youtube.com/watch?v=3WMuzhQ...
The above 14 minute and 47 second video outlines why I STILL, to this day, have NEVER received appropriate care. I am still asking for help. I have given up more times than I care to count, because searching and researching and knocking on doors and making phone calls 8 hours a day for months leaves a person exhausted and used up, depressed and borderline suicidal for long periods, especially when they are already isolated by continued abuse every time they try to seek help in their community.
I have given up thousands of times, but had I ever completely quit. If I had, I would have committed suicide, and I assure you, like most men, I WOULD succeed on my first attempt. I have done plenty of research on the subject and know of no less than 3 different ways I would choose, and a gun would NEVER be a part of the plan. The ways I know all about are far less painful, and don't leave a bloody mess or other really awful scene. My corpse would look like I had simply fallen asleep and never woke up.
I will not share those methods here, but it is easy enough for anyone that can find Health Unlocked to learn about using the same computer we use to come here, and there ARE no age restrictions at those other places.
Knowing these methods myself, has actually comforted me, because at least I know that no matter what, there ARE at least three ways out if the suffering becomes so intense I just can't go on. So NO, I do NOT support closing sites that tell people the methods they can use to commit suicide and even the percentages of successes among men vs woman, the length of time it takes, how much suffering is involved with each method, and what the person's body will look like when it is found. Honestly, actually KNOWING these facts has actually PREVENTED me from killing myself, believe it or not, because it is the one thing no-one but no-one can take away from me. This is NOT an opinion, it is my experience, and I was there, so yeah, what I am saying here is FACT, not opinion.
The woman in this video is a very pretty young lady, but I have seen plenty of pretty ladies of all ages who became very ugly the moment they began speaking, and by this particular lady's own account, she too fit that description, until something happened.
Her heart became (more) beautiful via a very difficult process she put herself through, because she was able to discard some hateful stuff that had been seriously darkening her heart, and she did so through self-honesty and self appraisal. She is an amazing example of strength, and believe me, her gender has nothing to do with it. It is every bit as hard for a man that has been dead wrong about something that has hurt others to face that truth about themselves too.
But it still bothers me that - when I have talked about the very things she says, it has caused me to be shunned, abused verbally and emotionally, demonized, and further isolated - not by EVERYONE, but by a large enough majority. So much so that it has often seemed best to just NOT talk about the abuse I have endured, EVER, and to continue to suffer in absolute silence with ZERO support from the professional community, or in deed, the community at large.
It seems the system is rigged so that the the only person that CAN fend for a man who has been abused, (apparent by my own experience), is a woman, which is grossly emasculating and furthers a man's ability to recover from shame-based issues brought about by horrific abuse that stared at age 4 and continues, in my case, into my 50th year of life. How is having to have a woman speak for a man supposed to empower him? Only allowing a man to speak for a woman who has been victimized doesn't work either, so . . . WTF?
I thank God that Cassie Jaye is so strong she can get up and publicly lecture about how feminist rhetoric caused her HERSELF to be part of the problem, and how she learned that men are every bit as likely to suffer abuse as women, yet men have nearly ZERO resources to get that much-needed care. She really hit the nail on the head with so many things that have prevented me from getting proper care it is really obvious that she did some real soul-searching. There is NO short-cut that can be taken to make THAT kind of progress in understanding that men are also human and suffer abuse every bit as frequently as woman do, and I am VERY grateful there is at least one woman standing up and speaking out about this very real problem I myself have been saddled with for half a century. So, yes, I think this young lady has attained "beautiful," which is WAY different from being just a pretty face.
So, here I am in the 50th year of my life, still asking for help, but not very often any more. I far more frequently actually pray I will eventually (hopefully soon) contract a disease that is either incurable and 100% un-treatable <OR> that is serious enough that refusing care will assure my death in a short while without too much more suffering, as I have the right to refuse care if I am conscious and cognoscente.
People at the local "help" line that DO listen can only offer some understanding, because what I say about appropriate care being completely unavailable to anyone that has only Medicaide insurance in the United States is 100% accurate, so sometimes I call just to talk for a few minutes and actually be HEARD, and to actually hear another real human voice, "real time."
There is only one such telephone help line in my area and I don't call it often. What's worse is I am also frequently told, "Well, stop thinking about it and watch TV or a movie," - "You're just ruminating," - "Is someone actually abusing you now?" (Yes, the slander and lies continue and when it turns into an argument with a "crisis worker," that really just pushes me even closer to enough self-hatred to potentially kill myself, so . . . yeah . . . I hang up and type here in isolation, as one example. Real live human interaction is rare these days, because I recently went through another huge abusive onslaught during and after my mom's death. I lost my home of over 10 years, was forced into a drug house by social services, was falsely accused there by a heroin addicted, drug dealing prostitute and livelong criminal, and left that building becoming homeless for over two years, and I am still hated because of all the slanderous lies that circulated against me.
When telephone crisis people say, "just don't think about it, watch TV or read some sci-fi book," that is a blow-off and what is being suggested is actually an unhealthy behavior called, "Avoidance," which is not a technique suggested or supported by any mental healthcare organization with any credibility, such as the American Psychiatric Association (APA). Yes, I read a ton and can even write APA formatted research papers that professionals think are great, but are also very quick to see mean nothing simply due to the fact that I have not paid a university for a piece of paper saying that they think I know what I am talking about. I'm talking about me, and I have actually been me my whole life, and I was there through everything that happened.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, and incredibly alone, and yes, along with shame, fear, sadness and hurt, I do feel a very APPROPRIATE level of anger too.