Waking up every morning with anxiety

[vanessi]

Hello everybody. I posted before explaining why i am here and that my ex broke up with me cos the age difference. I'm having a really bad and dark time where i feel hopeless and without future, i don't wanna feel like that but i can't help it.

I struggle every morning cos i wake up and i start having anxiety that stops me sleeping more. It is just a really bad feeling inside of me. Then i get sentimental and i cry desperately. I know all this is caused cos the breaking up and i already know what i have to do and move on, i don't know if you understand me but every day is a battle that i don't know if i will win.

My life depends just on me but then the memories are brought back and there is where all starts. I can't live like this. I see everything in black and i don't see any positive on this.

i'm very very sad right now!

[Agora1]

vanessi, it's too soon. Healing from emotional hurt takes time. And I know how deep the wound is for you. You will move on when you're ready. When someone makes such an impact on our lives, you can't just switch the on button to "off". If it were that easy than you would question if it were really love that you were feeling.

You are young, you are beautiful and your whole life is ahead of you. As much as that means nothing to you right now, someday you will realize it is true and not see it as black and doom.

The positive thing in this is that we learn from life. We learn from our experiences, we grow through our experience in life. There is always a reason in everything that happens to us.

As you heal, you will begin to see what that reason was. We are here for you. We care xx

[vanessi in reply to Agora1]

Hello, thank you for your words, i know and i'm suffering so much for all this, i said before on my last posts, i would love to change this situation but i can't force someone to love me nor be with me. It is really hard cos he keeps texting me and calling me but our conversations are pointless, we don't have any important conversation and i feel we are just two strangers.

Even if he texts me i'm so hurt and i don't live with happiness, just with so much anxiety. It is a really tough time for me and i don't have any hope for the next year.

i don't know how long it is gonna take to feel ok. And i don't have any answer to all my questions. I feel guilty cos i think what i did and when i failed. I remember and see all this in the last past of weeks and i was just really happy and counting the days to see him again, and now all this is gone.

It has been a really sad day today, i feel i'm losing all my battles.

[Agora1 in reply to vanessi]

You are absolutely right in that we can't force someone to love us. It's got to be a 2 way street. If he wanted it to end, I find it pointless that he keeps texting and calling you. Maybe he is not that sure of his decision. Just be careful and protect yourself. Your emotions are real and not meant to be played with.

I'm sorry you're so sad. xx

[vanessi in reply to Agora1]

I don't know if he is sure or not, but every time we talked we says he knows we would be so happy together but he says he can't or he doesn't really know. When he says that my heart breaks cos i love him and i would like to have him with me, but when i realise i have lost everything with him i start feeling so anxious and really bad.

I'm sorry but today it's been a really bad day, one of the worst days since this nightmare started and i don't know what to do, what to think, where to go, i just feel so lost in the world and i feel i'm losing every battle

[Agora1 in reply to vanessi]

vanessi, he sounds confused. If he thinks you two would be happy together but then says he can't or doesn't know what to do then it sounds like there is another issue that has nothing to do with you but him.

If it's meant to be, you will have to wait it out I'm afraid. You can only control how you react to the situation and not in how he is handling it.

[vanessi in reply to Agora1]

i'm very consiuous of that, i know i can't control what is he doing or thinking, i just can help myself and i understand that, but i also don't know how to cheer myself up, i feel i'm in a dark place and i can't see any exit. Memories are killing me cos i remember them with nostalgy and not with happiness, sometimes i blame myself and ask myself what i did wrong, where is started failing in my relationship but as i said, it was something that took me by surprised and i don't know how to handle this

[Sry85]

I'm going through the exact same thing. Breakups are so hard and it feels like it's the end. Everyday I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. It's hard to get up everyday. I too know what I need to do, but it's just not easy. Only thing I can tell you is that it will get better. I'm sure you've moved on in the past from previous breakups, so this one won't be any different. You deserve better! Take care😊

[Hidden]

Vanessi you did nothing wrong. It's not your faul he does not know what he wants. Its not you, its him. I don't think it's fare that he keeps texting you after braking up with you only to have you confused and even more depressed. I know it's hard but as long as you keep an open lone of communication with him you won't begin to heal. Maybe you can try not responding to his messages or calls for a couple of days. Give yourself some time to heal and recover a little. Also by doing this you give him time to think about what he wants but I don't think it is right that he keeps calling and texting I feel like he is dragging you along for nothing. It's like he doesn't want to be with you but does not want you to move on, that's not right. You are young and pretty and you don't deserve this. You need to try your best to get up and get out and enjoy yourself, it's hard but try, do things to distract your mind. And you might benefit from speaking with a therapist.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Hello, Thank you for words, i think you are right he doesn't know what he wants but i can't just sit here and wait for him cos it is hurting me so much. He ruined everything and i'm really disappointed of him. I think he is not the man i thought he was. And to be honest with you i have no intention to keep communicating cos it is pointless.

I'm acttually gonna block him and close my social media cos i don't wanna see posts of him or our friends in common. He still has to send me some stuff i left at home but i told him i will tell him when i want them. Maybe when it doesn't hurt so much like now.

Now, talking about me today was a better day than yesterday but i struggle every morning and i start crying and being anxious. I'm taking it slowly. My family support me and some friends too. I am seeing a psychologist early in January and hopefully get a job

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Your pain is normal, embrace it don't resist it. Eventually it will hurt less and less. I think blocking him for now is a good thing. You can not heal if you have constant contact with him. I also think it's great that you are seeing a psychologist he/she will help you learn better coping methods. If you are not doing anything at the moment finding a job or maybe a class of some sort will help you take your mind of him and your sadness. Some people just donot show their true colors when you are in a relationship that's why sometimes you have to be careful. For an older man he seems immature. I think you are the more mature one and you are taking the appropriate steps to better your life and mental health.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, i am trying so hard.

[Orangesocks33-]

Vanessa how long did it take to get over him

[Hidden]

Im sorry Vanessi ☹️ a break up is so awful! But!!! This feeling will pass one day you’ll find you won’t think about it for an hour then that’ll turn into a day then a week. You’ll slowly learn to live without your ex and wont think about it anymore x

Happiness will come back but you just need to allow yourself to ‘grieve’ the relationship... keep yourself distracted and busy and hopefully that should help this awful time go by quicker x

[RedBird09]

Hi Van, I have dealt with Anxiety for 25+yrs now. I have Severe Anxiety. For the past year I have been going the same thing also I wake up in full-blown Anxiety attack. I take medication, Actually 5 medication for mine and I'm still having them. Im here for you to talk too. I've been on and off here for quite sometime. Then I go into seclusion. But don't you this, Your way to young and Beautiful. I never thought a Heart 💔 would affect me as it has you. I took it one moment at a time, And Thank God I'm still here. I have been some dark places. If you stay on here and check out the different sites I think would help you I Hope so. You will have the support you need anytime Day or Night. I will keep you in my Prayers 🙏💞💖 and message me if you need to talk vent dream whatever it takes to make you feel just a little happier. Baby Steps. Wish you well. Jeanette.