Im new to this

[Wowie132]

Im new to this whole support group thing, I have never seen a therapist or gone to talk to someone other then one close friend dealing with the same thing. I have anxiety which leads to paranoia and depression. It started freshman year of highschool within the first week, I am scared of big crowds in a small space so the hallway was a nightmare and I ended up having a panic attack when I escaped into a bathroom, it was my first panic attack and I was all alone and scared. Im now going into senior year and I have gotten better with crowds and small spaces but the hurt and paranoia is still there and I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this. I feel like I have no friends and nobody who cares about me which makes it even harder. Hopefully someone out there is able to help even a little

[IheartDogs]

Hello and welcome, glad you reached out here. It seems as if you've been holding your own for a few years and helping yourself but at some point we all need to get extra help on the outside. Are you able to talk to a counselor at school to be linked to a therapist? Seeing a professional would be a great place for you to continue working on things. Keep us posted and hope you feel better!

[Wowie132 in reply to IheartDogs]

I cant see a therapist without going to my parents and they think mental issues are a way for "this generation to get attention"

[IheartDogs in reply to Wowie132]

That's great you can do that. Let us know how it goes. And what others think doesn't really matter. What truly matters is what you think.

[hunter4ransom]

Welcome Wowie.

I too suffer anxiety which then triggers depression. I have a daughter who is popular, smart, well liked (also a senior in high school) who suffers terrible anxiety. My 18 year old son has his own set of issues, but can’t be in crowds or large groups of loud people as he just shuts down. I can completely relate to your post.

You show great strength in recognizing and acknowledging your battle with anxiety. You shouldn’t have to go it alone. I’m so glad you have a friend who understands. My best friend is a huge support to me. Have you talked to your parents about your struggles? Do you have access to doctor or therapist who can steer you in right direction for help/relief?

My daughter goes to a regular high school and there is not a lot of support there, but my son goes to an alternative high school and the resources are abundant. They even have licensed therapists from an outside agency stationed at his school and they are free for the students to access anytime during their school day. They have helped my son and I connect to outside resources we didn’t know existed which also benefited my daughter.

There is help and hope out there. You aren’t alone in this. Reach out to us anytime and see if your doctor, parents, school, or friend can help you connect with a therapist or support system.

Deep breaths and know you aren’t alone.

😊Eileen

[Krazie]

Hi,Wowie! It is great to meet you! You are dealing with a lot, and I am glad that you are posting. It takes a lot of courage to talk about our feelings. Especially when you have parents who are dismissing your symptoms. There are others who have experienced the same as you. I am one of them.

Could you tell us a bit more about the symptoms you are having, as it relates to psychotic depression? Thanks for anything you want to share with us.

[Wowie132 in reply to Krazie]

Whenever my anxiety gets worse I always feel like Im being watched or that someone is in my house about to hurt me. It gets to the point where I lock myself in my room and hide under my blankets until i end up falling asleep. I always have this voice in the back of my head telling me someones watching or someone is out to get me but I can usually ignore it unless Im alone. Its difficult to deal with and I don't feel comfortable talking to friends about this part because I dont want them to think Im crazy or insane, joining an anonymous group makes it much easier to reach out.

[Krazie]

Thanks for sharing, Wowie. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to share what you are going through with family and friends. For one thing,it's hard for them to understand. For another, as you said, you don't want people to think you're crazy. Talking on here about it is safe and anonymous, as nobody knows your real name, or who are. I think it helps to talk about how we feel; helps to relieve the fear of what we are going through.

**WARNING May be a trigger for some WARNING**

A little bit about my psychotic depression. I have had depression and anxiety since childhood. But in my early 20's, it all became so much more severe. I couldn't sleep, I heard voices, (outside my head) that no one else could hear; heard funeral music that droned on and on; anything I looked at was distorted, as if looking through the wrong end of a telescope; people's speech was garbled, and not understandable. I was completely terrified, had no idea what was going on with me, but became convinced I had gone completely insane. I could feel people staring at me, but I don't think anyone realized the depth of what i was going through. And I wasn't going to tell them, because this was in the days of locking people up in insane asylums and giving shock treatments. People didn't talk about mental illness the way it's done nowadays. I knew I was on my own, and had to find a way to make it stop. To make a long story short, I almost succeeded. My organs started shutting down, was in critical condition, and nearly died. I didn't. I never told anyone about the psychosis; was put in a brand new day program, instead of being committed. I went to the hospital during the day, back home at night. My relatives told me there was nothing wrong with me, and made recovery nearly impossible. I moved a thousand miles away, and took my psychotic depression with me. It came in episodes. I began to realize that, as it came, it would also go away. Miserable, yes, but I learned to ignore the voices and the distortions to a degree. Al least, they weren't so scary. I wish I had spoken up, and told doctors about what I was dealing with. Life would have been so much easier if I had started medication, and therapy, sooner.

To this day, I have never talked about it, except on here.

I talk about it now, because it doesn't consume so much of my life. My teens and twenties were a huge mess, and it didn't have to be that way. But, I was able to overcome it to a great degree. I have also learned how to manage my life better, so that the symptoms have greatly decreased. I know the beginning signs, and what steps to take. Medication and therapy helped me to accept my condition, but not let it define me, or limit me in what I could do in life.

I hope that my story can be of benefit to others. Psychotic depression is such a scary condition, but there is hope, and lots of it. Reaching out and getting professional help is of utmost importance. It doesn't have to rule your life, nor destroy your life.