I am new here. Just over the past month I had to take leave from my job due to anxiety and depression, especially social phobia. I was unable to interact with any of my coworkers. Does anyone here have such an extreme problem of not feeling you can work due to anxiety and social phobia? I am hoping to meet some people that I can talk to as I spend most of my days home alone by myself. Please help.
Unable to work: I am new here. Just... - Anxiety and Depre...
Unable to work
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Callie1518
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Callie,
I also struggle with working due anxiety and depression. I have not always been like this it all really started in March and I have missed 26 days of work since then. Most of the time I'd rather not leave my house but I keep trying because that is what everyone says I need to do and I really do want to get better but somedays it is so hard and all I can do is cry it seems like.
Thank you for your reply. I am glad that you keep trying to work. I wish I was able to do that you are so fortunate to have a place to go. Keep trying, let me know how you are doing.
How are you today Callie? I'm having a bit of a rough one and did not make it to work again today. My wife is at work so I'm home alone wishing this would all stop and I could get back to who I used to be. She has been so supportive during all of this but I think she is starting to get really frustrated. She keeps telling me that if I'm this anxious at home that I might as well go to work and be this anxious. She means well but just cant understand the pure panic and terror I feel somedays.
I am sorry that you are having a bad day. It is great that you still have a job. Once I left mine I felt I was on a slippery slope to getting worse. Seems being home feels like a safe place to be. I hope your day goes OK for you. I do hope that you can get back to how it used to be for you. I know its tough to force yourself to work but from this perspective it is better to have a job. Let me know how your day goes today.
This one is hard. I'm sorry that your anxiety is so bad you aren't able to work at this time. Sometimes we have to push ourselves to do hard things, but other times, we need to be able to give ourselves a break and respect what our brains need. Maybe you need a break now but will be able to deal better at another time? Have you done any therapy lately regarding the worsening social anxiety? That might be a good next step. Take a deep breath, you can get through this one breath at a time.
Yes, have done therapy but everyday it seems to get worse. I wish I could get better but everyday brings the desire to just sleep it away. I can get to the gym but then the whole day looms ahead. Thank you for your encouraging words. I need to come to this place and hear the encouragement and that others go through the same things I do.
Hi Callie I left work 4 years ago after creating 10 years of experience and moving up the latter. I was dealing with depression and anxiety but NOTHING like the way I am dealing with it now. I don’t know how I let 4 years go by without really trying to go back to work. But I know I’m doing very bad because I don’t have a routine. It’s only getting worse. I wish I could go back knowing how much working was important. It’s hard to really dive back into job searching and going on interviews, but my advice would be to do it now before years go by and you’re sitting on the couch day after day shaking, overthinking, crying, etc. I really wish you the best and feel free to reach out anytime!
Thank you for your post. The social phobia keeps me away from job searching. I am sorry so many years have gone by for you. I am afraid that will be happening to me. My husband travels and I am here five days a week alone. I have started just sleeping most of the time. Seems the Dr. and therapist have no answers. I wish the best for you too. It would be nice to keep in touch and help the days go by knowing someone else is there.
I have the same fears and phobias. And I don’t know why. I always ask myself “what am I so afraid of if I go run to the store or go on interviews?” It’s just a “feeling” you know? Like today, I canceled again with my psychiatrist. Why? I don’t know. I just don’t want to leave the house. How are you doing today? What’s on your mind?
Today I had to run out to let a friend's dog out. Then I came home and slept until 11. All I feel like doing is sleeping. My husband travels and is home today so I managed to get a shower before he came home. He is worried about me, where the real me has gone, so he tries to take me out of the house each time he comes home. Besides my sister who will go to the gym with me, they are the only contacts that I have. Yesterday I took a whole antianxiety pill and fell asleep at 7 because he was not here. What about you? What will you do today?
You should really be proud of yourself for getting out. Even doing one or two things a day is huge! I haven’t done anything yet. I’m feeling a little anxiety and kind of tired. Mental illness does a number to the body. It’s also really good that you have your sister to go to the gym with. Sometimes I do stretching and it loosens things up. I want to do so much more but my energy is low and my body freezes into anxiety when I think about doing anything. You have a good support system between your husband and family. My fiancé worries about me too. He tries to push me but I wind up crying or freaking out when he suggests taking me out. Same with my family. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me. Why is it hard for anyone? We live in fear and it’s just not fair.
