To Go or Not to go? Could this end u... - Anxiety and Depre...

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To Go or Not to go? Could this end up a positive “lab experiment” for me?

MrZee profile image

Greetings all,

Hubby and I have been sent an invitation for a party-get together at the end of this month. The event is in “Marin.” In the Calif SF Bay Area, Marin is the upscale section where the well-to-do financially mostly stuck-up crowd live. We live across the bay in a lower middle class community.

I’ve met Hubby’s work partner who invited us. She’s a nice woman. The thing is I find the Marin Crowd (who’s mainly invited to this soirée) will be superficial. That is they talk about their recent $ investments, fancy cars, expensive vacations and are in my opinion... shallow.

My initial reaction is “F—- that noise. I don’t want to be around a stuck up rich and clicky crowd.” So hubby was nice and said, “you don’t have to go.” Of course I instantly felt guilty: “Damned if I go. Damned if I don’t go.”

But then my mind got to thinking: Hey I can make the best of this and turn it into a ‘Lab Experiment.’” I can go.

When I’m approached by someone there, as you know, there’s name introductions, and then the first question they always ask is, “So what do you do?” (Meaning job or successes in life). Instead of giving a BS shallow answer I’d like to say, “Well, I had a great job working in a college art department and just got laid off, which hurts. 24/7 I’m quite challenged with depression and I suffer from social anxiety.” I’m sure whoever the stuck up person who receives my answer will do an about face and walk away. But really, why should I give a f—-? I won’t be seeing this person again. Nor would I want to be friends with someone like that.

So if I do choose to go to this soirée, I want to bring the truth with me and see how it goes. Most likely a lot of the superficial folks that will be there deal with depression themselves.

There’s power in telling the truth and being honest.

What do others think? I welcome your feedback.



51 Replies

You sound more stuck up than them.. Ridiculing them for being different than you.

If you think you aren't good enough for them, then don't go.

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to

Meet someone from Marin then reply back. I’d be curious to know what you have to say then.

P.S. I sense your listening and empathy skills need work.

in reply to MrZee

I'd have nothing to say, they live the way they want to and have their own interests and lifestyles, it's nobodies business but theirs.

Do they ridicule you?

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to

As a matter of fact they do. We live in a nice middle class town. All we have to do is say where we live and get eye rolls in return. But when I’m around the well-to-do, I’m kind in return. I don’t give off nonverbal negative gestures like they do.

If you do go, try to stay open minded. I don’t know anything about these people but maybe one of them will surprise you.

And I would also be interested to know their response if you choose to be honest with them. I feel like there isn’t enough openness around mental illness. For instance if you break your leg people will try to help or at least feel sorry for you, but if it’s a mental illness they often just go really quiet.

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to Plummy93

Thank you Plummy93. If I go I will be courteous. I just want to be my honest self and not be superficial or dishonest. And perhaps I may be setting a positive precedent on being honest and open on mental health. I agree, there needs to be more openness about that in mainstream society.



Plummy93 profile image
Plummy93 in reply to MrZee

Hope you have a good time if you decide to go 🙂

Yay MrZee, I'd say go for it! You could turn something that could be so boring into a laugh! Personally I wouldn't go too much into the A/D especially as some people can be totally ignorant about it but as long as you won't let them get you down! You never know you might find a fair bit of empathy. Plus you can play it any way you want!

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to Xene

Thank you Xene. Your reply made my day 😊. That’s just what I needed to hear. Hugs to you.

Hey MrZee great mindet shift to make it a postitive Lab Experiment experience! l\Good luck tonight, enjoy the time with your hubby & let me know how the experience goes!

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to huskyowner234

Thank you for the great response, huskyowner234. The party actually is the end of the month. But of course I’ll keep people posted.



I have taken to telling people “I am waiting to die” when they ask me what I do. I get a mixed response. Sometimes they laugh other times they just call me a jerk. I dont care what people think of me.

littleorange8 profile image
littleorange8 in reply to

omg you are hilarious!! i wish i had your sense of humour 😂 (ps i hope that was humor)

in reply to littleorange8

Yes humor lol.

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to

Actually I think that’s clever. Especially if someone who’s very accomplished asks the question. I’m sure the look on their face would be priceless when receiving your response.

Hi MrZee!

To be honest with you and myself, my answer is “no” I wouldn’t go. I get the idea of broadening your horizons, but you will most likely have a myriad of symptoms/feelings while there, or I would. I’m afraid I don’t have the patience or inclination that I should to be around the upper class right now! I can’t even afford to buy my much-needed insulin right now without health insurance. What would I ever have in common with them? I hope you have fun that night no matter what you choose to do!

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to

Thank you GratitudeFirst for your introspective answer.

I still haven’t made up my mind. But you hit the nail on the head with “upper class”. Frankly they bore me. Even if they have endless material wealth to brag about, I’d rather be around my own kind... those of us who are honest about our mental health and exuberate empathy for one another.

Much appreciation,


Noooooo ... Don't bring any truth with you. Bring your appetite and hope they catered good food. Try to wear something you really like, look at yourself in the mirror and just love you for going. Try to make one new friend. The more you like yourself, the more you like others. What do you do? -"I'm a creative and always looking for inspiration. Ive been working in academia and am looking for my next opportunity but I want it to be something I will really enjoy. I'm also curious about how creative personalities like me do as entrepreneurs - how I could be starting my own arts business at home. What do you think?"

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to IChoose

IChoose, that is absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much. It’s a way I can go by being an equal without being superficial.

You made my day.



