At the moment I am finding myself really considering ending my life. I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like a burden to my peers, a failure to my family, a disappointment to my girlfriend, and I'm never going to get things together in this life. I know I'm not needed here and I can't get over the thought that the world would be a much better place if I was no longer in it. The irony in this moment is that today I actually achieved a milestone with my music, and for the first time in my life I have a song that has reached a million streams. Even still, I'm nobody, I'm nothing but a waste of time. I'm a waste of everyone's time. I'm sitting here older than my cousin was when he overdosed on fent, and I don't feel like I deserve this life. Eventually everyone would move on. Everyone would be fine without me and I know they would. I've never been good enough and there's never been any way that I ever would be good enough. I don't deserve anyone's empathy or love. I don't deserve a family. I don't deserve a life. I'm not a good person. I'm selfish and I don't know how to say goodbye and sorry to the world at the same time. There is no perfect song for this feeling. There's no perfect remedy worth finding. People won't even remember that I was here.
hopeless: At the moment I am finding... - Anxiety and Depre...
hopeless
No, everyone would not be fine without you!!! A lot of people would miss you. Please don’t give up. Can I ask what is this song you created so I can look it up??? I’m very into music.
Surely the fact that your song has reached a million streams should tell you you are not a failure.
You deserve a life and a family
I feel as if my presence would be a disservice to a family
Oh no, no you are so wrong.
Knew a guy that said ‘ when ya die, 3 days, everyone forgets ya, 3 days, that’s it!’ Was at the graveyard tending my Papa’s spot, wandered around & found this guy’s grave. Lo & behold, there was my Ex wife, tears in her eyes, then me too. We loved the man & I still do. Please, don’t sell yourself short. You have touched many hearts, you just don’t see it now. Prayers for you. Be Smart
I just feel like when I'm gone, I won't be a burden anymore.
I know that here you are not a burden, but, a blessing. You have brought forward, in my mind, the times I was suffering, thinking how was I going to live thru this. I can’t take this! What next! Huddled up in a fetal ball, out somewhere on ‘queer street’, nothing making sense, every strange & eerie! Then the strange fog would lift. ‘Here comes the sun’! In the end of this, how glad I was just to be alive & feel ‘normal’ for a bit. So PLEASE do not take your own life, for yourself & all of us! Please if that happens you’ll be killing a part of each & everyone of us. As a prayer, Amen. I’m always here for you & so many others. Be Smart alvinflang
I would miss you. Because you shared your thoughts and struggles, it tends to create a bond with people here. Please share more. You have a girlfriend, so that's a good thing. Are you working? Are you physically healthy? Do you have family nearby? Any pets? Do you want me to bug you with more questions? You do have friends here.... where can I find your music?
You are being much too nice. I moved back in with my parents a couple years ago after I lost my scholarship. I'm not really close to my family like that. My music is under my government last name of Tullis. It all feels for naught, thought. I don't deserve your kindness.
Hi alvinflang. Tell me about the song.
It's called distance and it is somewhat derivative, which is why I get comparisons to drake. It's like neo-soul, and it is old from 2020 so it sounds like it came from 2020. At the live shows people actually sing the words back to me. I don't deserve any of it.
What don't you deserve? The people singing the words back to you?
Do you know what makes you unhappy about your music?
You've written that you never feel good enough. That's sad to hear.
No, sweetie, that is the depression talking. I know it's hard to believe but what your brain is telling you right now is wrong. It sounds strange to be told you cannot believe your own thoughts right now, but trust me I've been there. You are not losing your mind. People would miss you cruelly if you were gone and you make a difference in many people's lives, but maybe you cannot see it right now. A million people listened to a song you composed; a million!! that's how many lives you touched just with that one song. Imagine how your entire beeing touched how many other lives? much more than you will ever know 
please do not give up, I know it's probably excruatingly hard for you right now, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
I don't deserve any of what you just said to me. I can't believe people replied to this post at all. All these people say they love me now, but they don't love me, they only love the opportunity that comes with what I do. You're too kind to me. I don't deserve it.
Tell me this, if you don't deserve it, who does and why?
No human nor animal is born evil. Some become -I don't like the word evil so I'll say less good 😁- because they had a conditioning, environment, circumstances or experiences that brought them there.