Love reading this post and these replies and knowing I'm not alone.. I quit both my jobs about a month ago for pretty much the same reasons. My depression makes it so hard to just be me, like I don't have the energy to be my personality on the outside, and forming sentences is really difficult to. The stress and anxiety from that was just too much, and I was overeating like crazy and having all these problems from that, so I decided the best thing for me right now is to get to a safe place and heal for a while. I know I made the right choice, so I'm sure you did to. Taking a break from life is sometimes the best thing you can do I think.
If you EVER need anyone to talk to, message me. We can't seem to support ourselves, so maybe we'll be better at supporting each other?
Mirai, It is comforting to know that you have gone through what I am going through. I too an unable to form the sentences to say to people. I sometimes think some of the meds just make it worse. I am glad you are in a place where you feel you can heal. I hope you can heal during this time. Yes, it would be nice to talk. I spend most of my days completely alone except for my two dogs. Thank you for your response. I will keep in touch.
I think supporting each other is a great idea. I’m reading comments here and it looks like everyone has this phobia of going out. That has to say something about our society in general you know? So many people these days are depressed, anxious, scared, trapped and hopeless. I always sit home and wonder if I’m the only one who doesn’t work or leave the house. It’s such a lonely feeling. I wish I could take all of us and rent a big house and we can be there for each other! I wish I had advice to help others. But obviously that’s hard when you have the same problems. What’s going on with you today? How are you? I’m sitting around watching The Office as usual
I have dreams like that too! You're so right, it feels like the majority of people in our society just aren't friendly or empathetic. I'm constantly wishing that all the nice people I meet on the internet and the few nice people I meet in real life could all pick a small town somewhere to move to. Life would be so much better if everyone was looking out for the people around them! About having advice for others - I think what's even more helpful is just the emotional support. For me at least. My family is always trying to give me advice but they never want to just listen..
Not too much is going on with me today, I'm thinking I'll play some Animal Crossing. The next life thing I have isn't till Thursday, I'm going to my first therapy session! I think that'll go well. The therapist is supposed to be this friendly old man who lives in a cute little house on the rural side of town. I'm doing pretty good though honestly, I've been improving a lot the past few days!
The Office is the best. Everyone says that lol but it's true. The ending made me cry so much
Good for you going to this new therapist! I feel so excited for you! Just open up and let everything out. He’s there to listen. So talk as much as you want!
Omg I love that you think of those things too. I always tell my fiancé that I want to find a small country town where everyone knows each other and is there for each other. Everyone hangs outside on their decks and you’re never alone. We should set up a website for people to join and help set up this town lol.
About your family not listening, doesn’t mean they’re not trying. People love to talk more than listen and you need to let them know how much you need that. It’s nice that they want to express their opinions and advice but sometimes we just need an ear! I totally understand that!
Let me know how therapy goes! Good luck!!
Thanks for this 
I'll let you know how therapy goes. I hope he's a good match for me!
YES. That would be amazing. There honestly has to be a way to do this, I'm sure there's lots of people who feel the same way as us.
I might try and talk to them, idk. They don't really know how to handle my whole situation, but I don't blame them. I had no idea what depression was like until I had it.
Hope you have a great day, I'm glad we could chat a bit!
How long have you had depression? Definitely keep opening up to them and others. I actually pushed myself to run an errand. It was honestly because of talking on here. It’s just so dam hot out! Good luck at therapy! Talk to you later 
I've had it for 2 years. I actually find it really hard to open up to my family, they're not people that I feel comfortable sharing my struggles and fears with (that sounds so sad lol). That's awesome that you got yourself to go out and do something! I envy your courage haha. I know everyone is suffering from the heat but tbh, I love it. I don't have to be in it all day though so that's probably part of it. Love bathing in the sunlight for a little while.
How did therapy go yesterday??
