A Wave of sunshine: I haven’t wrote... - Anxiety and Depre...

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A Wave of sunshine

deea21
deea21

I haven’t wrote nothing for a very long time. I had a tremendous experience since last year. I tried to help myself, I read a lot, analyse with different techniques and tried to get out the hidden pain from inside my soul. I do meditate sometimes, I finally can watch a movie, but unfortunately in a crisis I still hang my head on a rope next to my door. I was found few times and in some situations I get like I wasn’t myself. Few weeks ago, I decided to take my life again with all serenity and calmness that I had, weighted the situation and the others; but again it wasn’t my last day here. Sometimes it feels like not even death wants me, like I’m a piece of garbage and everyone keeps trow me away.

I realised in a final moment that If I can’t go, I need to paddle and learn how to find the coordinates to my real way. All this I can’t do it by myself, I understood that I need some help and in that moment I acted as I supposed to, few hundred days ago. I finally asked for support and found a therapist from my country, with who I do online therapy. I’m happy and scared in the same time. I’m fearless and timid. I feel like dreaming and I am sceptical. What’s going to be? I don’t know. Surely not worse than I was.

11 Replies
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Hey!

I'm not going to say that i know what it feels like to be in that situation because i really don't. but i know one thing for sure that if you've decided to change something and there is people supporting you and helping you to take care of yourself and start loving yourself, you'll soon be fine and learn to be yourself. I wish that everything works out for you and you can get out of this never ending hole and see the brightness of the world that awaits for you.

Thank you very much. I know I will not become another person with all this therapy, but at least to see with the same eyes a different idea of life. Hopefully I will get there. I don’t have support unfortunately, but I found a person who I can pay to help me. For the moment it’s good. Thank you again. I just wanted to share my experience and the fact that I didn’t wanted to go back to a doctor, all the fighting within myself, I’ve said I will try again.

I’m so sorry you have endured all that. I tried to take my life last year and felt the same way “not even death wants me.” I can’t say I am much better. I think about that a lot. But I am too scared to try it again. And I know it would kill my family. I’m sure you have people who love and want you here. That should give you something to keep fighting for. Try and do something little everyday. I think we feel pressured all the time to make this big change in our lives but it’s a hard expectation. It only gives us more anxiety thinking about where we should be in life and why are we fighting this mental illness battle? All we can do is start with little things, not be so hard on ourselves, be more gentle with our thoughts and just do what we can to make it through another day. You’re not alone. It’s great that you decided to write on here. We can all support each other :) Lots of hugs 🤗

deea21
deea21
in reply to MariaLove123

To many people who suffer with depression and anxiety, to many life’s experiences which want an end, to many expectations. I am blessed that I found this app, it did helped me a lot in the past. I wrote here and it made the pain be more easier to Take through. I’m happy you feel scared, that’s the normal way a typical human being should be. We were made to love live, not to want to end it. That’s the problem. I hope I will get slowly there with little steps . Thank you 🙏 for you support. 🤗

Just want to say hello 🙋🏻‍♂️

Hello to you Alan.

Hidden
Hidden

I’m also at a loss for words as to what you’ve been through. I’ve attempted suicide once & failed, but thought of doing it millions of times as well. It sucks, doesn’t it? Thinking that way that you stated. That death doesn’t even want you. That’s really dark, & very very sad. I hope things get better for you. You deserve to live this beautiful life & get everything you want from it. My heart goes out to you during this time. I don’t have much advice to offer, as I am going through the same thing - but I want to offer my support. You have a friend in me if you need one. I hope things look up with the therapist & I am glad you’re still here. <3

deea21
deea21
in reply to Hidden

Thank you my little mermaid. You think advice count mostly, but it’s not true. It’s just to see that you have someone there with you, a shoulder. A true friend to listen, that we need so bad this days. We all have different lives and individuals experiences, but we all miss real people in our lives. Thank you for your beautiful words. It made me cry. Happy tears.🙏❤️

I’m sorry you had to pass through all this. I don’t wish not even my worst enemy this pain. It can be worse than a disease. I wish you can recover and find your way.

deea is a fighter she may have felt she had reasons to end it all but her reasons to keep fighting out weighed the former.im sure her light will shine again with the right support and many of us on here.

deea21
deea21
in reply to kenster1

Always so grateful to have you Kenny in my life. 🙏🤗

greatful for your support deea21 just hope your ok and winning the battle.

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