New and struggling

[talljelly]

I'm new to this sort of forum. I was diagnosed with GAD and depression about 10-15 years ago. I take 40mg Prozac daily and that seems to help. Periodically, I still have severe anxiety attacks. I basically just grit my teeth and try not to make any rash decision during the minutes/hours that I am facing the attack. Those I seem to be able to handle because they aren't that frequent (usually) or longer than a day.

The thing I've never been able to really conquer is the effects of the chronic underlying less-intense anxiety and depression that erodes the quality of interactions with other people. That anxiety and depression is not acute. I don't really even notice it because I'm used to it. But, my wife tells me that I'm always rude. I'm always short with people. I'm always afraid I will lose my job. Always anxious about...everything. Just enough to make me on edge and high strung constantly. It doesn't track with my external circumstances very much (i.e., usually everything is really fine around me but I'm still stressing big time). I don't sleep well. Don't focus well. I have to make a very intentional effort to just get my mood to appear "flat" in order to keep friends so I don't look like I'm unhappy.

I use a lot of CBT which helps with acute stuff but not so much the less intense feelings. I listen to soft music alone for a few minutes to try to "meditate" (I can't seem to meditate which I've heard is helpful - my mind doesn't stop). I've tried therapy which doesn't seem helpful. I don't like taking more meds (like trazadone to sleep).

I'm not really sure what to do. I don't want to be a whiner and my PCP seems to think I'm some kind of hypochondriac so I don't really want to ask him. Is this normal or should I be asking for more meds? I'm hoping just chatting with others on a forum like this will help. I never really talk to anybody about it and some of the problem is probably that I've become isolated and let my imaginations get carried away rather than just being "in the moment". I try to exercise and eat healthy (with varying degrees of success). I seem to have manic moments when I wonder if I'm bipolar but it certainly doesn't happen that often.

I have three graduate degrees and am not unfamiliar with research. I have looked and looked to try to "understand" my way out of this but, unlike anything I've ever studied before, no matter how much I understand about these feelings, I can't seem to make them get better or at least stop deteriorating my interactions with other people.

Sorry, that was a long intro. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for but I hope I can learn from others who are better at manning these conditions or at least gain a better perspective of my situation.

[b1b1b1]

Have you tried talk therapy (as opposed to cbt). Ongoing therapy can help with depression and relationships with other people.

[talljelly in reply to b1b1b1]

I have a d it doesn’t seem to help much. I e given it a few tries. Maybe it’s time to try again.

[jkl5500]

Anxiety and depression are so self-absorbing that we can't handle as much of the outside world as other people. It's just overloads your brain. When you're preoccupied with this or that worry, you're going to have a very short fuse. It can't be helped.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist for this, or are you relying on your GP for treatment? I strongly recommend a psychiatrist. It doesn't hurt to try relaxation techniques on your own, but you need a specialist who knows the finer points of these conditions. Use your GP when you have the flu.

[talljelly in reply to jkl5500]

Unfortunately I have kaiser and don’t have access to a psych anymore.

[jkl5500]

I'm not familiar with Kaiser, but it seems odd that a health care plan wouldn't include behavioral care. I think most GP's see depression and anxiety the same way they see a problem with teeth - they really don't want to deal with it. That stuff is for the specialists. But if you're stuck with your GP, don't be afraid to tell him that what you're doing isn't working. His opinion of you is not important. After all, you're hiring him!

[talljelly in reply to jkl5500]

Good point. I guess I should press the issue with him.

[Lostjoy]

Hi talljelly, I totally understand about insurance not covering mental health. I have the same issue. I finally just quit trying to get help from my gp. It was costing me a fortune and the meds weren’t working. Plus she just looked at me like what I’m going through was all made up in my head. Which I guess it kind of is, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Plus I felt like a burden to her. I never knew the mind could cause so many physical issues as well.

With time, self help books, and reading everything I can find on mental health I can actually say I’m not as bad as those first couple of months when this first hit me. I couldn’t function. I guess I just learned to control it better, and not freak out over having it.

I see you’ve been suffering a long time. I’m glad you’ve found this outlet. There’s lots of good advice from all kinds of people from all over the world here. Sometimes I’ll just read through the posts without writing anything. I’ve found lots of helpful websites posted by other users of the forum.

I hope you continue to use this site to your benefit. And I wish peace and wellness for you.