It's not till tomorrow! I've been thinking about it constantly and honestly I just want it to happen sooner so that I can get it off my mind. Lol it's literally the only thing in my schedule for forever
I totally understand that feeling. I get anxious whenever I have an appointment scheduled. I sit around and think about it constantly. Do you like to read or write? Maybe there’s something you can do to keep your mind busy. I should take my own advice!
Haha yes I like to read and write. I'm really bad at doing both those things in the state I'm in right now though. I have lots of tv to watch and games to play though! And I'll listen to tons of podcasts. Those three things have been a godsend for my mental health, I think if I didn't have them to occupy my mind I'd go crazy.
Same here! I watch a ton of tv. It keeps my mind busy. I’m just not into going out for walks or hanging at a park. I am an indoor cat lol
Ah yeah going outside is definitely not an option haha. The idea of one of my neighbors even seeing me is terrifying. What do you like to watch?
How are you doing? I’ve been having so much anxiety lately. You don’t like going outside either? I literally never leave my house. It’s so bad.
I'm doing okay. The last 5 ish days have been awful though, super heavy depression. Also I have this really weird sensation where it feels like the right side of my brain is working harder than my left and it drives me nuts. I haven't left my house in maybe a month. Honestly don't stress it. You gotta start small, leaving the house is huge and you'll never get there if you're only focusing on that and missing all the things you need to do in between. Is that what's giving you anxiety?
Wow we are in the same boat. It’s nice to know you’re not alone. I don’t know why so many of us suffer like this! It’s maddening! I would say the past week has been awful too. I haven’t left the house, I lay around, I started this new thing where I scratch my head almost like cutting. I don’t get it. It came out of nowhere. I just pick until it bleeds. I’ve never done something like this before. What the f? I wish I could magically make us better. I can’t give advice because I can’t even listen to the advice anyone gives me. I can’t “push” myself, blah blah blah. That’s all I hear and obviously I can’t just do it. I just hate the anxiety so much. It freezes you, you know? Ugh I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too. It breaks my heart that you and others are feeling this way. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy!
Ahh it really sucks! It's the worst thing. I hope our society figures out how to help more people in the future. Are you scratching the skin off of your scalp? I tend to do that when I'm really anxious. And bite the inside of my cheeks. And scratch the skin right below my finger nails until it bleeds. Lol anxiety makes us do weird and gross things. What's your average day like? Do you eat healthy, keep the house clean, do anything productive? If you don't do those things, here's something you could try starting - just pick one tiny thing. Like making your bed. Something that you don't do because of the anxiety. And decide to do it, but don't think about doing it or when or how, just do it. Don't let yourself think about it. That's worked for me when I've had to do things that I really didn't want to, I just let the action of doing it get in front of the thought of doing it. And then reward yourself, feel good for the accomplishment, don't do any other productive things for the rest of the day. And try doing that again the next day. Do this for like two or three weeks, just this one small thing. And you'll know when you're ready to add another. [If what I described is literally what people have told you when they say to 'push yourself' then you can completely disregard all of that lol]
Either way, it's okay. It's okay that you're struggling with anxiety. You're not any less of a person for it. It definitely freezes you, that's a good way of putting it. I'm glad we can all be there for each other on this website at least! The positivity here is amazing.
Wow THANK YOU! That advice is quite amazing. I really like it. I’m going to start that today. My average day is waking up late, watching the office for hours and I’ll either empty the dishwasher or do some laundry. I guess I do “something “ little everyday. But I need to recognize that and like you said, reward myself and feel good that I accomplished something. I keep the house pretty clean. Not myself as much lol. Yeah I pick off the skin. I definitely bite my cheeks too! I’ve done that for years. Omg it gets so bad! I heard about the nail thing. I tend to pick around the nail. Ugh. I’m sorry you go through that. We need one of those stress balls! I think I really might order one. You should too! Oh I totally am awful with eating healthy. I used to cook and bake but I hardly even care if I eat or not. I don’t eat during the day. We’ll usually order something for dinner or have grilled cheese lol. So bad! What about you? And do you find it really helps to do something little everyday? I know you said your family doesn’t always listen. What do they say about you not leaving the house? I can’t remember. Are you married? Mine is always worried and tries to push me but they feel helpless. I feel guilty about it. But I have to keep fighting to be happy.