Like a dog that becomes fearful or aggressive because he had experiences, training or an environment that made them become like that, but they probably weren't born that way unless they were born with an anomaly (bad wiring in the brain or whatnot)
I think everyone has as much the capacity to be good or less good but any of us can work to change what we don't like about ourselves or our lives if we dedicate ourselves to it. The human mind of amazing and can kearn continually and humans are made to adapt to almost anything, which opens the door to a world of possibility 
From what I can gather, there is a lot of self-hate in your heart. Can you pinpoint where does that originate, why you feel like that towards yourself?
Maybe like any of us you made mistakes; if so, ask yourself what can you learn about them? you can apologize, if appropriate, to people involved. you should also apologize to yourself, and forgive yourself (it's hard I know but we so deserve our own forgiveness, we are usually doing the very best we can with the ressources available to us at the time). Accept whatever happened, see if there is anything you can do to fix some of it (sometimes there isn't and that's okay) but you can learn the lessons presented to you to move forward. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.
Maybe you have low self-esteem and feel undeserving; ask yourself if you know why you think that? what would need to be different for you to be deserving in your eyes? when you take note of that, do the requirements seem valid? sometimes we have criteria, expectations or perceptions that we have acquired as early as in childhood and we never take time to revisit them later on and see if they still ring true. Take the time to think about it
In your original post, you mentioned not wanting to be a burden. Just the fact that you think about your impact on other people, shows you are a good person, with empathy and compassion. Why wouldn't a person like that deserve love, healing and compassion too? In my eyes, you do
Sometimes in the hardest times is where we learn the most. It shows you were you need to learn and heal.
Also, don't compare yourself to other people, instead, compare yourself to yourself yesterday or the week before. Nobody is exactly like you, we are all different by genetic, personality, conditioning, environment. Your journey is yours alone and cannot be compared to another's. So measure yourself to yourself
I hope you keep moving forward and let me share something that helped me a lot during my own dark time: google The happiness podcast from Dr Robert Puff. You can listen for free from anywhere in the world as long as you have internet. That human changed my life and my perception and helped me grow tremendsously. I encourage you to give it a try
You are a beautiful soul
also, if you want to PM me, feel free
Please tell us more about You. Where do you live (Country)? How old are you? What are your hobbies? Are you working anyplace? I clicked on your icon, but no profile information popped up. Everyone enjoys learning about others.🙇♀️
I'm 25 from the US, I'm a musician.
Your depression and anxiety is lying to you. It wants to restrain us. You are worthy. Stop feeding your mind these thoughts. Go look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful, I'm worthy and I'm a good person. What anyone else thinks doesn't matter. It's how you think of yourself. Don't let others win. Just the fact you made music with over a million hits makes you a hero. People need you and need your message. When I was young I broke up with my boyfriend and he killed himself. I blamed myself for years. But eventually when I became somewhat clear I realized how selfish suicide is. And eventually no one is gonna think about you any more. It's not worth it. Forge ahead. Peace and love.
I had this video and I thought of you immediately. You sound nice and kind, like the wonderful man in this video. I hope you enjoy it! Goodnight ..... 🙇♀️
I know everyone in this group wants to help you. But, it sounds like you're in crisis. If you're in the USA please call 800-273-8255. It's a suicide hotline. We are going to stay with you too, but these people can talk to you and help you make good choices. PLEASE! We value you very much and we need to know you're safe. If you leave elsewhere, I'm sure they have something available. If you can't feel worthy right now, we will hold onto it for you. You are worthy and you want help and deserve it!
Everything changes ! I had the same thoughts when I was 17. now 50 years on Im having the best time of my life ! In life there will be many versions of you ! you will change ! if you fill your mind with good thinking it will grow, its up to you look for the good in every situation its there if you look. start by turning your thoughts around ! think whats the opposit to this ! look to that ! I will give one ! in your situation you have a girlfriend , S o thats your first bless dwell on that, Life is a journey nothing is permanent ! from today make it a good journey and start to enjoy it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alvin, where are you??
Alvin you need to find a positive trait or something positive that happened to you recently like your song hitting a new record keep thinking about that and what you can do to celebrate in your own way about this song and don’t go back to repeating all the negative bad thoughts you have. You are important to more people than you might be aware! I have a very empowering action you must take every time you have a negative thought say erase that thought, erase that thought, erase that thought you say it 3x after ever bad thought! It takes time to train yourself to do it but you will slowly stop saying all the negative things that are not true and repeat them w good things, even if there little things like I remembered to feed the cat, or wipe the counter off after eating.... any little small good action and think about those things instead of the dark negative thoughts. Try hard! I know you can do it! ❤️🙏👍
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