Why??

[sad_watermelon]

This is the 3rd post that I am writing about the situation but I still don’t understand one thing.

Context: In may me and my first ever boyfriend (we met pretty late) decided that we won’t be happy if we continue the relationship. So we broke up. I was ok with this, because I was thinking about a breakup because of his bad behaviour. I grieved a lot thought. Anyways, he really wanted to stay friends and I wanted it too. But he moved on on the 5th day after the breakup, then one month later stated to ignore me… We saw each other 10 days ago to say goodbye, because I am moving abroad for my studies and he was acting like he was still my boyfriend! Hugs, kisses on the chick… it was strange for me. And then, a few days after, he didn’t even wish me luck when the moving process stared. He knows so well how afraid I was and still am, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t text me at all. It’s like I no longer exist after this goodbye.

A lot of people told me that he has made it clear that he doesn’t want me in his life and wants to move on. But I don’t understand why he would want to be friends then? I know him, he won’t do it just to not hurt me. And why was he so nice 10 days ago just to erase me from his life right after? Why??

I know that searching for answers isn’t the right thing to do and I just have to let go. But he made me finally see that I am worthy of being loved. I gave so much for this relationship, I broke myself so many times just to make things work and in the end that’s what I get? Moving on in 5 days, not a single tear, him saying “I am tiered of loving you”, ignorance and then attention when he is “in the mood”?? This makes me feel like I am nothing to anyone, like I have only me myself and I and nobody will love me, no body will like me, even when I love somebody with all my heart and he loves me back, the second he gets bored or it gets hard he will leave me!

Why is it like this? Why?

[Starrlight]

To me, it sounds like he wanted to be friends but now he wants closure and to go separate ways. And the last time you met up was the good-bye. I thought you had decided to move on. I do know it’s hard to let go; you can when you are ready. You are a great special person I am sure you will find love again.

[hypercat54]

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus......

[Arymretep]

Good luck on your studies abroad, you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you, make the most of it, and don’t think about what you are leaving behind , take care

[sad_watermelon in reply to Arymretep]

Thank you!

[Alpakka123]

I get this more than you know. The driving yourself crazy trying to make sense of it all. I think I'm (FINALLY!!!!) reaching the end of my journey to figure out what happened in my situation. It's been 2.5 years, so it better be the end! The conclusion I've come to is it makes no sense. The sad thing about this is that this was also the conclusion I had come to 2 years ago!! We like to make sense of what we experience, so when we have an experience that makes no sense, our brains go haywire trying to make sense of it. It truly is very insufferable for us.

I got people who would tell me to move on. It frustrated me sooooo much because I wanted SOOOO badly to do this. I began telling these people "look, I'm the one who wants this more than anything". Not only would I get frustrated, but I would get angry at myself. I would start asking myself "what is WRONG with me????? Am I just really stupid or something??????"

I know that the answers are " there is nothing wrong with me. And I'm not stupid". It's just taking me longer than I would like to get over.

Please be gentle with yourself. Remember my warning that it would annoy the Hell out of you? Well, congratulations and welcome to the world of wanting a brain transplant...

[Cookie2217]

