So, here I am again. Dizzy, anxious because I’m dizzy, which in turn probably makes me even more dizzy. I have been doing fairly well, I haven’t taken an Ativan in 8 days, I’ve been working on riding out my anxiety attacks/dizzy spells without medically stopping them. But then my uncle passed away on Monday, unexpectedly. We still don’t know why and my aunt opted out of having an autopsy done, so we will never know.
This sent my health anxiety into a downward spiral. My uncle saw his doctor TWO DAYS before he died because he wasn’t feeling well, now he’s gone. Of course I am devastated, but because of my mental illness, I am also scared shitless that the doctors are gonna miss something and I too will die. I have been dizzy every day for the last 3 weeks. This dizziness/feeling like I’m gonna pass out is new. I’ve had anxiety for years and never had this. So it must be something real, not anxiety fabricated, right? Like that’s how my brain sees it.
I am fighting the urge to go to the hospital, I’ve been twice for this dizziness and each time they tell me nothing is wrong. They don’t know what the lightheadedness is, but it’s not emergent according to them. Though they’ve never done an MRI or CT, so I don’t get how they can say that, but who knows.
I don’t want to go to the hospital, but this anxiety spiral I’m in right at this moment is telling me to RUNNNN to the hospital if I want to live. :(( IDK what to do. :(( Do I go, or do I stay? I wish these attacks of lightheadedness and dizziness would stop. Like I hate feeling like I am going to pass out, or like someone is shaking my brain.
Ugh, anxiety sucks. Sadness and the death of loved ones sucks. Mental illness in general sucks.