Hey I’m not sure if I told you about TMS and things I ordered. I got the approval from my insurance to proceed with TMS Treatment today. I’m really looking forward to it. And I got that necklace with the beads where you drop essential oil into them. I am using inner peace. I also got Lumiday. So I’m trying different things. I’m going to meet my dad tomorrow for our canoe trip on the Delaware River this weekend. I haven’t been out of the house so I’m a little nervous but he’s so excited. I don’t want to cancel and let him down. I’m going to push myself. How are you doing?
I've never heard of TMS. Have you tried medication already? That's great that you're trying things! A really big step in the right direction honestly. Don't get discouraged if something you try doesn't work. That's all part of the process. Even when something doesn't work, you usually come away from it knowing a bit more about your body/mind and how they react to things, which makes you better at finding things to try, and you gradually get closer to the right one. I'm excited to hear you're pushing yourself! Canoeing can be really fun, I bet you'll have a good time. I'm doing okay. The last few days were awful again. I felt like I was going insane. Today's been alright though and I'm hopeful for tomorrow! I think I ate some rancid nuts earlier though and that's been worrying me.
About your last comment - sorry I didn't reply. On my bad days I don't have the motivation or energy to talk to anyone. I'm really happy the advice was helpful . Your average day sounds a lot like mine. Lol I never shower when I'm depressed, my hair gets so gross. It's bad. Honestly stress balls kinda bother me, for some reason I don't like the sensation of not being able to squeeze it in all the way (if that makes sense). I'll still buy one though if it's cute! On good days I try and eat healthy and it makes a huge difference. On bad days I binge hard on trash food. Eating right was one of the hardest things for me to do and it wasn't until I got on medication that I could do it. It definitely helps to do something little every day. The more you do it, the better you get at making decisions for yourself that you don't want to do but that you know will help you. I'm not married and I live with my parents. They don't say anything about me never leaving the house which is really nice. I've pretty much avoided them entirely since I got depressed 2 years ago. It sucks, I love them and I know they love me but I just can't talk to them when I'm like this for some reason. My family is just like your spouse, they want to help so bad but they have no idea how. Are they supportive?
Let me know how the TMS treatment goes and the necklace and the Lumiday (what is that?).
Ok this is weird. I feel that way about stress balls too. I like to do it a certain way as well. That’s so funny! Omg I have tried so many medications since I was 14. I’m 36 now. Nothing seems to work. Ugh, the showering thing...I feel so gross but I just don’t care and what the heck am I getting dressed up for anyway? I guess we could look at it like we’re doing it for ourselves. It’s just challenging.
Don’t ever apologize or feel bad for not writing back soon enough. When I’m really bad, you won’t hear from me for days. No one will. I go into a major funk.
And I understand when you don’t want to talk to family. I just don’t have the energy and I hate worrying them. I know they’ll hear it in my voice or I’ll just start crying. It’s okay. You just take that time for yourself.
Your advice helped me. I did a few little things yesterday and today. You’re right. You feel a sense of accomplishment. I was happy to receive the necklace, the Lumiday and the news about my TMS approval. It made me have a decent day.
Lumiday is a supplement with lots of vitamins. If you go to the site, you get a free sample of 15 days I think. My new thing is researching the reviews on all sites for these things and everyone had good things to say about Lumiday. Can I ask what medication you’re on? I know they work differently for everyone but I just really want to know. I have to try something new!
What’s going on with the nuts you ate? Why is that worrying you?
Canoeing should be fun but holy sh*t I haven’t even been outside my house in weeks. It’s a two hour drive. I’m definitely nervous as time gets closer. It’s 8:00pm and tomorrow is going to come fast! I have to leave at 1:00pm to meet my dad and go up to the motel.
Ah life. It’s so fun right? 🙄 LOL
Hugs 🤗
Hey the trip went great. Don’t worry about reading or responding if you’re not up to it. I had a nice time on the river. Nature is so curing. And I talked to my dad about things since we never are alone to do that. He told me his parents actually had depression and he has it too. But he keeps busy and I think he handles it differently since it’s a different generation.
