How do I speak up for myself?

[Caseopia]

How to I speak up for myself? I’ve always had a problem not saying No to others and not speaking up for myself. I end up with stronger fears and resentments. My current situation is I need to switch counselors at the office I go to but afraid to tell my current counselor how I feel. She has done several things that I disagree and hurt me such as telling me I don’t have anxiety and panic attacks that I’m just an emotional person. I am emotional by nature but I know the difference. My anxiety is taking control of me and my counselor won’t help me with it and always tries to change the subject. She also has covered her ears twice while saying “la la la” because she didn’t want to hear what I was venting about. I am so scared to say how I feel and switch counselors and I don’t know why.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I find I have to self advocate for my own health. Whether it be physical or mental. So if you want to change therapists do that.

Initially I thought the "la,la, la" reaction was a bit unprofessional but you also said she tries to "change the subject." I remember getting mad at my counselor because she always wanted to talk about the same issue. I wondered what was wrong with her that she kept harping on the same issue. Well, as it turned out, that subject was exactly what I needed to talk about.

Is she trying to tell you something you're not listening to?

Just another perspective.

[Caseopia in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I take her suggestions and listen to her. I had two family members going to the same office but different counselors and I need to vent about one but she won’t let me. It’s a conflict of interest.

[mjcll41]

I used to be a counselor. I'm not anymore because no one ever taught me how to do the paperwork, and I disagreed with the political BS. Maybe someday I'll go to seminary and do it the way I want. If I do, I promise not to stick my fingers in my ears.

Anyhow, I have had to ask for a new counselor myself. What you do is you go to the front desk and tell them. They should be able to put you with someone else. Either your current counselor will never know or else her caseload is so large, she won't notice. If she does confront you about it, report her.

[Caseopia in reply to mjcll41]

Thank you so much for your feedback. Good points.

[mjcll41 in reply to Caseopia]

You'll notice that I responded to someone else post underneath your response. I said (and it bears repeating), "Nothing makes my problems go away faster than helping someone else with theirs."

[Afrohair]

You have to stop saving other people’s feelings to make yours worse look at it like that!put yourself first

[Caseopia in reply to Afrohair]

It’s so hard but you’re right. I put everyone else first and I’m aware I need to change that. Once in a while when I do put myself first, a family member gets angry and tells me I’m selfish and self centered but I know I’m not.

[mjcll41 in reply to Caseopia]

Afrohair is right. You need to put yourself first, but I want to go into more detail. You are the sort of rare person who gives the back half of a rat about others, and I would hate to lose that. You can be a healthy helper. It's complicated, but I'm following you, and I see you're following me, so I can walk you through it. In a nutshell, the mentality is that "if you are down, you can't help anyone else."

[quitter333]

Options:

1. just do it. idk, see what happens.

2. watch a ton of speakers and leaders. E.g. Caesar, MLK, Theodore Roosevelt, Trump etc. They did not fear other people. Learn from them. Actually from more recent - just watch a reel of Trump debates - he is master of speaking up for himself. It is quite amazing for a 70 year old celebrity to have such iron nerves.

3. Speak louder and don't stop speaking until you have completed your thought.

4. Join drama or improv - there will be roles that require you to be the dominant/ angry/ energetic party on stage. You will get a ton of experience in a very short time. (improv is easier as you can go through 10 roles in one training session, while drama makes you learn motives and learn text by heart).

EDIT: lol, I misread you were talking about long-term issue. Short term - just go and speak. Like, what the hell, it's your time and money. If you do not respect your time, noone will.

[Sunnidayz1]

It sounds to me like your counselor is not competent and she is making you feel like you're not competent. She is wrong & she is taking advantage of your soft heart.

If you want to speak up for yourself and gain confidence in general you gotta turn inward and learn self love.

Yes, self love.

It's when we love ourselves that we discover that we deserve the best and as a result we dont take garbage from people. We live our best life through self love.

Do something you would normally not do...

Dont go to her again...w/o any explanation!

You owe her nothing. She works for you.

It's very empowering to do that. You will discover just how strong you are just by dropping her w/o having to explain yourself! Believe or not this action shows self love bc you are protecting yourself from a person who is treating you terribly. You deserve better.

Good luck to you. I hope my insight has helped.

SunniXx

[Caseopia in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you. Self love is something I struggle with but I’ll work on that because what you posted is so true. Thank you again.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Caseopia]

Google it. You can do it. Takes work like anything else in this world.

You're welcome.

Much love!

Sunnidayz✊💜💪💗