Anxiety/PTSD/Generally wanting to feel normal

[Esc1222]

I have always been an anxious person, but about 5 years ago, some things occurred with my parents being murdered that apparently caused PTSD and my anxiety to worsen. I lost my job of 13 years 3 months before my father died and my stepmother of 26 years was shot and killed by her grandson 89 days after my father died of a "fall". I have not been depressed in a while but the anxiety and other symptoms (feeling as if I'm watching life but not in it and a lack of a grasp on time-when things occurred compared to when I think they did) have gotten better but not completely. I have not found a full time job, but I do temp work and have no trouble at work usually other than if anxiety kicks in. If I have meds to take (xanax or clonipin) then I feel quite normal. Some days I feel okay with no meds. I also have ADD,but typically can stay focused at work without meds. At home, it's a different story. I can't get much done and want to just lay around. Usually I drive at least an hour or more one way to work and by the time I get home I am exhausted. They have tried Gabapetin for my anxiety but it did not work and made me feel drunk. They want to get me off of the anti anxiety meds (which I would love-but it scares me). I have tried different antidepressants, but none help with the anxiety. It's not always panic attacks. Sometimes it's just cold sweats or my hands are very shaky or I just don't feel normal, Sometimes I can't sleep.

I am so so much better than I was, but the thought of not having meds to help is very scary to me. I've been on them for a long time. My doses have been cut in half but my doctor wants to get me completely off of them. He wants to try Trintellix. I realize I do have PTSD, but the anxiety I had before.

I've also tried CBD oil and it did not help at all (maybe I didnt try the right kind?). I am not a drinker at all and only take meds prescribed to me.

I realize xanax, clonazepam and others in that family are highly addictive and I do not want any doctor getting in trouble for prescribing them to me. I do not doctor hop and use the same one always. I guess I don't understand taking meds that help away when I've never been one to call early or call for extra meds.

I would love to wake up and feel like I used to and not have these issues with anxiety.

I'm just at a loss. I'm open to any suggestions.

[Esc1222]

Oh. To add to that, the anxiety is debilitating most of the time if I am not medicated. Also, money is typically an issue due to not having a permanent job and having a 7 year old to support. The shaky hands is an issue because at work I sometimes have to give injections in the mouth. I hate being shaky while doing that though I can clean teeth all day and not feel shaky. I just want to feel better.

[Lyn842 in reply to Esc1222]

Wow! So very sorry for what you have gone thru. You have every reason to have anxiety. Did you have counseling after for the ptsd? Do you feel you're still grieving? Does the Dr know how you feel about going off your meds? With your symptoms I would think a low dose of something would be fine. I have been on clonazepam for years and I don't feel I am addicted. I take them only at night to help me sleep. I have also taken them on an as needed dose, plus night. I am not familiar with the med he wants you to try. You could do it his way and see what happens but let him know if your symptoms get worse. There's so many meds out there. I know cause I've been on many of them cause I have been told I am "treatment resistant" so mine are always changing. I wish you the best. If you have faith in your Dr., try it his way. Recently when my Dr wanted me to try a diff med and I read about the side affects I became petrified of one of the affects. I shared that with him and he reassured me I would be fine, I trusted him thru my fear and I am fine. He's been my Dr for 10 yrs so he knows me well.