My husband is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He’s been one since he found out I was pregnant and even before but I ignored the signs. 10 years I put up with all of the hardships that go along with it. I finally left but depression has taken its hold on me.
I’m worried I made the wrong decision every day and the anxiety stifles me but I can’t let anyone see because I’m so worried about what other people think.
I feel so tired and I just want to lay in bed all day but I can’t for my son but at the same time pushing myself this hard brings me Down further.
I don’t want to take depression medication - I don’t want to talk to anyone - it feels like I’m doing this to myself.
Written by
dreamer315
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
The hardest thing for me to do is give myself a break. Sometimes when I’m judging myself I am able to step outside of myself. How would I judge someone else in my situation. I can be a harsh judge of others but nothing like I am to myself. It helps me be a little kinder to myself. I am a recovering alcoholic myself. No one ever help me by sticking around and putting up with my drinking.i had to loose it all before I surrendered. Not 24 years later I’m grateful for those that choose to take care of themselves so I could learn to take care of myself. I will keep you close to my heart.
Thank you I know I didn’t reply right away but your post truly lifted my heavy heart a little higher. I felt obligated to stay for so long. Thank you for sharing
I believe you are doing the right thing for you and your son. You don’t want your son to see alcoholism and drug abuse
And Jimmyjimmy is right. You have your son to get up for each and every day.
Sure you could lay in bed all day but this little human needs you! Take it easy when you can and your son is a blessing.
37 years ago I was in an abusive relationship, he beat the crap out of me except when I was pregnant. So I had our son and it dawned on me that I don’t want my son to grow up around abuse and this is how you treat women. With drastic measures my son and I got away from him and my son was six weeks old.
Now at 37 my son is smart, funny and handsome. He has been with the same company for 20 years and is a Sr Software Engineer. He’s wonderful and calls his mom almost every day. 😁
You may need to seek help with medication. Even if for a short while. You can talk here because everyone is so helpful.
I’m glad you posted here. I wish you all the best for you and your son. Take care. 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
Very encouraging- alot of times as a mom I second guess myself and judge myself harsher for everything I do when it comes to my son but at the end of the day I have to trust myself to do what’s best and hope he is a human being that is successful and happy. Thank you for sharing
Ask gp for online therapy I did our local one and it does help Don't say you can't go surgery Ring and ask for telephone consultation You are not doing this to yourself but you are letting it take you over You mention church Does prayers not help you You have two good and very important reasons for getting up in a morning and they are your son and yourself Maybe a long journey and a hard one but there is always light at the end of the tunnel Wake up in a morning Think happy thoughts think positive ones Say thank you for being here and keep trying to do that through the day How old is your son
He is going to be in second grade and I am more spiritual that religious. I believe in a higher power and I’m trying to humble myself more and remind myself the world is bigger than myself. Thank you for your kind words.
you often feel you want to just put the world outside the door with depression, but what the most important thing you can do for you is get help. You have a son that will be as effected by depression as you are. The stigma about getting help and taking medication is an unfortunate social ignorance. It does not define you, it's no different than if you had to take care of heart disease or diabetes. Forget about what anyone else thinks....they don't matter, what matters is you getting help. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, there is no cure, and it's not your fault...so forget about the guilt crap....SSRI's are a series of meds that many of us take to mellow out the symptoms of depression, it's subtle but effective for many of us. Why let yourself needlessly suffer, equally important is that your depression effects your relationship with your son as well. Often children don't understand why their parent may be sad or distant, and they will take that on-board as something they did wrong, or that they are some how the reason you feel this way. It's important to talk to your son and explain that this is not his fault either.
As far as your ex- being an alcoholic and addict....he was one before you were married, and unless he's in recovery, will remain one. I would strongly suggest you don't have un-supervised visits between your ex- and your son. I understand someone actively in their disease and they are not responsible to anything but their addiction.
Thank you for your advice - I had my first consultation over the phone today. It was the first time I said out loud that I was depressed . I broke down crying but I feel somewhat relieved but exhausted. Maybe it’s harder pretending everything is ok - I’m still working through the road bumps but thank you for your encouraging words.
You have done amazingly by leaving this abusive man but you are bound to be doubting yourself as this is a big change in your life even though it's a positive one. Take time to adjust and understand that for a time you will feel like this but eventually you will begin to live again. Well done. x
Thank you for sharing. I am in a similar predicament as you and I’m 4 months out of my situation. You did the right thing. What you are suffering from is the death of the relationship. You were going to encounter suffering whether you stayed or left. The good thing about leaving is over time, the pain dwindles. If you are able, reconnect with friends and begin doing activities you once enjoyed. Try not to reflect on the past too much. Dating an addict will drain you. Even if they are living sober, you always have to be on the look out. The lies, odd behaviors, temptations and much more are always there. They tend to take a lot of riskd due to their need for instant gratification. Dating an addict and going thru the relapse and recovery was one of the most stressful times of my life. I appreciated the experience but never again. They will use you as a scapegoat. Steal from you. Blame you for their shortcomings. Addicts are manipulative and a lot of them have undiagnosed mental health issues. There is hope for everyone. Focus on yourself and your son. Think positive and minimize reflecting on the past. Love yourself unconditionally and spoil yourself. You deserve it! Please consider talking to a professional routinely. Let the pride and ego go. Blessings!!!!
Thank you. I just reached out today and it was probably one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I realized that this is a way of loving myself by admitting I have these feelings and trying to make myself better. I have just felt constant fatigue and I just think that life would be better in my dreams sometimes. I’m trying to keep it together - I hope you stay in touch and thank you for your words of encouragement
I hope things are getting better for you. I was the addict in my family, I did alot of damage as well as passed the addiction gene onto my sons. One is gone and one is struggling with depression and addiction. I have been clean for 15 years but as I said the damage is done, we may be getting a divorce and its very rough going from day to day. I have been on Sertraline for 10 years. It seems to have stopped working but it really did help me for 8 years. I'm about to jump back into therapy and have the psych. reevaluate my meds...Never give up....
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Dealing with Divorce and Abuse 
Depression from Divorce
Divorce/Loneliness/Afraid/Effects on child
How do I cope with divorce?
We just told our son that we're getting divorced
