Suggest or relate to my issues

[findurwings]

My panic attacks in school are no joke I am really 'scared' of others around me but people are not aware ... They see me as like some tough stuck up bad person when in reality I am dying inside, carrying a low self esteem, wanting someone to run to. I'm also so realistic, when you step back and take a look, people are not who they pretend to be, friends you call are not the definition of a friend, & you get lost trying to fit in and as result you lose your self so you try to figure your real you... and when you know who you really are and what you want or need.. the friends who you have may not want the real you so they leave you miserable nowhere to go because people still think it's a phase or just simply that you don't match what they like and think your the tough one anyway so you're left lonely and forgotten.. ( I know what it was being known but now I know how it may feel for the ones I would see walking or eating alone and I am sorry..I got siblings whom I wouldn't want to feel this way.. I just don't want to be friends with the same people who used to be around me.. I don't want to be involved in any gossip or glorify bullying or drugs, etc. ... I feel trapped and forced to go to school due to probation and school principal or administrators take my feelings as a phase when in reality it has been there and it has build up and I can't take it ... They are not used to me talking about feelings so when they finally heard me they thought I was on drugs.. really made me mad especially if I've been sober for a year .. also teachers respect me because they know I respect so behavior is not an issue ... & Counseling is BS .. they take everything as a reason to call cps smh.. like really...where is the help then?! I love my mom and siblings and my mom works consistently to keep us good but when you as the child see how she is getting tired and old and sick you carry that too ..it's a lot sorry gn I got school tomorrow

[Raiden]

Im glad you have reached out you sound like you know the changes you need to make its just hard leaving the group. When i was your age it was very similar for me our group were the clowns drugies and fuck ups. I wanted to be away from them but i already had that image attached to my name. So 15 years later most of them are in and out of prison and still on the drugs and not happy people. It wasn't until i was 25 i stoped hanging out with them but i should have done it 10 years earlier. The drugs and partying catches up adventurely and you cant undo brain damage. Do whats best for you dont throw away such important years of your life. Find yourself a nice girl and focus on your grades thats what will make your mom most proud. Dont worry about what people think its all about what you think of yourself you have a good heart. Have a good day mate

[findurwings in reply to Raiden]

Thank you! You too

[kvolm2016]

So sorry to hear that you are struggling through all this. But so great to hear that your family is safe and supportive! School counseling is definitely not equipped to handle many student needs. Do you have an individual counselor that you are able to work with outside of school? And some communities have alternative high school options. Is that something that might be a consideration for you?

[kvolm2016]

just thought I would check back to see how you are doing this week?