Monday Mood

[NotAGoodUsername]

I don't know if it's the rain outside or just the Monday blues, but I'm feeling very unmotivated. I've been feeling that way for a bit now. The other day I was thinking (probably a bad idea) and I kept feeling that my life was just one mistake after another, culminating in the position I'm in right now. The logical part of me says that I can change the direction I'm going, make things better. But there's another part of me that is just overwhelmed with the thought of trying to do that.

I am just feeling a bit lost. My marriage is a mess. My wife has major depression issues, so she sleeps all the time. I have my own depressive issues, but I can't lean on her. She can't handle her own issues most of the time, so she doesn't need mine. I do have a therapist and she's great, always willing to talk. Unfortunately if I went to therapy every time I needed to talk I would be broke. And my job right now is a contract job that could end anytime; when that happens therapy might be something I have to put on hold. At least until I get another job.

I've read a lot of posts on here, so I know my depression could be a lot worse. It does weigh heavy on me, though, and I often feel alone. Alone physically since my wife is usually asleep, and alone mentally as I don't have anyone really to connect to. I do have some friends, but none that I am close enough to really share life with. I need to find some of those.

Anyway, that's where I am today.

[Natsteveo]

Hi there

NotAGoodUsername

You are really struggling at the minute aren't you and obviously so is your wife too..have you thought of having couples therapy and then try and help eachother..it's not good to keep your feeling from eachother as you know depression is a tough journey alone..I've had the same as you for almost 20 years and it's horrible I know how you feel so does many others on here hopeful we can help eachother too

Here if you need a chat

Nat

[NotAGoodUsername in reply to Natsteveo]

Good morning. My wife and I are both in counseling, just not together. We went together at first but my wife did not like the direction it was going, so she decided to stop. I was actually doing well with that therapist, so I continued on. She has since started therapy again, with someone else. She was put on medication and it has helped with the emotional instability, but the overall depression seems to still be there, hence the sleeping. We do talk about it though and, from her, I usually just get a lot of "I'm sorry", with no real change. When I try to ask her how she's doing she mostly says she's okay. Kind of a functioning depression, I guess. She does work, but when she comes home it's usually straight to bed. I know that I cannot change her, that she has to decide to make the changes, and I'm hoping she will.

For me, I'm just trying to improve. I'm looking for a job since mine is only temporary as our office will be closing soon. I've also started going to the gym, but I've been having a hard time going consistently. I also am a bit introverted, so if there are a lot of people at the gym, I have a really hard time staying and working out. I did join a small board gaming group recently, so that's helped get me some social interaction. I consider them friends, but not good enough friends to really talk about life issues.

Anyway, thank you for listening. Hopefully today will be flow a little better.

[Debrash]

I have people in my life but find it difficult to respond

[NotAGoodUsername in reply to Debrash]

That's okay. You don't have to respond. Sometimes it's just nice to know there are people out there. The connection is nice to have.

[Lakewolf]

If you need to talk, you can talk to me.

Are you in the US?

[NotAGoodUsername in reply to Lakewolf]

I'm in the US as well. I'm okay at the moment, though. I went home and just tried to relax yesterday. Some mindless entertainment helped take my mind off things a little. How are you?

[Lakewolf in reply to NotAGoodUsername]

I was ok, but the anxiety is coming back.😡

[NotAGoodUsername in reply to Lakewolf]

I'm sorry to hear that (and also sorry it took me so long to get back with you). I can't claim to know what you're feeling, but I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[PapaDocs]

If therapy is not doable for now, would you consider going to a local church and talking to a pastor? Unlike what we read in the media, churches are actually a boon to many people. I have seen people turn around with the help of pastors and church volunteers who welcomed and loved them. Why don’t you give this option a try? In some churches they have members who are professional therapists and they volunteer their time to help and love people. I do hope that you will consider this idea.

[NotAGoodUsername in reply to PapaDocs]

Actually the first therapist my wife and I talked with was a church volunteer. They talked to us for a few weeks and then referred us to someone they knew for professional counselling. The person they referred to is the one I'm seeing now actually. So I'm not opposed to talking to someone at church.

Unfortunately right now I am not going to church. My wife won't go and I hate going by myself. I didn't like making excuses every week when people would constantly be asking me where my wife was. I have been thinking about it again, though. I just have a hard time fitting in anywhere. At the church I was going to before, when we were first married, we fit in great, had lots of friends -- at least surface-level ones. But then everyone else starting having kids and our friends stopped having time to hang out, especially since we didn't have any kids for their kids to play with.

It is a good idea, though.