IChoose profile image
IChoose in reply to MrZee

And u just made mine!

in reply to IChoose

Your take on the reasons to attend the soirée are just so mind-altering and fresh! Very good advice! So good, that I have changed my! Looks like my “lack of” has gotten the better of me. Yes, you’re right and I apologize MrZee, for my pessimistic response! Life is looking a little brighter this lovely morning ❤️❤️

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to

Hi GratitideFirst,

Thanks for the apology, but it’s not necessary. You were just expressing care. IChoose gave us both a great answer we both can greatly benefit from.



in reply to MrZee

Agreed! 👊🏻

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to


Money and material goods don’t equal class.

I applaud your ambition to be open about mental health.

I hope you go and find that people are just people however much they earn

I sure hope that if you went..everything was good for you!! You have a great attitude! Keep it up!! Joy for you! XXX

Thank you Strongheart for your honest posting. My apologies if I offended. I do know there’s good people in Marin and everywhere else. It’s more of my recent experience that I’ve been through... we’ve had several invites to Marin and it hasn’t been positive for me. It’s mostly hubby’s friends from work that are well off financially that just sit and brag while I just keep quiet, listen and feel depressed.

But you’re right. There are good people in Marin.

I appreciate your honesty. It’s growth for me.




You sound like someone that would be fun to share a good laugh with. I sincerely mean that as a compliment. I appreciate your positivity.




I recently posted you an apology for my words about Marin.

But good for you and your well deserved accomplishments.

Admittedly I do judge at times. Sometimes I need a kick in the ass to get me out of that frame of mind. Thank you for that. It shows that you care.



Thanks Strongheart,

Hubby and I were at a dinner party and someone asked us where we live. I answered “across the Bay in Richmond.” Other than someone negatively sarcastically saying, “how can you live in such a place?” The whole room went silent. After that hubby and I were practically ignored. It terribly hurt.

But you’re right, they’re probably hurting in their own way.

Thank you for your giving me a positive spin on Marin especially with those you associate with there that are generous to others.

Your honesty and constructive criticism is healing. Very much so.



Thanks Strongheart. Good to know you live not so far away. You have a friend and a shoulder here. Your caring is appreciated.


"Did someone say weird sense of humor"? (comes on stage and pauses for studio applause)

You got nothing on me girl. 😊

I totally get what you’re saying. Really I do.

On the other hand I grow so tired and frustrated when I’m asked where I live and tell them “Richmond;” only to get an eye roll or negative “why would you live there?”

Still I can handle that well and say, “for the cultural diversity.”

Sad though that the city I live in gets such bad rap on the Bay Area news and amongst the populous. But it is what it is.

Gee thanks for the great words. Yes, the Richmond Bridge is quite a scenic crossing. Plus the view of Mt. Tam is absolutely gorgeous. Years ago When I was younger I actually hiked the mountain with a “friend.” The triumph of reaching the top and the view is breathtaking.

Yes, it’s grown ridiculously expensive to live here. Hubby for the most part supports me because of my job layoff and it being hard for me to find a job at my age. So we’re on a shoestring budget.

Still for as beautiful as the Bay Area is, it’s still quite remarkable living here.

Years ago I moved up here from LA. I don’t miss the Land of Superficiality one bit. The Bay Area is my home.

On another note, have you ever hiked/walked in Marin/Tennessee Valley? It is absolutely beautiful there.

Im not going to take sides but I do want to say from personal experience that being truthful about my past has given people the strength and will power to make changes. The People that go through their entire lives and never change are weak people and possibly stuck up or egotistical.

The people that stand up, notice their flaws and make the change are the people who are strong who I look up to and are strong.

God bless all of you

You had me at "Monty Python".

Not too many girls like them. Kind of like The Three Stooges, Rush and Jimi Hendrix.

"Freaks"? I have seen that a long time ago. What about "Eraserhead"? That was a strange one..

I LOVE Andy Kaufman. When he played Ladka on Taxi he was flawless. His comedy was totally off the wall, but quite unique in its own enjoyable way.

Monty Python is hilarious. So is Benny Hill and Are You Being Served?

What about the Airplane movies or Slingblade?

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to Marshall64

Oh gawd, Airplane! has got to be one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen. It is such a brilliant comedy. I watch it over and over and always laugh. My favorite scenes are with Ethel Merman and Barbara Billingsly... “she’s gonna rebound on the meds side.”

The secret trails are the best. At 60 my hiking days are long over. But at my age the level trails remain quite welcome. Yes, the Bay Area is an abundance of natural beauty.

Like you I laugh at how absurd things are sometimes.

Well fellow Transplantee, mosquitos look at me and yell: “Buffet!” We get them too at sundown. Ghastly little critters. That’s why we also don’t let our kitties out. Otherwise they’d bring in fleas. Those little thangs are doubly annoying!

“And don’t call me Shirley!”

in reply to MrZee

The police academy series was funny.

Do you remember “Bizarre” with John Byner? I laughed so hard. I loved Fernwood Tonight. And I lived for Mary Hartman! Mary Hartman!

Yeah the old stern shows were funny. Here is one from the early 2000s. I remember hearing this live.

Oh gawd in the mid 70s you were so cool if you stayed up to watch The Midnight Special.

Honey, everything’s coming up roses...

I’d keep it short and to the point .. Tell them you work for the IRS as an investigator . They will all be very genuine at that point. I guarantee they will not brag about there money and the word will get around the party in 5 min. 😁

MrZee profile image
MrZee in reply to Ironj

😆 Very good!

Well Jane it just goes to show you... if it’s not one thing it’s another...

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