Struggling part 2

[Lyn842]

Here I am again. Just don't know what to do anymore. The other day I was in a real bad way and was taking pills to sleep. I feel really hopeless cause I'm stuck. I'm here at my summer camper, far away from my home state where I could voluntarily go into the hospital where I would be safe from myself. This morning my husband was so frustrated with me and my mood. He has dealt with my illness for so long and I feel really bad for him. He would be better off without me. That's when the pills really call to me. I can't get help where I am now cause insurance won't pay here. I'm here till October.I don't feel like doing anything. I hate feeling like this. I haven't been this bad in quite awhile. I don't want to see anyone cause I don't feel like I can fake that I'm ok. I'm here to see my daughter and grandkids but I can't be with them while I'm like this. My daughter doesn't understand my depression. I have no reason to be this bad. I am scared. I have my God to turn to and I just pray that if I do something to myself that I will be forgiven. I know there's nothing any of you can do for me except listen to me rant. I know you understand and I thank you for that. Don't know what else to say or do. Sweet sleep....block it all away but I'm trying hard to not give in.

[fauxartist]

you sound like your very much in crisis....and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, you have to get help for you....any loved one would understand that. If you have insurance back home that will cover you going into an in patent care because your in fear of self harm....then do it. Don't take a chance you will not be able to stop yourself...if your feeling that out of control of your actions...then check in. please....

[Lyn842 in reply to fauxartist]

Back home is 7 states away. Cant be hosp up here where I am.

[Hidden]

Please go to a hospital and get admitted to a psych program. You are a harm to yourself. This is an urgent situation as you are not thinking clearly and may do something impulsively.

[AZ1970]

Lyn, can you go to the emergency room? Perhaps you need to go back home and into the hospital for a while. You can always return. You are not safe. You sound like you know yourself well enough to know what you need. I commend you for that. Don't make any decisions that will be to your detriment. I know your daughter and grandkids needs you. Hubby does too.

[b1b1b1]

You can go home, even if it is seven states away. Do you have family members you are close to in your home state? They may be able to help you as well. Otherwise, do go to the emergency room where you are.

[HisDaughter]

Dear Lyn842, I understand how you feel and I am very sorry that you are suffering so much! Is it possible for you to listen to Christian music or sermons? Is it possible to take walks outside? I know it’s very hard to do things, but I hope that God gives you strength. You matter a lot and I hope that you seek help when you feel suicidal. Keep in mind that you are a person who matters a lot. I hope that God blesses you a lot!

[Hidden]

Hi Struggling, please know you are not alone in feeling this way. I feel sorry for my husband too because of my issues. You don’t intentionally do things to upset others, it honestly can’t be helped, then you feel bad for it. I’m more than familiar with that pattern. You say you have no reason to feel this bad...listen, no one chooses this for themselves. I have turned to pills as well, so do not be ashamed of that either...sometimes we just don’t know how to cope. Just know you are not judged here and it is helpful to hear there are others in your same boat. I will be happy to listen and be supportive. Try to hang in there. Take care.