Facing the fear

[hunter4ransom]

I’ve been with this group a few weeks now and I can’t thank all of you enough for the support, encouragement, understanding, coping skill ideas, and hope you have graciously given to me.

I’m much stronger and feeling better than I did 3 weeks ago. My Zoloft is finally kicking in and therapy has helped as well.

I finally realized what triggered me so harshly and I’m trying to find a new way live which is still stress and anxiety causing. I didn’t realize how dependent on child support I was. I blindly lived my life, supported my kids, and lived on very tight budget as a low income single mom. My son turned 18 and his child support ended in June. This was rough but made me realize my daughter’s will end next June. I panicked. My child support is more income than my full time job as a Paraeducator. This is the first month I’ve had to struggle to put gas in my car, put off oil change, not grab needed items from grocery store, and be able to help my kids by giving them a little allowance money so they can get what they need while in school. It sucks and I’m scared!

Some days I’m hyper motivated and apply for part time jobs to supplement my income and other days I feel so defeated that sit home depressed and anxiety ridden on how it will only get worse next year. How will I pay bills and provide for a disabled son (so far, denied SSD benefits) and daughter in college?

Facing my fear is a daily struggle. One thing I know for sure is that I will not remain stuck here forever. Life is about change and this is my time to make big moves and positive changes. I just don’t know where or how to start, but I’ll find my way eventually.

Thanks for letting me get that out.

Love to all of you!

—Eileen

[Lyn842]

Hi Eileen. I have never been in your shoes. I can only imagine what its like. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. She/he will be able to give you guidance. Do your kids have p/t jobs to help out at least with their own needs. I know my 2 granddaughters are putting themselves thru college cause my daughter and husband have no money. They get scholarships, Grant money and work 2 p/t jobs during the summer. They will have large student loans to pay but there's nothing else they can do. They're very responsible girls. I hope things improve. Remember, one day at a time is all you can do. Hugs