Was he your first love? At the end of any relationship can be truly devastating for you. I've heard that it takes twice as long to get over someone than you were together. I don't know how long you were a couple but what I do know is that it hurts when it's over and the final goodbye doesn't mean that you still don't get to have feelings of loss from this relationship. My first love broke my heart in two and I almost went into the army to be close to him which was totally stupid because I didn't really want to be in the Army I just wanted to be close to where he was stationed. I would have definitely been a private Benjamin for sure more concerned about getting my hair done than being in boot camp LOL I hope that made you laugh. Anyway getting back to you I want to tell you that you need to be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself especially now and you are going through a lot of changes right now. You are not in this relationship anymore and you are moving abroad to study and are afraid to go too so you have a lot going on right now. I hope that when you get to your new place in life that it becomes a whole new environment that's both exciting and rewarding for you! Maybe you'll just meet the love of your life there you never know and never say never. Just so you know, I had a crush on this boy that lived in the development right behind me when I was 11 years old, he was 16 then and had no interest in me of course cuz I was too young and was only interested in writing his moped and having fun and being a kid, a teenager. I loved him the minute that I looked at him and guess what happened our lives went in different directions with me being engaged to someone else and him dating a girl for 4 years. Well we met up again after seeing each other out and about and we got married when I was 38 and he was 41. We have been married for 18 years this coming October 28, 2024, and we are now together overall for 20 years. My Paul is the absolute love of my life! I consider myself very lucky to have gotten to marry my crush from many years ago. I hope that my little story gives you a sense of hope for the future because there is somebody out there for you and it will come when you're not looking for it from out of nowhere. I was just about to give up on finding anyone someone to love. I thought that I would be by myself throughout my whole life being alone but the Lord above had different plans for me. I'm very, very happy. Wishing you the very best with your studies and with finding your one true love! He out there I know he is!

[Midori]

Often the term 'I want to stay friends' is just to stop the other person breaking down on the spot; in reality it is used to make the other person feel less 'dumped'.

I have been in that place, and I know it's really hurtful. Try to look forward to making friends in your new school.

Cheers, Midori

[Cookie2217]

Hi sad_watermelon. I'm not sure the real answer you have to ask him but it seems to me that he might have wanted to hurt you because maybe he felt hurt that you were leaving I'm not sure that's just my take on it. You are worthy you are enough and you will find the right person that you were supposed to be with to begin with you are only 21 and have your whole entire life ahead of you. I know it hurts right now and you're confused because you don't know why he did what he did but maybe you'll never know so sadly you do need to let this go in order for yourself to be happy. Please don't continue to turn this up as it will do nothing but make you sad. For instance my first boyfriend ever that I believe to be serious by First Love Shawn broke my heart into I met him at 16 and dated him till I was almost 18. He destroyed me in a sense when he broke up with me through his friend he didn't even have the politeness to call himself he had his best friend Dave do it so I called him back and he answered and I said what's the matter are your fingers broken LOL LOL. Nevertheless he shortly went into the National Guard afterwards and started sending me letters telling me that he missed me this and that and I considered getting back together with him. Meanwhile his sister told me that he touched her inappropriately while she was sleeping and her father sexually abused her which I knew the latter before. I never would have imagined Shawn doing something like that and it became a he said she said with him telling me she was a liar and her telling me that she was telling the truth so that totally baffled me and then I started to blame myself saying that maybe he did it because I couldn't give him enough which was absolutely stupid because it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. Needless to say that and for more reasons I became suicidal and tried to kill myself three times between the ages of 18 and 21. Please take my advice because I am no longer that way as I am 54 and happily married for 18 years and together with my first crush for 20. Anything can happen in life and it did to me because my husband Paul who I met when I was 11 years old who I had a mad crush on I am now married to and I am so very happy so take this as a learned lesson that you will find your true love trust me on that you will. I now tell my story to help others who are struggling because I want to help them if they have a problem like depression because I struggle with depression as well. I would like to help you see that even though this hurts you right now and it seems like it will never end it will I can promise you that for sure I've been there done that and have the T-shirt if you know what I mean. I went through the same thing but a little bit differently with my first true love but as I said before I am now married to the man that I laid side eyes on at 11 years old how many years later became my husband. Before we were together I almost had practically given up on love as I've been hurt several times however I hung in there and it was all worthwhile. Please keep us posted to how you're doing and have a wonderful trip going abroad to your studies. Wishing you wellness, peace and that your true love will make himself known sooner rather than later for you. Smile you're worth it.

[CLB1125]

you are two different kinds of people. You are the serious type. You have a kind heart and gave it all to him. He on the other hand is in it for the fun. He’s not serious about a relationship with you or anyone right now. Try and put it all behind you and look to the future. When the time is right you will meet someone who will be more like you. You are young , enjoy your life!!