Moral dilemma: I recently decided to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Moral dilemma


I recently decided to get back into church and decided to start volunteering again to just make my mental state better, so today I talked to the guy in charge of volunteers and I had to sign a piece of paper that I have to stop volunteering or can’t volunteer at this time if I live with someone of the opposite sex (not a problem for me cuz I live with my dad and don’t plan on living with a boy until I’m married just cuz that’s what I want not religious reasons) that I can’t do drugs or drink excessively (also not an issue cuz I don’t do drugs and don’t like to drink cuz it messes with my medicine and makes me sick) but also that if I’m pursuing a same sex relationship that I won’t volunteer at this time or any longer, and I’m pansexual so I don’t really love body parts but people and it bugs because if I chose to love another women I’m no longer a good role model or something, and I’m very supportive in lgbtq+ so even if I wasn’t pansexual this just seems wrong and I’m just racking my brain around this unsure of what to do, whether it be just ignore it and continue to volunteer or stop volunteering or potentially say something

15 Replies

You can also join a different church. In my opinion it is not appropriate for this church to ask you to sign such a document. You are not there to become a nun, and it is up to you to decide what you want to do in your private life. I think you can sign it if you want and begin volunteering or you can look for a more compassionate church.

Malumaf in reply to b1b1b1

My friend recommended trying to make a change from the inside as long as I make it known I’m against this rule, I just hate it cuz I love my church and I’ve never felt that they weren’t inclusive until this moment and I volunteered with them years ago and this wasn’t a thing, I get the background check cuz I’ll be working with children and I get that my social media can’t promote anything illegal or stuff like that, and I get the drugs and drinking thing cuz kids are impressionable and I even get the not living with someone of the opposite sex unless your married or they’re family, cuz you just wanna set a good example for children or whatever, but I never thought my church was against lgbtq+ and it’s just a shock to me cuz it’s such a progressive church and it’s the only one I’ve been to that I enjoyed going to and made me feel fulfilled and it just hurts my heart

I would encourage you to speak with one of the leaders in the church to get more information on why they have this requirement. Having an open and honest conversation about your questions is always the best route to take instead of speculation, accusations, hurt feelings and simply leaving to find something else. May be a great opportunity to explore the church's position on social concerns and learn more about what the Bible has to say about the choice to live different lifestyles.

Malumaf in reply to LaPetiteGen

I’m really close with one of the families who’s super involved in the church so I think I’ll talk to them because I’m most comfortable that they’re not gonna judge me or kick me out or anything like that, thank you for the advice

I think it is such a great sign that you are taking your word/signature so seriously. It show that you have great integrity. With regards to the actual words, "pursuing a same sex relationship", I'm assuming from the rest of your post that you are not doing this so I think you can truthfully sign it and volunteer. But, I see what you mean about wondering if this attitude "jives" with pansexuality. If the volunteer "manager" seems rigid, it might be worth telling a different staff member that the request gave you pause because of what it implies about the church's stance on people of "non-traditional" sexuality. It is an important matter for churches to consider carefully right now. Who is welcome in their church vs who is welcome to be involved in service or leadership?

Malumaf in reply to socalpoppy

That’s what I think, I’m mostly thinking that if anything I can change it from the inside out and be there for a kid who feels like an outcast because he’s gay

Well I'm going to be outspoken here, but personally this is the reason why I can't really agree with many churches. Most of them when it comes down to it are anti anything that isn't heterosexuality. They preach about "love" but guess what when it comes to you being pansexual they wouldn't like it. Not being allowed to have a same sex relationship if you want to become a volunteer is down right discriminatory but churches are allowed to get away with this for "religious" reasons.

It's up to you what to do as I understand you are not in any relationship so not breaking their rules. You can choose to hide your pansexuality if you want to volunteer there to help your mental health or you could have a discussion with them which would be brave and an interesting thing to do.

I am lesbian and have associated with church people who didn't know I was. I asked them their ideas on homosexuality and I can tell you the response was not positive. I took it all in whilst keeping it to myself that I am not heterosexual. Maybe I should have spoken out but I prefer to mainly ignore any church altogether although there is one Metropolitan community church that welcomes LGBTQ etc people.

It is a shame as there are many church people who are very nice except for when it comes to this topic. I did make the point to this person "How can you dislike someone for who they are? " To me it is the same as not tolerating someone because their skin is not the same colour as yours; in other words it is outrageous discrimination.

I am also a pragmatist and if I needed so much to volunteer there I would probably just keep quiet if it was going to benefit me to work there. That is me. I would probably sign something to say I wouldn't have a same sex relationship (even if I was having one) if I needed that badly to volunteer but I would probably rather find somewhere else as those views don't fit with me.

There are many who would not agree with this. It depends what other options you have and how important church is to you and all sorts of things.

Malumaf in reply to Stilltrying_

I understand where you’re coming from, and I’ve met people who are completely against it in church because they were raised by judgemental cruel people in church and I’ve met people who are so loving and open minded and inclusive because they were raised in that kind of church, so maybe I can be that open minded loving inclusive person to help raise these children ya know?

I would focus on the good U can accomplish.

Malumaf in reply to bw333

Thank you that’s what I thought too, it feels good to be reassured

Many churches will have a volunteer sign that they agree with certain tenets or ideals because it is what the church believes as far as their Statement of Faith. If you are teaching/volunteering with the young children in the church, parents of those children have, hopefully, chosen that particular church because they agree with the Statement of Faith and what the church is teaching from the pulpit and expect that to be echoed in other areas of the church. This would usually go for adults attending and involved as well. Have you looked at the church's Statement of Faith, mission statement and other documents? If you haven't you should ask where to find them (if they are not on or linked to the church's website). If you have any issues with those, or with the volunteer statement you were asked to sign, definitely talk to the Pastor and find out why the church believes this is important. If you wanted to ask the family you are close with to meet with the Pastor with you to help you feel comfortable, that would be a good thing too! But I would definitely talk it over with him/her and have them help you understand as they are the main ambassador of this church and the church that you would like to be an ambassador of by volunteering with. Keep us posted on what they say!

Malumaf in reply to MomLeslieM

Thank you mom Leslie! I’m definitely gonna talk to them more cuz I just want it to be known like it’s very unprogresdive and I’m all about this world moving forward with its views and being accepting of everyone! I will definitely post updates as they come along!

MomLeslieM in reply to Malumaf

Just remember that the church is built on God's word and not the world's views -- so you may find they are accepting of everyone but not accepting of everyone's lifestyle and choices. Definitely looking forward to your updates to see what they say!

Well, that is an awful lot of stipulations just to volunteer. Maybe you can volunteer elsewhere? What type of volunteering are you looking to do anyway? If you want to volunteer I will bet animal shelters, and social service organizations would really appreciate your help. Good luck with that.

gogogirl in reply to gogogirl

Excuse me- grammar police- I meant those are stipulations!

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