward to impart wisdom upon others but so complicated to implement our own advice. I wonder why this is? Maybe people like us are too complicated for our own good and overthink everything. I went to a therapist a few years ago and she advised me to read a book called 'Thunk'. Apparently it's about driving yourself to distraction by thinking too much but I can't really focus for very long due to my ADHD so I couldn't get into it but the point I'm trying to make is that we can think too much and make our anxiety worse. Sorry I've gone off on a bit of a tangent now so I'll stop rambling 😂 but thanks for sharing what has worked for you, I'll give it a try and maybe some other people reading this thread will also benefit from it x
Sometimes, I think we may believe the advice doesn't apply to us, or means we have to 'change our ways'. We may also be too stubborn or lazy to do what is best for us. I have trouble sleeping. I go to bed with a book, or puzzle. My brain is too over stimulated to sleep. If I can't sleep, repeat. Duh. Finally, with new insight, I'm trying to apply old wisdom: the bed is for sleeping, only. (maybe sex, too). I knew this all along and refused to believe it applied to me. Well, it's about time I tried it.
I have resisted exercise since high school. Lot of good that has done me. In my daily agenda, I'm putting walks with my husband. My intent is to let something else on the agenda slide. The walk is too important. I'm 200 lbs and nary a bit of stamina. I finally get it!
Sounds like you've got some good plans, I'm sure that will help. I know what you mean, it's easy to say but hard to know how and when to start. Maybe write it on a planner? Not that I've tried it, just an idea...
I am keeping a planner. Each evening, I make a short plan for the next day that includes leftovers, progress, maintenance, me, and ifs. I feel great if I can do some leftovers, most of maintenance, and several mes. Cherries are completing a group, one progress, and some ifs. I prioritize the plan, keeping a me at the top so I do one a day.
You are so right: it is easier to give advice than heed advice! I have so much good advice to give, and have seen others take my advice and prosper. In fact, for almost 40 years, I gave advice to companies about what computers to buy, and how to set-up processes to simplify goal achievement. And, for the last 32 years of that period, I, with my husband, gave tax, business and personal coaching on how to use one's business to achieve goals. Of course there were many technical aspects to our business, but it was the giving of advice and watching clients succeed using that advice that was my passion. Ironically, I was excellent at organizing systems to specific clients wants and needs, however, I was totally inept at maintaining my own organization! Hence, a major component of my depression. (Everyone else can do this, why can't I?) I know better now!
I know what you mean about relating to each other's posts! That sounds exactly like me, I'm completely disorganised 🙄 in my case, it's down to ADHD. I only got diagnosed last January just before I turned 36 so although I take medication to help manage my symptoms, now I've grown up with it my brain will never develop like a normal brain. Apparently it gets worse in females as we get older 😭especially if it's not managed effectively which mine isn't because there are limited treatment options in the UK and my psychiatrist is very inflexible 😔
Read up on how to handle ADHD. Try Mayo Clinic. Here in USA, they are a very highly rated health organization. They will at least have safe links to explore. I think all of us who have trouble maintaining organizization have ADHD to some degree. I know I do. 'Distraction' and 'obsession' are my middle names. One activity can derail me for hours, weeks, etc.
On your list of things you cannot change, can you find a 'work around' for ADHD? One thing I've tried is organizing one drawer. For me that was in the kitchen. When I put dishes away, things going into that one drawer are put in correctly, always. Over the past year, all my kitchen drawers have become organized and maintained! They are such a joy to open. I wish I had believed this sooner! Better late than never, though, for me it was almost never. I'm 76! Now, on to one drawer of clothing.
A big part of my point is this: What we want to do is like a whole salami. Just as we can't, for most of us, eat the whole thing at one sitting, nor should we try to accomplish all we want at once. Eat the salami in small slices. Accomplish what we want in small increments. We then really have a good chance of getting what we want. Focusing on the progress we've made, and not on how far we have to go helps a lot.
Now, I just have to remember more often to practice what I preach!
