Afraid to sleep

[Smg315]

When I was 16, I was with someone who I truly thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. He was my world. And then came the cheating. For years I stupidly forgave him for all the awful things he did because I thought we were “meant to be” and that it was something we had to work through. 5 years later, we were supposed to move away together as our families were making our relationship difficult to handle. I moved, he didn’t. When I went to pick him up so we could leave, he was in the house with another girl. 5 years of him cheating with multiple partners. 5 years of mental, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Now I believe I have some form of PTSD to accommodate my anxiety and severe depression. I’m having nightmares of my

current partner cheating when I know he would never hurt me. I struggle with trust each day but he understands and tries so hard but when someone constantly accuses you of cheating, it can get tense. How do I escape the nightmares of my current partner ? How do I let go of the past? I don’t trust women as most of the women my ex cheated with would pretend to be my friend while sleeping with him. I have very low self esteem due to my weight and my trust issues are going to break up my current relationship. My current boyfriend is amazing and I don’t want to lose him but it’s more than that. I can’t have healthy relationships with anyone cuz of my trust issues. I have one friend as I cannot bring myself to trust women. I have social anxiety because I feel people won’t like me if they know me. I just want a full night’s sleep but the nightmares wake me in panic attacks. I hope I find some answers before I lose my mind with lack of sleep.

[Hidden]

Hello!

I can certainly empathize with a lack of sleep, but for different reasons. Your current boyfriend is not your ex boyfriend. He shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of the ex! I think you’re just going to have to take a leap of faith with your boyfriend and trust him. If he gives you no reason not to trust him, then you’ve got to take that leap. You will feel a great sense of freedom if you let go of the past. It cannot be changed...it is what it is...part of your trauma is related to the fact that you chose not to leave him and chose to suffer the pain of his cheating, no matter the rationale. That took two! The past is serving only to haunt you and foil your future, so let it go!! You’re the only one who can do it! Live in today with your awesome and faithful guy! Just make up your mind and take control of your thoughts!! Wishing you peace! 🌺🌞🌺

[Smg315 in reply to Hidden]

I agree 100% that it’s my fault too since I kept forgiving him and I have to learn to let it go as it’s part of my past.

[hypercat54]

Hi it's not women you should be mistrusting but men as it was a man who cheated on you. He did it because he chose to and not because other women chased him!

I think you need to have some form of counselling as it sounds like you need to work through your issues and to be able to put them into perspective a bit more. You have to learn to let go so you can move on. x

[Smg315 in reply to hypercat54]

I distrust men because of the cheating and I distrust women because of how many were my “friend” then they slept with my boyfriend. I’m learning to trust but it is a daily struggle. I know I need to let go. Especially since I’ve been with my current boyfriend almost 3 years.

[hopeful0907]

I am so very sorry you went through such a painful experience. I have dealt with PTSD and it sounds like you are struggling with it. Abuse in any form causes such deep wounds that recovering takes time. You are right that no relationship will be a healthy one until you find healing. Have you looked into a local PTSD support group? Or maybe speak with a counselor about what you are going through? Letting people close to you is hard when you have been hurt, but you are doing great by reaching out! My husband and I went through something similar where it took some time to trust him but I started by reminding myself I was safe, he was safe, and I continued that process of forcing myself to see him differently until I trusted him. It is also a great time to start seeing the good in you! It may be a good idea for you to let your BF know why you act the way you do, make him secure by telling him you KNOW he is different and you promise to work through your pain. Ask for his support and if possible, both of you should go to counseling so he can see that he can help you through. Here to chat anytime okay.

[Smg315 in reply to hopeful0907]

Our schedules are so hectic that we cannot find time to go together. I have seen a counselor a few times but it only helped temporarily. My doctor and I are currently working on my medications as I just got diagnosed with depression anxiety and bi polar a few months ago. My current bf knows how much I love him and he knows why I am the way I am but I know he gets frustrated sometimes as I would to if there was constant accusations. Since starting my meds, the accusations have stopped. I feel more secure but there is still a long way to go.

[hopeful0907 in reply to Smg315]

I am glad you are getting some support. The best way to overcome the accusations is to remember that your BF is not the one who hurt you. Sometimes it is hard to not let our minds wonder to the worst case scenario when things are happening, but if you can take a moment to take control of your thoughts before you speak it will work wonders! Sounds like you are doing the right things to gain your health and freedom back, keep it up!

[Smg315 in reply to hopeful0907]

Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it. I do have to remind myself constantly that my current boyfriend is not my ex. He’s never hurt me the way I’ve been hurt before. He actually takes care of me in ways I’ve never been taken care of before and I’m lucky to have him.

[Hidden]

In time, as awful as that sounds, those feelings and dreams about your ex will pass as you allow yourself to move on, which is most important. Your new boyfriend is just that, a new experience for you, and a chance for you to have a clean slate. Treat yourself to nice things before bed like a relaxing bubble bath, a good book or movie, things that make you happy and less anxious before you sleep to combat the nightmares. The less you think about him and the more you think about the new opportunities in your life to be happy, the easier it will become. 😉