So I made a to do list for today so I could keep my uplift from the weekend going but I took a bad fall upstairs this morning and another bad one downstairs. It made every good feeling go out the door. It’s amazing how little things can do that to us. Anything little sets me off. So I’m having some anxiety and don’t feel up to doing anything on my list. It feels childish but my way of thinking is “just when I get hopeful the devil sneaks up.”
Hope you’re doing okay. Tell me about your weekend when you want. Oh I got approved for the TMS. Insurance is covering it 100%. I’ve also been wearing that oil diffuser necklace and taking Lumiday. And I got a stress ball!!! Remember we were talking about that? I’ve noticed picking my scalp has subsided a little. I keep the ball on my lap and squeeze it a lot.
Talk soon! Hugs 🤗
Hey I haven’t heard from you. I’m just checking in to make sure you’re okay!
Hey, it's been a while (10 days?? Felt way shorter). Things haven't been great.. well, sort of. I feel like I'm getting better bit by bit but even still, I didn't feel like myself at all since I last talked to you. An awful ten days. That's so great that the canoeing trip went well!! Those kind's of things always seem so daunting beforehand I feel like. I totally know what you mean, that your dad handles his depression differently because they're from a different generation. My grandma had depression and the way my dad talks about, its like nobody really had any clue what was going on.
The little things - this happens to me allll the time. You fell? Like onto the ground? Are you okay? Your way of thinking is totally relatable too. How have you been doing since you sent this?
It's really nice knowing someone else is thinking about you and your well-being, so thank you for that I'm really grateful. I'd tell you about my weekend but I wouldn't have anything to say lol. Thank god for insurance! When is it scheduled for? Noticing anything with the necklace and the Lumiday? Haha yes!! What does it look like? Is it cute? That's great that you pick your scalp less. A small victory! Big victories are just a lot of little victories bunched together I think.
Anyways. I'm sorry if I worried you not replying for this long. I saw your messages every time. I hope all is well and I look forward to hearing from you again!
Talk to ya on email 😊
Hi Callie!
I read all of the posts here and the responses. The only thing sticked to my brain: you are so luck to be here!
I honestly think that here you will be able to meet generous people with whom you will be able to battle your anxieties and phobia. I believe that you can talk it over here as many times as you need and you want. And get those wonderful ideas and advices from people that care! They really do care and they are willing to help you, as we all participate in this great battle against the horrible pain.
I wish you the best here.
And welcome!
Justyna
Thank you for your encouragement. It is nice to hear comments from people who suffer the way I do and just keep somehow plowing through. Thank you for your kindness and your response.
I am the same way, Callie. I am a registered nurse who worked at the same hospital for 5 years. I ended up having a trauma happen to me, & right before I really lost it mentally - I would travel 30 minutes to my job everyday & when I pulled up, I couldn’t get out of the car. I just couldn’t. I would call in saying I’m sick or something. Which is true. I finally went to the doctor & he put me on a short term medical leave. That was back in March & I am still on it. I was in a trauma center for 90 days, but I was set to go back to work on June the 18th. Well, I still didn’t go. My doctor has me off until September 9th now, & I am already anxious thinking there’s no way I am ready for that. I’m not sure if something specific caused your anxiety, or if something happened... but I am thinking of you & can relate more than you know. We can get through this girl. <3
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is helpful to come here and read of others who suffer the same anxiety and depression as I do and to see I am not alone. I did have a trauma that did set off the anxiety. The perpetrator is getting out of prison soon so that's why it's worsened. I hope that you can get well it seems like a long road sometimes. Yes, I hope we can both get through this! What do you do with your days off work to keep busy? I run out of ideas most days. Are you able to go out on your own?
