Losing my mind

[Rosalia1]

Im in pain low back and neck I enjoyed myself taking care of my sick husband my stepson is moving away to Washington with the kids my Beautiful grandkids I’m going to miss him so much hurts!!!! My husband passed away their dad two years ago and their mom just passed away from liver failure drinking and drugs I can’t handle much more I gonna miss them so much I have no drive no desire to do anything depressed all the time and dealing with things Anxiety and have my 16 year old Daughter to take care of why is life so hard? I feel like I’m in twilight zone Nothing seems real I feel like my 25 years my husband is a blur can’t even remember him really I don’t know why I’m on all kinds of medications sleeping pills and Anxiety pills Blood pressure pills stomach ulcer pills just want to call it a day Don’t wanna live anymore that’s how I feel sometimes

[Imakook]

Hi Rosalia,

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of these traumatic situations. Losing loved ones can cause feelings, awareness or reactions to be delayed.

I took care of my sick husband years ago. He had colon cancer and was sick for a very long time.

I did get better eventually, but I am an alcoholic, raised by alcoholics, and I quit drinking.

Unfortunately it took many years for me to realize that I needed more help than just AA or

Al-Anon. I needed help for many mental issues. Plus I also had a young daughter at the time.

Maybe you could try therapy or a grief group (if you haven't already). For instance, it has taken me 26 years to start truly grieving the loss of my late husband. I just started doing that very recently, but I only figured it out while working with a therapist & talking about it to people I trust.

I do trust this forum. Awesome people!

Please hang in there, just do the next necessary thing & take it one day at a time (or one hour if need be).

We do love you & care about you because we've been there and truly understand!

[Rosalia1 in reply to Imakook]

Awwww you brought to tears love u too and god bless your

Your a strong lady I feel so alone and now I reached and and see that I’m not !

I too was drinking for many many years to dumb it ALL!

I stoped 2 months ago and I thank GoD I need don’t wanna go back to it I’m gonna call a new therapist tomorrow It hasn’t helped tho in the past but I’ll try again

[Rosalia1]

Thank u and I’m sorry my husband had cancer too lukimia ALL

Sorry for your loss

[Imakook in reply to Rosalia1]

You, too Rosalia.

It's not unusual that a big part of your problem is how emotional & full of fear we are in early sobriety. AA meetings are pretty critical, which is why I started going to a meeting right away. I've been sober 25 years now & still go to meetings!

The great thing about them is you can pick someone that has the qualities you would like & ask them to be your sponsor. I was pretty poor when I sobered up & AA is free, so I went (because that is what the successful & happy ones did.

I remember I was only a couple of months sober & was pretty much feeling like you are. I called my sponsor (her name was Muriel) and I was panicking & crying & scared to death because I didn't know how to handle these feelings. Muriel laughed at me and said, "You're EXACTLY where you are supposed to be at this point." She LAUGHED at me!!!

I don't know if this helps, but welcome to our forum & welcome to sobriety! Take care.

Colleen

[fauxartist]

I am so very sorry for your loss...and sometimes when we haven't completely processed grief...which takes time...we get stuck. And if you have depression on top of that, it's very hard to do this on your own. Have you gotten any therapy to help you through the grief process, or read any books on the subject; Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. There are groups at various clinics that offer group sessions on dealing with death and loss, and learning to let go. We never forget our loved ones we lose, but sometimes when the loss is so great we almost have to blur it out as you say for self preservation.

I would first of all explain to your daughter who probably has her own grief and loss she is trying to deal with, that your going to look into getting some kind of help to process this, and that she too can hopefully benefit from it. We forget sometimes death effects everyone when we are so caught up in our grief...and if we don't acknowledge everyone's grief too, they may feel isolated or not want to talk about it because your already grieving so much, they don't want to add to it. But with both of you getting help, it could be a very healing and bonding experience for you both.