Do you think this will help a little? If so, if you decide to try it, I'd like to join you on your attempt.
Thanks, that's really good advice but a lot to take in! I'll have to start with baby steps and you've just given me the tools with which to do it 😊 it's really difficult to know where to start when your issues affect every part of your life but now you've given me some pointers I've got a starting point, thankyou so much for that!
Yes I'll have to check out those resources you've recommended, I do tend to look up information from the US as we're very behind over here unfortunately. As I'm relying on the NHS for ADHD treatment, it's a case of you get what you're given! I could go private but it's expensive and there's no guarantee a private psychiatrist would prescribe the medication which is supposed to work better for adults. My psychiatrist tells me he only knows of 2 NHS doctors in Wales who prescribe the one I want to try and they're miles away in South Wales 🙄 I am actually English but because I live in Wales I can only access Welsh NHS services but I don't think they're much better in England to be honest. It's ridiculous, the National Institute of Clinical Excellence (NICE) states that patients should be allowed to choose between 2 other drugs if the first line treatment isn't suitable so I might have to print that off and show it to him at my appointment next month. The trouble is, any psychiatrist who has been qualified for over 20 years has limited knowledge of ADHD because they were trained to treat mental patients and have had neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD and autism piled on top of their already heavy workload without much specific training. They follow guidelines on how to diagnose them and send you on your way with the stock one size fits all medication and offer you check ups but not very often. When I do go for check ups it's obvious it's not his field of expertise so I do my own research and it's frustrating that I know what is likely to help but can't access that treatment, even though it is licensed for that here. Grrrr! I don't think it's just my psychiatrist, apparently he's the top guy in my area, just we're so far behind America and Australia for that kind of thing. If I don't have any other options I'll have to go private but can't really afford it. I think my younger daughter who is 10 has also got ADHD but we've been waiting for a neurodevelopmental assessment for about 2 years and over here they start high school aged 11 so I want to get her sorted ASAP. It's really difficult getting girls diagnosed over here because they only seem to recognise the stereotypical form of it, hence why twice as many boys are diagnosed than girls and twice as many women are diagnosed than men when the damage is already done 😔
First - If going private is truly the best option, can you afford NOT to go? Are you able to get a free interview with a private? Ask how much it could cost to get you diagnosed and started on medication. Then make a budget to afford it. It may mean giving up some things you now think you need, but don't really, when your health is on the line. Here in America, that may be a smart phone, cable TV, bottled water, foods from mixes, magazines, a new car every two years, a house that is keeping you from getting well.
For an example, when my son and daughter-in-law were impacted by the recession, it was too important to them to stop their daughter's ballet lessons. ($400 a month!) They sold their home, moved to a less expensive rental, and started buying clothes and other necessities at thrift stores. When their car went kaput, her father gave them his old pick-up. We didn't realize they needed help, (neither did her parents). They didn't look or act 'poor', except for that old truck!
The result worked in their favor. She continued ballet lessons and now teaches. Her school grades were so good, she was awarded a full scholarship to U of Madrid! She never felt deprived. When I asked her if she wanted more doll house furniture, her answer was, "No, thank you. I have enough." She didn't get much of what she wanted. When she wanted an American Girl doll, she had to save-up her Christmas and birthday presents and buy it herself! And, when she was 18, I asked her who she was dating, she said, "Oh!, I'm too busy for boys, now." The goal her parents were seeking when they kept her in ballet!
This is hard, I know, I've had to do it myself. With 4 children and facing bankruptcy.
NCA Quilter ,it sounds like you are working very hard at healing and doing well. Yes, I agree getting in touch with the triggers will be a great help in keeping ahead of the depression. I think you should be proud of yourself for the progress you have made. It's true that there will be good days and then set back days. Just keep moving forward. You are doing great. If it is OK with you I will include you in my morning and evening prayers. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer. Keep up the good work.
The world needs more prayer. I will gratefully accept your prayers. Bless you for them.
