Hopeless in South Carolina

[bobscrv]

I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder Severe, Re-currant, Treatment Resistant, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder. OK, that's all of the titles. I am frequently Suicidal. I have been on so many drugs, Diagnosis 45 years ago, I did 36 ECT treatments. Nothing helps. I am a man of Faith but at times, I believe that I would be far better off with the Father than living as I am, in this place. I have been inpatient for 10 weeks (4 different occasions) over the past 4 years. I feel like I am going back...or perhaps to a long-term care facility. I don't know what else to do.

[Agora1]

Hi bobscrv, I don't know exactly what to say except you are never alone. We will be with you in spirit and heart because we care. x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

hey bob- she is one that helped me so much........u can trust her

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

You are so kind Brig57...It's always nice to see you on site

Hope you are well and staying safe xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

(wish u could hear what i owe u........and all .......not personal but

ads

miration

and respect- u helped a lot- thks)

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I am so grateful...We all bring something to the table and that's why this forum works.

Thanks Brig, you are a friend xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

agora- want to say something but....u know us guys......cant put into words.....

like ur car hit slick ice and off into the revene u go.........most people just drive on by............his fault lets go.......typical guy must have been driveing way too fast.......

then

along comes.....

whoa- what are these tracks....better stop...get out of the car....

wait i see lights way down there....better call for help and go check....logn way down but cant not check............dang.........this guy needs some assistance.........etc etc

not precise but pretty close..........

lots of peple kick the dog when hes down....

some people are just differnt

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Brig I've always found a reason in being where I am and doingwhat I do in life. We all have a reason to be here.

You've touched my heart today. Thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

cant tell u what i want to say...no words....

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

You just said it by finding no words.That's when it comes from the heart and I hear you xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Part of my problem. That’s how we a talk back home. Secondly my horse automatically knows how I feel about him or her and visa versa

Behavior or sense of trust not words

[bridder01]

Howdy Bob!! Welcome to our little community! I can totally understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, it feels like it's easier to just throw in the towel and make the pain end. But, that's just the depression and anxiety talking. When we're at our lowest, that's when we have to fight just a little extra to beat back the depression and anxious thoughts. Having your faith can be like a life preserver at times (kind of like the kind they carry on ocean going liners). If you feel like you're drowning, hold onto that life preserver. Eventually, help will arrive and bring you back to dry land

Fortunately, you have found a community where you can share what you're going through and you can listen to others who have travelled parallel paths to yours. Hopefully, you'll find some reassurance and friendly advice here. Anytime you need to talk or to vent, we're all here for you!

I choose to fight! Which path do you choose?

A friend,

Brian

[Hidden in reply to bridder01]

brav.........................ooooooooooooooooooo man ...........u way cool man

[Hidden]

Hi Bob!

I live in upstate SC! Like Brian, I too choose to fight! God sees me through my depression when it’s hard to help myself. Once I begin to recover, it’s my job to be vigilant in cultivating my spiritual life. It’s a daily ritual that is a must if I expect to heal. It takes commitment and time, but boy is it ever worth it! I follow these simple steps: I seek Him with all my heart, I praise Him, I thank Him and lastly, I pray for His will to be done in my life and request help as needed. These things turn my depression around along with doing the footwork/helping myself. I wish the best for you in the good ole Palmetto State!!

[Hidden]

partner- dont let your condition victimize or describe u...yes those biochem stuff can cuase us to get depressed and suffering and pain all real...........dont let the condition or clinical words be u............in the old days...........ur not ur cancer............work on geting healthys and comopensate is what they tell all cancer peple rightflllly...ok ...........so ....

pretend all those labels go away and we have mild cancer

now whats ur bucket list partner...........i fed the birds today........sounds hocky but was soo fun.........fresh air simeole thigs or wahtever

the hosptial we feel accepted and have others like us......dont be hard on yourself etierh way...

hey want to make cards for veterans or the people inthe hospital>

want to make inexpesnive scrapbooks or whats fun for u even though your going through chemo so to speak like the st judes kids

distract and put the sugar into your life..........

its ur life...........u still have will power to beat this thing...........

ok buddy what are we going to do to rebild our lives and forget our

so called labesl or cancer............go for it

[Hidden]

what do u like to do...what are your passions..we all get down but what pulls us through the mud of life............we all have labels and stuff...........come man lets go do somethign fun...........in your terms..........thnk about it ....lets make mud into mudpies

[Hidden]

(hate to tell u bob- dont take this wrong- can see a ton or tons of hurt in those eyes, disappoitnment confusion and fatigue........from all this....parnter...........all this hosp and clinical stuff.........can leave a guy feeling pretty powerless useless, who would want me ? and tons of toher tail spins partner..........but see ur next to what we call the toxic or radiation stuff............get out to a park. or get around reg people or place to do arts or craft or budddies .....four legged or two.........man ur have your soul amputated adn crushed being arond all that clincial stuff just like the guys with leg amputation from iraq...............but they bloom arouund buddies............

dude...........try..............not easy what i m asking u ..............im asking u is huge. massive..................try to distance yourself from that clincial labels that not bob...........not the bob we know

ok who is bob again...........not the medical..............bob the real human guy bob..........what does he like and not like and sor forth...

the real bob not the authorized bob.......whats ok to say bob...........

what does bob enjoy............

guy goes aroudn walter reed with milkshaeks and burgers.............why

cuz ....................guys need home and real and get the frick away frm the clincial stuff................guys need buddies and pals and ladies that like them and all the real stuff .....maybe baseball or whatever.............

screw all the stuff...........ok u feel like hello and shittiti...ok..........what would get me not feeling great but some thign to look forward to....

all my horses get grain and carrots after work

they run to train...............we need to thik that way..............pal

what sugar and carrots for Us??

ok that we are depressed we can bulldoze through it...put her in granny gear and kleep digging..............knwo ure tired know u ti ben long long journey pal................

smore? got some funny stories ? ever hear of terry fator?

he had a terrible tiem getting discovered..............soo depressing

we talk more soom

partner- lets start building a nono clinical life............or helop me

want to make cards for soldiers all forgotten?