why?

[shadow68]

how do you take a great ideal (in my mind) and stop yourself from following through on it? i'm very fearful of failure and when i start analyzing what might be said about my ideal or would i be laughed at until i finely just store it away as another failure. it could come from when my mom told me at 7yrs old that i was the biggest embarresment she had ever seen and it made her wanna crawl under a rock and never come out ( the last part i wished would've come true) just cause i kissed a boy. i was 7

[Hidden]

That is an awful thing to have your mom say to you! I say just go for it, then you can say ...hey at least I tried, remember winners never quit!!! I wish for you all the best. Have a beautiful day! Love & Hugs!!!

[gerg]

It is not what your mother said about you, it’s the story that you tell yourself about what your mother said about you.

The past is best used as data to help us learn things for today and tomorrow. It has only the power that we give it. The hard part is that once we give it power, it can become a core belief that is not easy to change.

Edit the story (that you are telling yourself) to serve you. Constantly ask “is it true”? Work on this until you stop telling yourself these falsehoods. Replace them with the truth and focus on your new/modified core belief.

I tell you this to let you know that there is a path to change. It is not simple (at least not for me), but it is worth every effort. I hope that you can feel better just knowing that you can change. I know how it feels when you don’t.

[shadow68 in reply to gerg]

yeah your right about that and im working on leaving the past behind. im up by 2am every morning and i hear a song that reminds me of something from my childhood and it feels good to have a place to vent

[gerg in reply to shadow68]

Venting is important. The act of telling someone what is going on, or writing it in a journal, lets us see things a little differently than how we believe them to be. Ask yourself “how is my view serving me” and decide if it is what you want. If it is not, change your view. How is your view of the past serving you? If it is not, then it makes sense to leave it behind.

[fauxartist]

You want to get even with that being said to you... find that idea that your really passionate about..... tell no one.... work it all out, put it down on paper, figure out all that you need to do and how to make that idea happen.... and free yourself from that fear of failure by trying ..... there is no failure in trying.... only if you stop trying... you find that one thing in life that your really good at, and enjoy doing.... do it... break the mould, only you can do that....and no one can stop you.... there is always a way. Be flexible, and flow with the process...learn from mistakes and keep going.

[Hidden]

I want to hear your idea.

[shadow68 in reply to Hidden]

it involves music dance drums and dancers and it could be pulled off if i had the courage to take that leap.

[Hidden in reply to shadow68]

What’s holding you back?

[Sttbngi]

Don’t give anyone the power to stop you. Imagine your 7 year old self in front of you today. What would you say??? I bet it would be something along the lines of don’t listen to her, don’t let her take your courage away and don’t let her words stop what you do. Now imagine if your 7 year old self met your adult self. What would 7 year old self say to you? I bet it would be.... you told me not to let her win.... we can do this. Don’t be afraid! Failure is never about trying something and not succeeding.... it’s about not trying it all. You can do whatever you put your mind to!!!!

[shadow68 in reply to Sttbngi]

yeah thanks

[happyshadows]

What Gerg is saying is right on the money. I would also add 2 things.... because I am the same way with my mom.

I say that you should think about the feeling you get from "succeeding" and forget about that! Think about the journey. I know it sounds so cliche. But when you focus on the end result, what you or someone else thinks about it then you take away from how you feel actually doing it. Then you are apt to be let down because of the preconceived ending.

The second thing that REALLY helped me a lot. Read about codependency. I recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. That was the first one I saw on Google after my life coach said I should read up on it. It was a hard read - not because it was difficult to understand or comprehend - but because I related to it so much. And I didn't even k ow what this was. (Mind you, codependency is most of the time dealing with alcoholic family members, but my mom was not an alcoholic and I still was extremely codependent on her opinions of me. So don't let that wording in some instances take away from what you read.) I found this book used online e for 3 or 4 bucks and it has saved my life. I o ly just learned this stuff a few more than ago and it turned my life upside down to say the least. Rethinking all the decisions I have made (rather, decided NOT to make) because of my mom's opinion of me or how I wanted her to see me. I think in your instance it could only help! I even did all the little workbook this game in the chapters and you can skip what doesn't resonate with you.

Your healing is on your own terms and your life is yours!! Don't forget that. Oh, and failure is a scary thing, no matter who we are, remember that just have fun trying things. You will not lose everything unless you want to. The universe has your back if you think positively.

Hope that helps. We'll get through this together!!

[gerg in reply to happyshadows]

I would much rather do something and fail, then to fail by doing nothing.

I see failure as a positive thing. It is truly how I learn. Sure I can learn from success, but I always learn from my unsuccessful attempts (failures).

[shadow68 in reply to gerg]

your right about taking that leap i just have to get past fear of failure

[gerg in reply to shadow68]

Rebrand failure as opportunity.

Opportunity to learn, opportunity to reach, opportunity to grow.

This is about much more than this one great idea, this is a change of perspective for everything. Find a view that serves you. Make the fear irrelevant. Move forward and honor your accomplishments.