Potentially dangerous uncle

[Ri-hh]

Hey guys,I need some advice. This is kind of unrelated to anxiety or depression but if I don’t get this off my chest I’ll explode. It’s currently 1:39 am and I can’t sleep bc tommorow I’m traveling to visit my family, which I’m so excited about except for my uncle who scares me sometimes. I’m sure he has undiagnosed autism or aspergers (im from an arab family, mental health isn’t really discussed I don’t want to sound rude or insensitive because that’s not who I am at all, I’ve been really close to my uncle my whole life, but after my grandmother died, he’s become an angry and aggressive person, for the past month he’s been sending me mean, aggressive text messages, ever since I was young he would roam the halls and talk to himself, occasionally screaming, and finally, today my mom came in and warned me that if he ever said or did anything incredibly rude or even... sexual, to come tell her immediately. I kind of wish she didn’t warn me because now I’m even more scared. I don’t really know what to think or do, I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen. On the other hand, he’s family and I want to hope for the best but I just don’t know what to do, I have a little sister and brother to worry about as well.

[Hidden]

Can you stick by your mom the whole time? Or with another adult?

[Ri-hh in reply to Hidden]

Yes, but I’m staying at his house for a full week, I can’t keep a constant eye on both my brother and sister whilst staying with an adult the whole time, but thank you anyway x

[Hidden]

Hi Ri-hh, I’m sorry that you are being made t feel uncomfortable. Your mother is obviously aware that there is an issue with your uncle. He obviously sounds unwell. However, it is not fare for you and your siblings to be under unnecessary fear. Are you able to talk to your Mother about how the thought of visiting him is making you feel uncomfortable and frightened ? xxx

[Ri-hh in reply to Hidden]

Hi, I know my mom would be understanding but either way the situation is kind of unavoidable because he lives with my grandfather who is getting really old and we simply have to visit xxx thank you

[Hidden in reply to Ri-hh]

I understand .... Ri-hh, very difficult for you. Focus on keeping yourself safe. Stay close to your Mother and siblings. Wishing you all the best. x

[hypercat54]

Hi I would make sure you are never alone with him and stick with your other family members the whole time. If you do feel threatened then tell your mum straight away. x

[Ri-hh in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you xx I’m gonna try my best

[Boots14]

Hi Ri-hh, I'm sorry to revisit this if it has been resolved and you're ok, but it came up on another post and I really needed to ask if you are safe. I know that family dynamics can make it difficult to be assertive or remove yourself from uncomfortable situations, but I also think the fact your mother warned you in such an explicit way but didn't give you the option of not attending is worrying. That's not intended in a judgemental way, she may not have been able to avoid the event herself (let alone protect you), but there was obviously a concern there and no one seems to have addressed it to protect you all (or indeed care for your uncle). My message now isn't really about him, or the family event you mentioned, but to let you know that it's ok to protect yourself and say no. If you are ever uncomfortable, or worried, or even scared as you mentioned in your original post, you have every right to take yourself out of that environment and walk away. Your safety and emotional health is more important and more valid than politeness, manners or family pride. You also mentioned aggressive text messages-did you share them with anyone else? You didn't mention what they said, but if they scared you I hope you showed them to an adult and you no longer have to worry about them. I hope in the year since you posted this you've put yourself first and that you are safe and happy.