• in reply toCallie1518
You’re more than welcome. We are absolutely all together in this. I can relate to the fact that the person who caused your trauma is getting out of prison soon. My ex boyfriend hurt me & he’s now released from jail too. He’s been stalking me lately & sending me mean messages. He actually pushed me out of a moving vehicle while I was 15 weeks pregnant & I lost our baby. I haven’t seen him since, but he’s now with one of my ex best friends & continues to harass me. I’m living with my mom now, & she tries to take me out somewhat. We go out to dinner & I have joined a support group with women for trauma & PTSD. I go on Tuesday & Thursday’s. I’ve recently made some new friends since going to the meeting & went shopping this past Saturday. It was my first time out without my mom. It was really overwhelming at first, but I managed to make it through. I have panic attacks at night time, & I have very bad nightmares too. I just try to read, listen to music, meditate & chill out. I love to swim too, get it? Mermaid? Haha. I just try everything really. This site has helped me tremendously. It really has. I hope you’re feeling better by being here too. I’m always open to talking. I’m a great friend & always up to listen to you.
I find just talking to people here makes my day go well. I am so sorry to hear of your terrible trauma. That is so great that you have your Mom to take you out. Does what you learn at the support group help? There is one near me but it is in a bad part of town and I haven't gone. You seem to have a lot to keep you busy. I can see why it is so hard to go out when you are being harassed
I spend nights alone that what has set off such anxiety. It is so great you got out with some friends. I hope one day I can be with my friends again. Keep in touch!
• in reply toCallie1518
Of course I will. I’ve only went to one meeting, but they have been so supportive so far. I’m in therapy too. It’s with a guy though & I am kind of terrified of men right now. I know, I shouldn’t be. I know there’s good men out here trying to help, but I am uneasy around them. I hope things get better for you. Try to breathe & relax your mind. I like to journal, take bubble baths, listen to happy music, or meditate. That’s just a few things I do to help myself or I would be having panic attacks every single second of the day. I’m here if you ever need to vent & yes, let’s keep in touch!
I understand fully how you're feeling but be encouraged. Your social phobia is indeed very much part of your anxiety and depression. I want you to know that this will pass but it takes a while. Your serotonin levels need to be increased to a normal level, but the process is a deliberately slow one, but nonetheless, they do eventually reach to the required level where you will feel normal again and comfortable interacting.
Know that there will be peaks and valleys and sometimes you'll be doing great for a long period of time and suddenly enter a valley. But it's important to know that the frequency between such episodes is becoming significantly longer which is a sure sign of healing. Be encouraged, this too SHALL pass. God Bless
Thank you so much for your reply and for the information and encouragement. I just started an ssri so hopefully it will get better. Its hard to be home alone I get my tasks done then there's nothing more to do. I know so many people here are also socially isolated. I can still go out to a few places as long as I don't have to carry on a conversation. I am losing contact with friends. I hope I can make the best of things until things get better.
Hi Callie you are not alone. I suffer from anxiety depression and ADHD. Just recently my anxiety has gotten so bad that I can't get off the couch. When I think of doing things I start getting nervous . I have started shaking and having tremors and when I think of trying to find a job and filling out an application it overwhelms me. You are not alone and I to am home because I don't feel like I can work. Hang in there. I'm here whenever you want to talk ok. I've been dealing with this for a very long time.
My husband is gone five days a week and I spend the time socially isolated. It would be nice to have someone to talk to on those days because they cause me alot of anxiety and depression. Would it be OK to message you?
I have a job and it is easy (for me) and pays well, however something in me prevents me from going to work. The system or organization for which I work does not recognize me and does not care for me as an individual. It just wants to use my skill set to attain it's own goal. A goal that this organization is not willing to share with me as it feels I am not worth anything more than it's contempt. I feel that a body which is faceless and souless is pushing me to work for it's own selfish needs and is willing to extract from my body all abilities before it dumps me like a dried out carcass left to rot in the sun.
When I re-read (pardon my English) the above paragraph it gives the impression of someone with mediocre abilities ranting away at the injustice of being excluded from a body of intellectually superior beings. I beg to understand what makes one human more than another? The very fact that there are a bunch of superior beings who feel empowered to extract the (limited) abilities from my body for a greater (mostly profitable) purpose makes them a bunch of disgusting self satisfied, glorified parasites flourishing on the talent, imagination and aspirations of millions of individuals like me.
I too cannot seem to focus at work even took a 2 month leave
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