best friends or not?

hello everyone! im gonna write something thats been on my mind lately

so i have two close friends, we've been friends since elementary school and now we're 24 years old. and i dont know since when but they always make fun of me not only in our circle but in front of other people too. i mean we always make fun of each other but when they make fun of me its just different. well yeah of course i take their words or action as a joke, i often laugh with them too (eventho its a joke about me)...but sometimes it gets very very veryyyy bad...like it hurts my feeling but i cant do anything about it. im afraid if im saying something the relationship gonna get awkward and there will be gap between us, you guys know what im talking about right? and also ive seen them make fun of other people too and 'that' people say that they dont like it when my friends make fun of them and my friends tell them the most classic shit ever like "relax. its just a joke. come on, we've been friends for so long why are you still getting hurt like that? youre so exaggerating " well yeah for them its a joke but for us its not a joke. they dont even say sorry. thats one of the reason why i dont wanna tell them how i feel when they make fun of me like theres no point but i cant take it anymore. and im afraid they will say something similar like that to me and it hurts my feeling even more. they make fun of my insecurity. they make fun of my past. ive had enough of them but i dont wanna lose them too. its so frustrating!! im kinda feeling stress about it. theyre my only friends...if i lost them at this age, it'd be so hard to make a new friend...so here i am taking their jokes like its nothing eventho im feeling hurt. for the past months, ive been crying at night questioning myself if theyre really my friends or not? like guys, their jokes are just so sooooo badddddd like they'll use anything to make me feel humiliated or only for a good laugh.....oh yeah, i have anxiety disorder and they always make fun of it.

p.s. sorry if im writing it like its my own journal because thats my point. this is the only place i can talk freely about my problem. and also sorry for my english since im not a native english speaker.

[GrayFlower21]

Thank you for sharing. I believe that a lot of people go through these types of toxic friendships. I don't mean to judge your friends at all here. If they are constantly making you feel like this, then this is not a healthy friendship for you. Be honest with them. Tell them how you feel and what you struggle with. If they are true friends, they will stop what they are doing. If they are not, then you need to separate yourself for your own good. I personally know how hard it is to break away from toxic relationships. Change is hard. However, once you do, your life will be so much better. You owe it to yourself to be surrounded by people that truly care about you and your feelings.

[Hidden in reply to GrayFlower21]

thank you so much for replying my post! i really wanna talk to them about it but you know im scared of losing them because i know exactly how they will respond. they will think that im exaggerating things. that's why its so frustrating and i dont know what to do

[GrayFlower21 in reply to Hidden]

I understand. Remember though, your happiness and peace are what matters most.

[hypercat54]

Sometimes attack is the best form of defence. Can you turn the jokes round on 1 of them to get others laughing at them? I say only one of them coz if you try and take on 2 of them they will gang up on you. They are looking for a reaction so don't give them one. Oh and try and make some new friends is my advice.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I've tried that actually but it didnt work. When i turn the jokes to one of them, she will call out the other one and they both will make fun of me in the end...Soooo, its always me..By the way, thank you for your advice

[Poodie]

Hi. Well I would not have thought you were not a native English speaker.

Look, people change and maybe what you used to overlook to some degree just does not sit right w you now.

I know you feel like you will not meet new friends but you will. You are young and you will meet many many people in life. And other people will become your best friends.

You sound kind and compassionate. I think that is what many people look for in a close friendship and that is what you deserve to receive also. It sounds to me like you have outgrown these friends and you are to be congratulated for that. People should care how they make another person feel or in my book they are not worth calling a friend.

Good luck and write on here anytime you want. Many people on here are lovely and want to help others.

[Hidden in reply to Poodie]

Hi, thank you for replying my post!

The problem is i'm not that outgoing type of person. I'm very shy, not very good at talking and i'm kinda afraid of meeting new people so that's why i'm stuck with only having 2 friends. I mean i have other friends too but we barely know each other so yeah..

Once again, thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it.