Embarrassed

[Jrv2018]

Talking about your sickness is embarrassing. I just want to be normal. But what is normal to me you ask? Is there even a normal? It is in my eyes. Normal for me is not being in bed all day able to wake up refreshed and do daily task like eat breakfast clean or even go outside. Normal to me is sitting down eating three meals a day. Not snacking all day or not eating at all. Or sleeping your recommended time not sleeping 18 hours out of the day or sleeping 30 minutes in a days time. I just want to be a human doing human daily task. I don’t want this anymore I don’t believe I ever did.

[Agora1]

Jrv2018, We never did want this in our lives. For whatever reason life/fate choose us to carry this illness on our backs each day. I am a stronger person for it. I may not like it, I may not want it anymore but there it is following me each and every day. I can't run from it and so I accept it and make the best of it. I am human and feel the emotions and the pain just as anyone else. Each one of us carries something they didn't ask for, it's called life. When I look around, I am grateful that it's not worse. We have something that no one else can see or even imagine. With that it gives us a chance to portray what is normal. Did you ever think of how many people envy you for looking so normal? If only they knew...We all have a secret that we carry around. We are all in this together and in knowing that we forge ahead wanting the same goals, happiness and contentment in life.

We are normal, in what normal is for an anxious person. We are never alone xx

[Jrv2018 in reply to Agora1]

How much truth behind this is so unreal! Only because when I have spoke about certain situations people say awe you looked so happy though. They always say I’m seem to be such a happy person. But what they don’t understand we’re good at that. We can hide better than anyone. I’ve just got to find a happy medium. My bf is so supportive and comforting with it. I don’t have to put up a front. He tried so hard to help. But I just feel so handicapped. I’ve been currently laying bed for 3 hours haven’t gotten up.

[Agora1 in reply to Jrv2018]

Time to rise and shine dear... You are absolutely right in that we know how to portray a happy person, we just don't know how to feel it. Jrv, have you ever done self talk by looking in the mirror and portraying this "happy person" to yourself?? It can put a positive approach to your day by looking at yourself and telling anxiety that you will no longer take him controlling you. You are in charge of your own life. You have better things to do than to lie in bed accomplishing nothing but existing. You have a life to live, memories to make and feeling self worth.

Sometimes Jrv, hearing those words out loud can make a big difference then just ruminating over the negative thoughts in our minds. Start with looking forward to One thing a day. No matter how small, how insignificant. When I was Agoraphobic, my one thing would be a favorite tv show I enjoy watching. We all need a purpose in life, anxiety likes when it's the "same ole, same ole". Bake a cake, go shopping (can't go out, shop on line) Treat yourself. Clean out drawers/closets, something that makes a difference so you can see an accomplishment done.

One foot in front of the other will get you to the same destination where lying in bed we go no where. Hugs, Agora1 xx

[Tedddy]

It's so hard. "Normal" to someone with anxiety and/or depression is not the same as "normal" to everyone else. It's time to end the stigma and openly talk about these issues, since so many of us suffer with them. I talk about mental illness to anyone with ears. I post about it on my social media, talk about it with my boss and coworkers, etc. I talk about my therapy sessions and how I think everyone should go to therapy. I talk about different medications I'm trying. I talk about the really rough days and the less rough days. It probably makes some people uncomfortable, I've probably lost some "friends" but I dont care. This is something I've dealt with my whole life and I'm not going to hide it anymore.

[Jrv2018 in reply to Tedddy]

I can’t wait to get like that. I just don’t want my family to see t as a crutch for me you know. I’m interested in the meds you have tried cause I’m considering it myself. I’ve tried some but it just zombies me and I don’t like that. Only thing I’ve used that has help in the past was using marijuana every few ml the when j couldn’t take it anymore. It gave me energy and I went on with my life that day and slept so well.

[Chris3291 in reply to Tedddy]

I'm still working on this level of honesty. I recently ended up having to leave a job I had worked for almost 6 years due in no small part to not being honest with my employer about my conditions and my treatment. I worked in Law Enforcement, where there is an even greater stigma about mental illness than many other fields. Anything that shows "weakness" can make you an pariah in the agency. In the end, I became an outcast because I wasn't being honest about my illness and isolated myself from everyone and everything, even my work. While easier said than done, I know what you are saying is the right path. The more we hide, the more power we give our moments of darkness or panic. Thank you for your post.

[Tedddy in reply to Chris3291]

Oh I can imagine the stigma is even stronger in that field. Sorry you had to leave a job you were at for 6 years. And I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could open up about it. All we can do is take baby steps toward admitting/owning it ourselves, then slowwwwwly try to let the people closest to us in on it. Being honest and open doesn't mean they will understand you, or that they won't judge you. But it might make you feel better and lighter. It's a heavy burden to carry, and in my experience, sharing my truth usually makes it feel a little lighter. I wish you luck as you move forward!

[ChristopherWisham]

When I first told my family about my depression and anxiety it was embarrassing but I’ve long got past that now I don’t even get embarrassed much about talking to others about my depression and anxiety so I guess that’s one good thing I can take from this

[Phoenix_Rising]

Jrv2018 I have felt that same way before, I didn't want this, I don't know why it was bestowed upon me, or why I had to deal with it. It seems unfair and in a lot of ways it is. When I'm at my lowest the smallest thing can cause me severe exhaustion for days and even when I seem normal my mind seems to house a small village of opinion givers, even when I didn't ask for opinions. But the thing I realized is there are a lot more of us out there than you would think, struggling in the same way you are. The normal you described is my normal too. It does seem really unfair we have to work very hard to have "normal" lives, and even still may never achieve it. But the other thing I have also learned is this thing that is my normal also allows me to be more empathetic to people who are hurting or have hurt, to see what people don't say and recognize it, and to give someone else a voice who is in the midst of struggle and pain. While it will never make having this thing fair, it does makes me understand others and this world a little better. It helps me to strive to reach out to others and make this world a little more caring than it was the second before. Sending so much love to you!