Fighting w Spouse

[Desiree_shaw]

Every time my spouse and I get into conflict, no matter how big or small, my anxiety goes into overdrive. Anyone else have this problem? It makes me feel as if I just need to live life alone and all of my issues will be solved but I know that’s not the case. I also let myself get extremely angry and closed. I just don’t know what to do anymore? I’m tired of being anxious about a problem in our relationship.

[Hidden]

Well... I am no longer in a relationship, but I do tend to get into conflicts with my mom & cannot physically take it. I get all upset & start having panic attacks. It's very normal when you're already depressed & anxious anyways. I would recommend being open with him. Maybe try meditating or calming music. That's what I have to do in order to calm down. Take some time by yourself. Have a bubble bath. Go for a walk or run. Whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. This website works wonders for anxiety as well. We are all here for you, girl. <3

[Desiree_shaw in reply to Hidden]

I will try walking and running. I love being outside. I feel so at peace outside. I bet it will help. I just let my emotions and anger get the best of me sometimes. Thank you for the advice

[Hidden in reply to Desiree_shaw]

Yes a long walk in the drizzling rain helps me always.

[Hidden]

I did years ago with an ex, but in that case as soon as he started I started trembling then hyperventilating every time I don't know at first why this was happening but then I realised I was anticipating him lifting his hands to me even though he never had,but he through things around he did eventually start belting me ,I had never argued with someone that got so angry before I met him ,before he hit me I think I was terrified he was going to but stood my ground,he collapsed my lung with just kicking me in the back the drs hadn't ever had that before they never believed me at first I explained his legs were weapons as he was a footballer ,my mother gave them hell and so did the nurses.I'm not saying that's what's going on with you only explaining that it happened to me and how so.have you had an anxiety problem for a while?by the way ,some of those self help nerves books are brilliant.

[Desiree_shaw in reply to Hidden]

I will definitely check out some of the books!! I’m glad you got out of that relationship. You are so strong

[perkofawallflower]

last weekend, I got into an argument with my boyfriend. I told him I forgave him but I really didn’t. It caused my anxiety to be extremely high so I was irritable and really short with him all weekend. I was ruminating about the issue over and over and I couldn’t stop talking to him about it. Now I realize that the whole issue was me trying to control how he should have dealt with a situation. I felt he was wrong and I was right so it made me very anxious. I was so mad that he wouldn’t do it like I did. I realized I need to let go of what I can’t control and accept my boyfriend for who he is. I can only control my actions and feelings. Now when I get upset with him, I tell him I need to walk away, I listen to music or an audiobook, go for a walk. Positive affirmations help too, deep breathing. For me I tend to have conflicts because I can’t see the other persons viewpoint and I misinterpret their intentions behind what they did. So now I am working on being compassionate and more understanding and I seek clarification from him. Stepping away and doing something for yourself to clear your mind is a great tool. Hope that helps

[kassies1]

You are not alone. I go through the same thing. I of course, think the same. Maybe I would be better off alone. But would I be happier? Probably not. I try to run away from everything. My anxiety is really heightened because of a health issue and then to fight with my husband brings it to a point that I have symptoms I cannot shake.

I have not dealt with anxiety in the past, so trying to understand my physical and emotional reactions to stressors is hard to deal with. I have an appointment with a doctor soon to see about some help. Anxiety is not fun and it can be quite crippling. It is a good thing that you shared, because you can receive support and understanding in this forum. Take it day by day.

[AZ1970]

What runs through your head, even if its for a second? Is there a common theme? For example, "he's going to hate me", "I messed up again", or "he doesn't really love me". I know my biggest fear is of being abandoned. So that is where my brain goes, even when it isn't rational. That fuels my anxiety. I withdraw and clam up. I am afraid of saying something wrong that will give him an excuse to leave me. I know it doesn't make sense, but my brain feels it does.

[Ironj]

Hi Desiree

People with anxiety don’t like confrontations . Believe me your husband knows how to bring you down to feel less then human. Your a very pretty lady and can find any guy you want and don’t just settled. Bad relationships don’t get better they progressively get worse over time. Think hard do you want to live a life of misery or happiness. Best wishes John

[Hidden]

Do not fight with him. Do not feed the anxiety. Walk away, say a prayer, try not to fight at all with him. He is your husband and as such, God says the two shall become one. It makes sense that arguing with him causes you much agitation. Avoid it, at all cost. Even if he yells, maintain your peace. You may not agree with him on the subject of the argument and you can softly say that and that you do not want to nor feel the need to argue. It does not resolve anything. Will be praying for you. God’s blessings.