The last couple of days have not been the best. Lack of sleep caused adjusting my plans for progress. I had to face that sleeplessness was one of the things that can set me back big time. It needed to be addressed, NOW. So, last night I fixed a large cup of warm milk with a little brown sugar and a tablespoon of bourbon. That with two tablets of melatonin and I was off to dreamland. Now I can look forward to progress!
One thing I've promised myself is not to call this journey 'hard'. That would make progress very hard for me. To call it a 'challenge' fits me to a tee. I can take on a challenge now.
If you have a chance, try to check out some of these stories of hope. list.ly/list/1kHk-stories-o... They really are inspirational.
Heavenly Father,
You are a God of incredible love and compassion. Confident in this knowledge I place into your loving hands NCAQuilter. Fill her very being with healing , joy and the courage to embrace each new day as a gift. The peace of Christ be with you.
I believe there are many 'right' ways to treat depression. As there many different causes - events, abuse, genes, temperament, environment, etc., it makes sense to me that there are many different effective treatments. What will work for one will not work for another with 'same' symptoms. There are too many unique components to each depression for 'one fits all'. Since there are so many possible solutions, when one is unsuccessful, we can use referrals from others who have found solutions, or our own research to try others.
And, to tell the truth, I am very leery of any recommendation that claims to be the 'only' solution, and others are just the conspiracies of some greedy entity. I haven't discovered any true facts to support the charges. However, that does not mean, to me, that the solution won't work for some. Trust, but verify. And, I believe a recommendation from a doctor is a valid recommendation to consider. Doctors have years of extensive study, and look for patterns of success when recommending a drug. Medications have years of development and testing to produce a workable product. If a product consistently fails to do as promised, both the product and company loses credibility, so there is a strong incentive to produce products that do as claimed. Medical products go through tough vetting before going to market. All this does not guarantee every drug is as advertised. Opiates is an example of a failure of some process. Opiates not withstanding, we are far healthier than our parents because of this system. And, many depressed people are alive today and leading fulfilling lives because of drugs. Just as many others have found other options work for them.
Hi there again beautiful. I just read your first post and I understand now. I too went through the same. And it's funny that you mention alcoholic because the only place I found serenity was AA, the Lord put me there for a reason and that's where I am, looking for myself again. I have so much to say but it's time for sleep.
I have 3 brothers, a son, and a nephew that have been given a fresh life because of AA. Each of them had to try several times before it 'took'. And, each now keeps a close eye out for triggers to avoid. I've never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, just not interested for myself. I don't have a problem with those who use, either. Those who become addicted deserve our help and compassion, especially from this group. Although addiction and depression may have different physical causes, both individuals need to be very careful after the 'cure'. We can become reinfected too easily. The analogy seems to fit.
This time, I succumbed by being overwhelmed. Now, I am terrified of becoming overwhelmed again, so I am putting all my energies into not becoming overwhelmed. It's exhausting! But, last night, while answering another's post, I feel I should be addressing the terror! Terror makes me want to hide, and that creates a vicious circle. So, I'm going to use the technique they use for phobias: inoculation by overcoming small doses of fear at a time. I have a very supportive husband who, when I start to feel overwhelmed, will help me through it, even doing some of the work himself, until I'm OK. The end result I'm looking for is after getting through periods of being overwhelmed, the terror will recede. I will learn that while being a setback, becoming overwhelmed is no longer frightening. I can take a few steps back and then start forward again.
I wish you success with your challenge. Try to remember: there is no failure in asking for help and there are many who want to help you. Me too!
Wow, I decided to check your profile after the kind words you sent on my post. When I checked your posts and read this one I was able to understand why you can emphasize with me and provide such understanding words. I'm sorry to hear that you had these feelings. I hope we can stay in touch when we need to give each other some words of advice through this difficult illness.
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How I got here... (warning this is long...)
New here: My Depression and Anxiety wrecked my relationship
How do i overcome this
Getting a divorce after 10 years
