I haven’t wrote nothing for a very long time. I had a tremendous experience since last year. I tried to help myself, I read a lot, analyse with different techniques and tried to get out the hidden pain from inside my soul. I do meditate sometimes, I finally can watch a movie, but unfortunately in a crisis I still hang my head on a rope next to my door. I was found few times and in some situations I get like I wasn’t myself. Few weeks ago, I decided to take my life again with all serenity and calmness that I had, weighted the situation and the others; but again it wasn’t my last day here. Sometimes it feels like not even death wants me, like I’m a piece of garbage and everyone keeps trow me away.
I realised in a final moment that If I can’t go, I need to paddle and learn how to find the coordinates to my real way. All this I can’t do it by myself, I understood that I need some help and in that moment I acted as I supposed to, few hundred days ago. I finally asked for support and found a therapist from my country, with who I do online therapy. I’m happy and scared in the same time. I’m fearless and timid. I feel like dreaming and I am sceptical. What’s going to be? I don’t know. Surely not worse than I was.